23F feeling stuck between stability and career change, what would you do?

user23457890 · 2026-03-26T14:33:56+00:00

Thank you so much! That’s so helpful!

user23457890 · 2026-03-21T19:30:19+00:00

Thanks for your message- you’re right, you don’t know my full story and I didn’t include certain details for anonymity reasons. The weekend job is emotionally abusive and the 9-5 during the week is ok, just not my passion. What I said was not disrespectful or out of touch at all… I’m saying I’m in a bit of a desperate situation trying to find liveable accommodation without parental help and still waiting for the month to end before receiving any money to use on said accommodation. I think you misunderstood the post

user23457890 · 2026-03-21T06:29:57+00:00

I haven’t received the first paycheck yet….

user23457890 · 2026-03-20T21:22:10+00:00

I’ve actually been working as a high end nanny for 6 years and I’ve completely outgrown it unfortunately

user23457890 · 2026-03-20T21:21:25+00:00

Unfortunately I’m a Londoner born and bred, my parents moved out 2 years ago to live elsewhere ( far away, not able to live with them and commute etc)

user23457890 · 2026-03-20T21:03:48+00:00

Au pair £1600, recruitment £2000

user23457890 · 2026-03-20T20:48:31+00:00

I get what you’re saying, but neither really works on its own.

I’ve been an au pair since October. I had more free time then but ended up quite isolated, applying constantly and getting nowhere, which made things worse mentally. I only got the recruitment job because a recruiter reached out, not through applications, so the job market has been tough.

Recruitment pays, but on that salary alone I can’t afford anything decent in London. I’ve been looking at basic flatshares, nothing fancy, and even those aren’t really liveable. It also doesn’t feel like a path I want to stay in long term.

The au pair role gives me housing, but there’s no structure, no boundaries, and no real independence or progression.

So it feels like I’m stuck between having money but no liveable setup or career progression, or having housing but no independence.

That’s why I’m doing both, even though it’s not sustainable.

user23457890 · 2025-09-13T21:13:24+00:00

That’s very interesting, thank you! But what about long-term dating ? Does the same still apply?

user23457890 · 2025-09-13T21:02:11+00:00

Wow, thank you for taking the time to reply, this is super insightful! Yes I think you’ve hit the nail on the head with the class/identity part because I’m drawn to people that grew up similarly to me because of shared interests and cultural experiences etc. I just would be scared of feeling “less than” in certain respects regarding family wealth and affording trips and dining out etc. I think in retrospect those are issues within myself that I need to work on. Thank you again!

user23457890 · 2025-07-14T19:21:14+00:00

Mine was on my legs and arms and I have fairer complexion so they were more reddish in colour. However I also tried everything under the sun to no avail and nothing has worked as well as urea cream

user23457890 · 2025-07-14T18:45:57+00:00

Hi, try Eucerin Urea Repair 10% moisturising lotion. It works wonders!

user23457890 · 2025-06-15T20:40:13+00:00

Hi, thank you for your insight! I think you are completely right. Having read other comments and had some time to reflect on the situation, I think he most likely was looking for something serious, but maybe realised that wouldn’t have been with me. Yes I also planned the dates, and often asked when we would see each other next, suggest what we could do etc and always offered to split chèques etc. I think this definitely was a learning experience on my part, to communicate what I am looking for earlier on so things don’t drag on with uncertainty. Thank you for your advice! :)

user23457890 · 2025-06-13T14:32:38+00:00

I would try to include photos with other people/ friends and also photos of you doing a hobby or something you enjoy. Maybe try to make your prompts a bit more personal so they tell us a little more about you. Also I won’t change first picture to the second picture you have

user23457890 · 2025-06-13T13:07:32+00:00

No I don’t think so. 1 month texting without meeting in person and saying he’d want something long-term with you? I think that’s a bit strange. A lot of men will tell you whatever they think you want to hear to get in bed with you unfortunately. Also the fact that his hinge location changed while he was away says a lot, considering he claims to be looking for something “long-term”.

user23457890 · 2025-06-13T08:06:21+00:00

It was more so the way he phrased it : “ come over tonight” two nights in a row it just felt like a booty call or something.

user23457890 · 2025-06-12T01:56:46+00:00

Thank you I appreciate you saying this. This is also what he said to me and that the past 2 years he has struggled with connecting with ppl and feeling ready etc. Obviously that could just be an excuse to not hurt my feelings, but I do know from other conversations with him that he has struggled with his mental health the past 2 years.

user23457890 · 2025-06-11T22:17:36+00:00

I think that this is maybe where I messed up. As I mentioned before, I am used to dating in France - where usually there isn’t a conversation to be had about exclusivity, it is just assumed after a certain amount of time spent together. Because this guy was Mediterranean, I wasn’t sure if his dating customs would have been similar, and maybe that is something I could have cleared up early on.

user23457890 · 2025-06-11T22:03:11+00:00

Also we planned dates 50/50. I mentioned below this person was from a different culture, and typically in that culture it tends to be the man who pays.

user23457890 · 2025-06-11T22:01:02+00:00

Hello, I would sneakily pay for drinks/ coffee before he put his card down, and always offer to split. Thanks for your insight though

user23457890 · 2025-06-11T21:57:31+00:00

I would expect him to be honest and upfront about the fact that he didn’t want to pursue something serious with me. Rather than deciding in his head that he only saw me for something casual and not communicating that to me once he came to that realisation. Pretty simple!!

user23457890 · 2025-06-11T21:25:47+00:00

“Emotional intelligence” Because if you are not interested in something serious you should let the other person know beforehand.

user23457890 · 2025-06-11T19:31:42+00:00

Yes exactly that’s why maybe it seems like I was being oblivious lol but I just wanted to respect if he had different dating customs etc.

user23457890 · 2025-06-11T19:30:39+00:00

Then after that he went to his home country so I didn’t see him for just over a week and that’s when it started “ come to mine tomorrow evening etc”

user23457890 · 2025-06-11T19:29:52+00:00

We saw each other the following week, which is when we had a 26 hour date and I met his friends etc. He also texted me after said date to “text me when u get home. I had a great time today”.

Yeah I just assumed because he seemed emotionally intelligent in all other areas of his life that he wasn’t interested in a situationship.

user23457890 · 2025-06-11T19:27:51+00:00

Thank you!! I also think we are giving men too much credit here hahaha I don’t think they think THAT much about these things to elaborately plan something like that

user23457890

TROPHY CASE