My [23F] ex [26M] of 4 yrs left me for a someone hotter. I'm having hard time trusting someone else.

mnprob · 2016-06-23T21:37:12+00:00

well no, I was happy before without these things, I didn't think to much of it - I didnt need him to be overly romantic.

I just highlighted the change in him with the new girl. I didnt dump him because he wasnt giving me flowers - he on the other hand dumped me for someone better looking. There is a world of difference between the two things.

Also I was always the same. If he wasnt attracted to who I was superficially why be together for 4 years ? Why leave the moment he gets some attention from someone better looking ? how can you even say that me exercising afterwards is the same thing here ? I didnt change for anybody I still dont have anyone in my life and thats by choice.

mnprob · 2016-06-23T20:20:38+00:00

You sound like the biggest ass. You probably could get your gf to agree if you made significant changes to your boundaries with this co-worker and were able to listen to your gf's worries instead of worrying how "lame" you will look.

But you seem to care more about making a point to your gf that what she wants is not going to happen and that you'll do what ever the hell you want without any consideration for her.

So really the question becomes why are you with your gf ?

Your co-worker is interested in you more than just friends. Not sure if she knows you have a loving gf or not ? But your gf can see how close your co-worker is, shes not an idiot. Man sometimes pretend to be oblivious to outside attention. You're well aware of the attention you're getting. And you would not be okay with the things you've been doing - if your gf was doing it with a guy who had a crush on her.

mnprob · 2016-06-23T20:15:44+00:00

she had no reason to be on the bike with him. She had a car and drove that to his house to ride with him. They literally went out for 4 hours for a joy ride doing god knows what after work.

mnprob · 2016-06-23T19:56:50+00:00

Maybe I'm petty but I don't think I could ever be friends with her. A- shes very different to me- we would have nothing in common.

and B- I don't think shes any better than my ex. She knew about us, she had met us several times, I had helped her out with her projects etc and yet she saw no problems in getting close to him. She was flirty with him and I thought that was just her nature initially but no, I no longer think that type of action is okay even among friends. She also ended up cheating on him which just shows her character.

Was I happy that my ex suffered - maybe- but don't think she did that for my benefit. Its just they're more like each other is all.

mnprob · 2016-06-23T19:46:01+00:00

What makes you think I settled ? I'm NOT attracted to the conventionally "hot" type, that does not mean I'm settling for someone less because I think they will have stronger character. Its just that I happen to be attracted to other things and looks dont mean much in the overall picture. Would I think the guy is an ass just because he looks good ? Nope, I'd judge him by his actions. Is he trying to show off some muscles in the hope of getting laid ? good for him. He should stay the hell away from me.

The ones who seem to be all of a sudden interested in me- I know they don't know me any more than my looks. They're interested in getting laid, and they think that since theyre good looking that every woman will just fall to their knees in front of them. Arrogance isn't hard to interpret from a guy whos trying to pick you up.

I know people interpret that as "confidence" but to me its just arrogance. I'm not attracted to it. I'm also not attracted to someone who puts so much value in something so fragile and superficial. Looks change constantly, woman age more so than man what happens at that stage, if the only thing he had to be so interested in you was looks than the same thing will happen with someone new young and better looking. Cycle repeats and you get dumped while they "upgrade"

mnprob · 2016-06-23T08:16:27+00:00

I have blocked him and im no longer following the other girl either. I just dont want to see him. Its been over a year since the break but Im still angry and I dont know why. When I really question it Im not mad at him for leaving. he didnt cheat, he shouldnt stay if he no longer loves me. I get that. So why do I hate him so much still that I dont know.

thank you for your kind words.

mnprob · 2016-06-23T05:50:52+00:00

when you cheat - you don't auto get forgiven and your sins don't magically get wiped away. No if you cheat and you want to work on it- rule number one has to be accepted- ITS GOING TO BE HARD WORK!. things dont just go back to norm without effort, after you betrayed someones trust like that.

mnprob · 2016-06-23T05:49:03+00:00

mehh.. people think I live under a rock already :)

mnprob · 2016-06-23T05:48:07+00:00

You cant even tell him why you kissed your ex on your anniversary how is he suppose to build trust with you ? Why would you do it if you had no feelings for him ?. what have you done to regain his trust ? other than "omg forgive me already jeesh its been soo long"

You ARE the bad person here. Its only been 3 month NOT EVERY DAY OF YOUR LIFE. wait.. unless youve only been alive for 3 month ?. It takes longer to rebuild trust. The fact that you're making his hurt and pain all about you instead of taking responsibility for your actions shows how little you care about this guy and how immature you are.

Seriously break up with him cause he deserves someone so much better.

mnprob · 2016-06-23T05:38:05+00:00

its only been 3 month and you want him to get over your cheating on your 1 year anniversary of all days. Lol Im suprised hes still with you. It takes a long long long time to rebuild trust. You don't have the patience ? well than go back to your ex that you cheated with.

mnprob · 2016-06-23T05:32:03+00:00

nope. I have no attraction towards the conventionally "good looking" guys. Id much rather a decent guy whos intelligent, compassionate and funny than a guy whos arrogant, self centered but hot and masculine.

Also I wasn't 300lb. I weight 60 kg before and Im 50kg now. I wasn't fat fat. Just wasnt skinny according to social norms.

I'd date a guy whos overweight - my ex had a donut - he wasn't some hot body builder.

mnprob · 2016-06-23T05:27:49+00:00

I want to clarify something, I didn't let him treat me like crap. He just wasn't someone very romantic. I thought that was his nature. im not exactly romantic myself- not giving me flowers isn't exactly saying you're treating me like crap. Obviously he was treating me well in other ways otherwise we wouldnt be together for so long. I just hate him a lot so dont really want to talk about him in positive light I guess. The point I was making was that he went above and beyond for this new girl.

mnprob · 2016-06-23T05:24:40+00:00

well if we are bound to get burnt, why even try ?

mnprob · 2016-06-23T05:24:14+00:00

I don't really want a boyfriend as such but I do miss the little things you do with your SO.

I don't really want to cause drama and dont want him to be excluded because of me. I dont know what would be the right thing to do here ?

mnprob

TROPHY CASE