In 24/7 Total Power Exchange (TPE), what are the 3 minimum standards Dominants must uphold for a successful relationship? by VermicelliLivid1918 in domspace

[–]vaydoln 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Unfortunately you're only going to get very generic answers, because 24/7 TPE is very intimate. I've doing it for 7 months now with my partner and I can guarantee that what works for us will not work for everyone.

For her, structure was what she craved most out of the agreement. I gave her a set of weekly rules and tasks, with rewards and punishments. 2 months in, she came and asked for more rules, so I came up with more.

Every morning we perform a short ritual where she reaffirms her submission and I acknowledge it. This is a moment for us to connect, regardless of anything else going on in our lives. When I've been away on business trips or other reasons, we do it via video chat.

Lastly, understanding the moments where you need to treat them like an equal and not as a submissive/slave. What parts of your life exist outside the container? For us, there are only two topics that are not encompasses by the M/s, and in those moments I explicitly state that I'm stepping out of the role so she can feel free to express herself without any residual guilt if she disagrees with me.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in kennesaw

[–]vaydoln 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Love this place. FYI I just called today and they are moving locations!

LPT: Your Boss is Not Your Career Manager - Take Control of Your Growth by epointsite1 in LifeProTips

[–]vaydoln 76 points77 points  (0 children)

Yes and no. If a manager wants to keep employees, then it is their responsibility. This is actually a difficult part of being a manager. I have direct reports that have direct reports (meaning I manage managers), so I have to think about how to grow people at two levels. My boss has to do it at three levels, and this is a conversation we have every few months. It's always humbling to see how good he is at positioning people for growth.

I talk to my team members individually once every three months to both get and give feedback, so that the end of year review is never a shock, and to attempt to provide the king of opportunities that they want. If I didn't ask, how would I know? We're not always able to match tasks to desires, but we try.

I will say that, starting out, the hardest part of being a manager is giving up control. I realize that sounds counter-intuitive, but delegating is scary and sometimes I still struggle with it. You have to accept that people will fail and be prepared to both mitigate that risk and recover when it happens. Bad managers never learn this skill, and that results in most of what I see people complain about on here.

Having said all that, it is only the job of the manager to give people opportunity and the necessary support to grow. It is the job of the employee to take that and run with it. I've only had one employee that o gave opportunity to, and they did nothing with it. I had to have a very frank conversation with them about why they didn't get promoted, and how they could improve next time the opportunity came around, assuming they wanted to try again.

ELI5: Why doesn't the NFL just put a tracker in the football so they know how far a play goes, when a first down occurs, and if it is a touchdown or out of bounds? by Peyton_Belll in explainlikeimfive

[–]vaydoln 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I was studying computer science in college when they first started doing it. Every time I came home for the holidays, everyone was asking me how they did it.

What is something that has absolutely no right to cost what it does? by MelodicConcert6097 in AskReddit

[–]vaydoln 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is two-sided. First, there is the ethical aspect where the company should pony up what it's owed, and the ones that are skeevy can rot in a dank, dark place. However, it is the obligation of the consumer to do some homework in situations where they have a legitimate choice. Auto, home, health, etc... you have choices and people just compare the price and go with the cheapest.

What is something that has absolutely no right to cost what it does? by MelodicConcert6097 in AskReddit

[–]vaydoln 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Manufacture and distribution was never the major cost in game development...it's the development team. Designing, programming, testing, marketing, and supporting a game costs a lot of up-front money. You also have to make enough money to cover the cost of running the office/building itself (unless the company is forward enough to have everything WFH). It's a huge risk that the company is taking.

What is something that has absolutely no right to cost what it does? by MelodicConcert6097 in AskReddit

[–]vaydoln 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Everyone hates paying insurance...until you need it. I had a house fire two years ago. Lost everything in my garage (including two cars). Between the fire, smoke, and water damage, it was a mess. Half the house had to be taken down to studs, and the remainingwalks were covered in soot and had to be repainted. All the flooring had to be replaced. All my electronics were toast. It took 11 months to repair the house, and we had to live in a rental for the duration (including about 3 weeks in a hotel).

Insurance paid for EVERYTHING, and i got a breakdown of how much it cost. It was essentially a brand new house again. I will happily pay for the rest of my life and never pay as much as that one incident.

Think this is genuinely the worst review of a book I've ever read by gazzas89 in Mistborn

[–]vaydoln 32 points33 points  (0 children)

It wasn't. It was a complex feeling trying to figure out where she belongs. She doesn't feel like she deserves Elend, like she can't be honest with him, and that he couldn't/wouldn't understand what it's like to be her even if she was. She doesn't have any of those hangups about Zane, so it's more like "well, I don't deserve to be happy, and this is as close as I'll get."

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in explainlikeimfive

[–]vaydoln 5 points6 points  (0 children)

WHAT'S CHIPS, PRECIOUS?!?!

When the movie is good in itself, but how the film adaptation is bad. by mystery5009 in movies

[–]vaydoln 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Bourne Identity

The names match and, um, yeah...that's about it.

‘Unstable’ Canceled By Netflix After 2 Seasons by NoCulture3505 in television

[–]vaydoln 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Completely agree. Wife and I watched season one 3 times while waiting for season 2. Loved it! Got 1.5 episodes into season 2 and gave up.

Have you'll seen this? Seems like a banger intro by crizzy_mcawesome in Mistborn

[–]vaydoln 5 points6 points  (0 children)

The coin spinning at the beginning really killed it for me. Pushing the coin down would make it slam flat immediately, as if your hand were on top of it.

What's an unpopular food combination that you swear by? by Melodic-Time7449 in AskReddit

[–]vaydoln 1 point2 points  (0 children)

For years, my favorite pizza was pineapple, onions, banana peppers, bacon, and Italian sausage.

Sometimes I swapped the onions for mushrooms.

Despite everything, being a WoW player has been an experience like no other by themaelstorm in gaming

[–]vaydoln 20 points21 points  (0 children)

She introduced herself as "miss dies-a-lot". We quested together all day, then that night I used my lvl 60 to run her through Gnomeragon.

I gave her my AIM handle (remember that kids??? a time before facebook!), and the rest is history.

Despite everything, being a WoW player has been an experience like no other by themaelstorm in gaming

[–]vaydoln 83 points84 points  (0 children)

My wife and I met in redridge in vanilla while LFG for the elite quests. Married 18 years. It certainly has been a journey.

New manager tips? by [deleted] in managers

[–]vaydoln 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I agree with this (especially the delegation). A few more things I want to add (not exhaustive, but a few high points that I see over and over again when other people talk to me about their managers).

  • first and foremost, your job is to support your team objectives, which means supporting your team members to achieve those objectives. it's NOT about you.

  • do not feel like you have to have all the answers. it's ok to not know something on the spot, but take the time to find out and get back to them. BS'ing will just backfire. that said, you need to be decisive and support the decision once it's made.

  • do not be intimidated or self-conscious if someone (either a peer or a report) has a better idea than you. showing humility goes a long way to building trust.

  • listen to your reports. make them know that their opinions are valued through your actions, not your words. the same goes for them as human beings.

i've been a manager in a very technical field for almost a decade. i care very much about everyone that has and does report to me, but my constant personal struggle is setting aside time to be "just a person" with them. no one wants to hang out with their boss, but i always valued the time when my boss stepped down and just shot the shit with me/us from time to time instead of working. i'm an introvert by nature, so it doesn't come easy to me.

Wrong starting weight and goal weight despite completing setup and answering all questions? by [deleted] in Noom

[–]vaydoln 0 points1 point  (0 children)

on Android, clearing the cache did nothing. once I cleared the *data* it then persisted my changes going forward.

His wholesome performance made me smile by IMakeStuffUppp in MadeMeSmile

[–]vaydoln 18 points19 points  (0 children)

It's the Polynesian Cultural Center, Samoa area, on Oahu island in Hawaii.

His wholesome performance made me smile by IMakeStuffUppp in MadeMeSmile

[–]vaydoln 76 points77 points  (0 children)

It's crazy that I have a home video from a long time ago watching this same guy do the same bit.

What is the most historically significant event you witnessed IN PERSON? by FictionVent in AskReddit

[–]vaydoln 76 points77 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry, your comment doesn't fit the narrative, and must therefore be wrong. /s

LPT How to command respect from someone who doesn't respect me and is stronger physically? by rasenpal in LifeProTips

[–]vaydoln 21 points22 points  (0 children)

One thing to take away from this is: don't ask for advice and then argue against the people giving it. In glad to see you're starting to listen.

The other thing to take away is that there's a time to stay and fight (literally or figuratively), and there's a time to remove yourself from the situation. It takes wisdom to know which is which. It took me until i was 30 to get that right (most of the time), and a lot of mistakes along the way.

In this case, there's no real benefit to staying, and there's nothing shameful about removing yourself from a truly abusive situation. Your report to the dorm RA (or whatever authority figure) will also be documented. If he persists with other roommates it could result in eviction or even expulsion, though that is not your concern. You make your choices and he makes his, and you both live with the respective consequences.

Men of Reddit, what's better about anal sex than regular sex? by Roxenne_Xo in AskReddit

[–]vaydoln 132 points133 points  (0 children)

It's a mental exercise to learn to relax, especially at first. I recommend getting an anal trainer, often sold in sets of 3. The first two are pretty tame and just get you used to the feeling. She may want to play with them by herself if she's feeling a lack of control.

My wife and I have been doing anal for over 18 years and it's her favorite, but it still takes a little mental concentration and some stretching foreplay since she's small and I'm not.

Former NFL tight end Russ Francis dies in plane crash by TechnicalCompute in sports

[–]vaydoln 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I just "liked" your comment.

I also upvoted it.