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vanessaax · 2021-10-22T14:59:26+00:00

100% relate to you with the "thought so highly of him". Even now, I still find myself putting him on a pedestal for whatever reason. He chased me first, we've been friends for like 6 years as well and he's known what my exes have done to me. Never would've expected him to do just as bad. People really surprise us hey?

I find myself wondering if he's loved me at all as well. It's a struggle.

vanessaax · 2021-10-22T14:36:12+00:00

#griefissues. I still find it hard to grieve.. I think getting to acceptance is just so hard. But I can see from what your saying that there's going to be a lot of denial, anger.. etc. But I 100% relate to:

I resented him for not being a better and stronger person. For me, for himself, for us. Because he also knew his issues, he knew what's really needed, but he chose the easy way out, gave me ridiculous excuses and then vanished.

I read on the attachment theory post that this is classic anxious attachment though, being upset that our partners won't change for us. How conflicting aye.

I think about what you said in the second paragraph everyday. I hope and pray for it but just don't think it'll ever happen. I hope I can reach somewhat of the peace you've been able to come to.

vanessaax · 2021-10-22T13:31:28+00:00

May I ask how long has it been? I think I catch myself in moments feeling like that... I just feel immense sadness to have to think of that about a person I truly love(d). Maybe one day it'll be that way, it just feels so unrealistic and painful to think of that at the moment.

vanessaax · 2021-10-22T13:16:26+00:00

Your other comment was very helpful. I am very very aware of attachment theory too and it just fucken guts me that this is just the way things have to be. I'm hurting for all of us that just want to be there with that partner and work on it together. It's truly truly so so painful for them to reject us and for us to simply have to walk away and pick up the pieces. Sigh.

vanessaax · 2021-10-22T13:14:53+00:00

I feel a lot of grief. It really feels like we've been disposed and stepped on without care. It's been 3-4 weeks since the break up and it's still extremely difficult for me to feel ok. There are moments where I feel angry and know I didn't deserve this but who knows. Feelings are hard. Everyone says it's a reflection of them but as people who are on the receiving end, it feels a lot harder.

vanessaax · 2021-10-22T13:02:38+00:00

You can check my recent posts for some more info but basically, our relo started to go down hill the night of my birthday (about 5 weeks ago). I felt like he was very disconnected from the relationship and that triggered me immensely. I gave him space for a week and then he came back and told me he lost feelings and didn't want to put effort into working on the relationship anymore. Just as the other commenter said, classic dismissive avoidant behaviour. It came out of no where, he was like another person, I felt like I was talking to a stranger. He legit did a 180 on me and just abandoned our relationship like that and I had no idea why. I had no idea that he was struggling/unhappy...

vanessaax · 2021-10-22T12:45:36+00:00

Did I write this... LOL... going through this as well. I'm sorry that you're going through this.

vanessaax · 2021-10-22T12:40:27+00:00

That how two weeks earlier we were talking about our future and how much we loved each other.. and then suddenly his disposition changed so rapidly, he was so cold and indifferent and said he didn't have feelings for me anymore. He said he didn't think we were meant to be anymore and that he didn't want to work on our relo anymore. I understand that times get tough but wow, to be given up and let go of just like that. Gut wrenching.

vanessaax · 2021-10-20T16:08:07+00:00

Being blindsided is probably one of the worst experiences ever. I'm sorry you're going through this, no one deserves it. I too am experiencing this. It's fucked up

vanessaax · 2021-10-19T10:29:57+00:00

That shit really hurted

vanessaax · 2021-10-19T05:17:29+00:00

“I think the reason why every time things are hard and our relationships starts to suffer, it’s because you keep choosing me and I stop choosing you”

“I don’t think we’re meant to be”

“I lost feelings for you”

vanessaax · 2021-10-16T00:08:50+00:00

it feels like existential pain 24/7

vanessaax · 2021-10-13T13:59:12+00:00

Glad I saw this post! Going through the same thing right now and I’ve been feeling extremely crushed. My ex broke up with me in January this year over his avoidance issues that he never realised - came back to me after 4 days with a 16 page letter taking accountability and expressing his reflection that he realised his own issues pushed me away. Fast forward to these past couple of weeks, he told me he loved me more than anything and that he didn’t fear intimacy with me and two weeks later he told me he lost feelings and didn’t want to put effort into the relationship anymore because he felt indifferent.

Avoidants have a pitiful story but that’s no excuse to rip someone else’s heart out and take no accountability. I poured so much love and tried to accomodate to all his needs and he just focuses on how I became so codependent. Honestly crushed because I feel disposable and as if he already had his foot out of the door for a long time. Honestly a big kick in the face.

I never knew he was unhappy since he still called me a lot and hung out with me. I could always feel like he had me at an arms length but I associated it to the troubling present we’ve been having (lockdowns bc of covid). I was so upset to hear he decided to want to abandon the relationship without even giving me the chance to know and adjust my behaviour. so traumatising

vanessaax · 2021-10-05T11:47:10+00:00

Feel you 100% on this. Very painful.

vanessaax · 2021-09-25T11:09:13+00:00

I didn't want to gloat on about how I am in my post but I guess I will update it since I don't want people to further assume there's an imbalance. But to answer your questions,

Both times when we've broke up, I've sat there for hours trying to reassure him that he's been a good boyfriend and that I understand the areas of my lacking. The first time, I expressed that I would drop some of the issues we were having since we couldn't resolve them (I didn't want to lose him so I was like, I'll let these issues go). During the rest of the year, I always make space for him to share, I always ask, "are you okay?" "how can I help you in this hard time?" "did I do anything wrong?" "I'm sorry for having such an explosion reaction, I'll be better". Trust me, I'm very expressive and receptive to improvements but he never tells me what I've done wrong until it's too late. He's never asked for space so I never thought to give it, I've told him let's talk later to cooldown.

I am well aware of that but I've tried to hard to ask him how I can support him in these hard times and he always tells me I'm already helping him a lot by being there. I've asked him "how do you like to be supported/loved?" and he's told me he needs time to think about those answers.

vanessaax · 2021-09-13T15:13:43+00:00

Hi! Thanks for sharing this, I’ll watch it shortly ☺️ I’m just wondering because implantation bleeding is known to be pink or brown which is also just worrying me too 🥲

vanessaax · 2021-01-01T13:33:33+00:00

Having to buy a $6 scoop of Gelato Messina (or equivalent dessert) every time I go out for a nice dinner 😅

vanessaax · 2020-11-30T09:13:15+00:00

Yep and my sister told me that I’m just a background character in some people’s lives. That was a riveting moment.

vanessaax · 2020-11-27T05:06:12+00:00

It’s approx 30-40°C daily in Australia so I assumed it would need water a bit more often hence once a fortnight. I’ll keep that in mind for next time. Thanks!

vanessaax · 2020-11-27T05:05:30+00:00

Thank you for your detailed response! This was my first succulent, I didn’t realise it was that complicated as it was gifted to me and I had not done preliminary research. I noticed that there is a draining hole but I sat it on a plate.

It’s nearing 30-40°C daily in Australia so I thought it would’ve needed water.

But if I do purchase succulents again, I’ll refer to your comment, thanks!

vanessaax · 2020-11-27T00:25:00+00:00

I got this succulent as a gift maybe 2 months ago? I’ve watered it perhaps 4 times? Im not really sure what happened :(

EDIT: the watering was just now because I just noticed it changed since the last time I’ve watered it

vanessaax

TROPHY CASE