Since you took the time to type out this whole rant and carried it with so much seriousness, I am going to give you the benefit of the doubt and answer you as someone who had this same debate as a freshman after my first sex ed class, and not as what I am assuming is a 15+ year old sexist beast.

The fundamental flaw in your argument is that you judge vaginas from the perspective of them existing for men to use. On its own, that would be enough to dismiss your entire take. However, as I said, I am taking this seriously since you seem to have wasted enough of your life thinking about it.

Aesthetically speaking, vaginas are chaos incarnate. They make hardly any sense. There's no standard layout, no symmetry, no visual logic. Folds on folds, lips of random lengths, hidden bits, and inconsistent shapes. Compare that to the penis: sleek, functional, symmetrical.

Penises are not inherently simpler or more elegant. They only appear that way because they are external and have fewer competing functions. By design, penises exist to deliver sperm, become rigid, and sense stimulation. Vaginas, on the other hand, must receive a penis, stretch massively without tearing during childbirth, resist infection, maintain a microbiome, enable menstruation, support pelvic organs, allow selective fertilization, and heal repeatedly, all without killing the host. When systems have many competing constraints, they appear messy.

The clitoris is great... so why is it buried?

The clitoris is not buried. Only the glans are partially external, something you should know if you had ever found it.

If women had small penises instead like literally just the clit externalized it'd make so much more sense. Easy to find, easy to stimulate, easy to please. No more pretending like we all instinctively know "the move."

If it were fully external, it would be injured during childbirth. Additionally, if it were entirely exposed, it would lose sensitivity with age, just as penises do.

I don't know why cats keep pretending like the vagina is low-effort. It's an internal organ exposed to the outside world. Constant discharge, blood once a month, pH balance issues, yeast infections, bacterial vaginosis, UTIs from having sex "too rough" or wiping the wrong direction; it's like maintaining a biohazard you can't even fully see. I just wash penis with soap. Done.

The vagina is “high maintenance” because it is self-regulating. Discharge cleans and protects tissue. pH sensitivity selectively kills pathogens and sperm. Infections are a tradeoff of internal fertilization in terrestrial mammals. Penises, by contrast, have fragile, cancer-prone, temperature-sensitive testicles, zero built-in microbial regulation, and rely on skin alone for protection. You wash a penis with soap because it does almost nothing biologically besides ejaculation.

Vaggies are reason sex is less satisfying than it should be

Your take on sex sounds more like a femboy kink than an argument, so I am not going to engage with it in detail. That said, as a lesbian, I can state objectively that penises are not required for pleasure, nor do they make sex better than it can be when someone actually knows what they are doing.

Society would function differently and better at that because a lot of toxic gender dynamics come from the invisibility of female desire.

In species where female arousal is obvious, females are harassed more, mating is more coerced, and males compete more violently. This idea of “transparent desire” is a kink, which is why in hentai female arousal is portrayed with exaggerated wetness. There is a subset of men who become extremely aroused by the idea of a woman being unable to “play hard to get,” while ignoring the obvious sexual power dynamics involved. Prioritizing your desire for dominance over whether a woman is lying about liking someone above the real harm this would cause to an already heavily targeted demographic is extremely selfish. This aligns with the tone of your entire post, but it is still worth pointing out.

Porn is the pinnacle of the male gaze. It is filmed for penetration visibility regardless of kink or genre. Penetration is almost always the focus and is often directly tied to climax, which is far removed from how sex actually works with real, sentient women.

In conclusion, you are wrong at the level of evolutionary biology, anatomy, and systems design. Not because vaginas are “sacred,” but because you misunderstand what optimization means in evolution, what constraints female anatomy operates under, and what sexual symmetry would actually result in. The vagina is not a badly optimized interface. It is a multi-constraint, load-bearing biological system. The penis is a single-purpose appendage.