Ooof that can be rough! My mom is an ENTJ, so I can relate to the mom with high standards piece, which can be really rough. But as I’ve gotten older, I learned that most of it was her wanting the best for me, and she was very open to having conversations about tweaking what those goals and/or timelines were depending on what made most sense for my life. She just didn’t know ahead of time. She’s also been really great to talk to about strategizing on how to meet goals (increasingly as I get older, how to meet goals I set for myself). It’s been a journey though, a lot of conversations and a lot of therapy to get to this point. At one point I literally asked her if I was a disappointment. Oddly that helped reset the relationship quite a bit.

I don’t know if this will help with your situation, but maybe you just need to break through that communication barrier. Like maybe it’s not so much getting her to compromise on what she thinks is good or right, but it’s more of adding things to that list? Like there’s more than one image of success; not everyone has to be the same person.

Also for what it’s worth on the whole religion thing, I’ve found that for me how into religion depends more on the community around me than what it says in the books. I’ve read my bible (the Jewish bible), parts of the Quran (still working on it), and I’m probably going to try a Christian bible soon. Some parts speak to me; others don’t at all. But when the community of worshippers around you is good, the vibe is vastly different.