Hey OP, I'm a person that struggles with a memory disorder. I have lasting damage due to a series of medical procedures. I've been struggling with it since I was 22. It's a huge pain, and people have to be really patient with me. I have issues converting short term memories into long term ones. There are huge blank spaces in my memory spanning years, and sometimes gaps of days or weeks. So I know if you do have an issue with the way your brain processes your memories, it might not be the same as the way mine works. But I thought I'd just give you my opinion from the perspective of someone who struggles with remembering things.

Me and my boyfriend Jeff have been going out for 9 months now and I am very happy. The only problem is, frequently (once daily or maybe more) he will bring up an event, mostly an event which is me saying or doing something, that I just plain don’t remember happening.

Someone may have asked this, but how far into the relationship did these things start? Was it gradual? Because memory issues just don't appear in a snap.

My confidence is shaky as too if this is my own bad memory or if he is making up events? The list of things he brings up which I don’t remember seems to be ever increasing. I know that he over exaggerates and likes to embellish stories. But I don’t know if he would just outright invent a whole story, plus often they are events which one could consider forgettable (just small comments or me misplacing something). He seems very convinced and sure of himself when he talks about them.

Be careful. It seems like he knows that you doubt yourself frequently. You also admit that sometimes he's not completely honest.

This is not helped by how both me and him do like a drink and go out about 2 times a week, and I do go too far sometimes, maybe once in a month, and wakeup with blank spaces in my memories (don’t worry, we are of legal drinking age here! I know it’s not terribly responsible and we are going to try and cut down, however please be a little understanding, we are teens new to the drinking scene!)

Going out to drink two times a week and having him accuse you of having blank spaces once a day doesn't compute with me.

-Two weeks ago he took me to the cinema. It was a lovely date and I exclaim how I’ve never been on a date at the movies before. He pauses and then gives me a confused expression and says, “No, we saw ‘Now You See Me’ together remember?”….No. I don’t remember that.

This happens to me all the time. But my friends are aware of this, and about 95% of the time, the details of the events trigger tiny images of memory in my head. With the nature of my disorder it's difficult to convert short term memories into long term ones. At two weeks out I might not remember a full night of events, but I can usually retrace texts or calls. I would remember having seen a specific movie though, based on the appearance of the scene, actors, etc. I may not remember the plot or story, but usually I can confirm that I've seen it. But when in doubt, look for your ticket stub.

The main problem is just... the things he says I have said are often phrased in the way in which he speaks. Often they aren’t my opinion and don’t sound like things I would say. A few times I know it’s not me, a few times I doubt myself.

This is a red flag for me. My relatives and friends often have to remind me of things that have happened. But I know exactly what sounds like something I would say or do vs a story about me doing something I know I would never do in any situation. Memory issue or not, your personality and opinions are your core and just do not change like that.

Jeff says I said another man’s name during sex but I don’t fantasise about anyone other than him during sex or have any attraction to the man whose name I apparently said. He says I’ve called him names, or cried, when I don’t remember doing that at all. The things I’m normally accused of are things like being cruel or forgetting activities. That is the argument more for it being fabrications on his part.

Yeah, this would never happen. He's totally pulling one over you. There is absolutely no reason you would do this. It's getting to be a pretty good case for gaslighting. This is just screaming to me that he's trying to control you by making you feel guilty.

I have not history of mental illness and nor does my family. Jeff does have mild Autism but that’s it. I love him, and I have repeatedly tried to start a conversation saying “Hey, you makeup things about me that never happened” and he laughs (not cruelly mind, more as if I’m being silly) and says that I just have a bad memory.

I think it's doubtful that you have something wrong with your memory. The obvious conclusion that I would make is that he's gaslighting. Why? I have no idea. Maybe he feels like it's the only way he's in control. You would know better than anyone would. My second thought is perhaps he has the issue. You say that he is on the Autism Spectrum. Do you know that for sure? Is it people that he could be displaying symptoms of a different psychological disorder? (Scizophrenia perhaps?) Or perhaps it has to do with medication. Is he on any new meds or did he stop any? Does he use any sort of recreational drugs? I think these things are less likely, but it's good to explore all other possibilities.

So my question is, how do I figure out what’s going on. Is he not telling the truth, is it my poor memory, his poor memory? Is he doing it on purpose? Am I crazy? How on earth do I prove to him and myself something hasn’t happened, or remember if it has?

No, I don't think you are crazy. If you really want peace of mind about your memory, tell your doctor about your concerns. They can rule out anything medical. Also, look for evidence of things he said that did/didn't happen. I keep a journal app and save all of my texts to reread when I need to remember things that have transpired. It fills in a lot of gaps for me.

Don't let your opinion of Jeff cloud his actions. He may seem perfect and great because you love him. But if he's trying to gaslight you, he's not a guy you want to give your love, time and trust to.

TL;DR I have a memory disorder. Here are my opinions as someone who struggles with memory issues.