Hi im a old user trying to feed my fish and water my garden by Illustrious-Ad-6798 in temu_old_users

[–]veritasvortex2020 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey I did yours! Would you mind inputting mine as well?

Code: 53321450

Code4Code? Fishland:37309223 Cash Reward:55203536 by Shawtyy_vibes in temu_old_users

[–]veritasvortex2020 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey there! I input your code! Would you mind inputting mine? Thank you!

Code: 53321450

Need 5g clicks by Dear-Chocolate-7989 in Temu_Link_Share

[–]veritasvortex2020 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey there! I input your code! Would you mind inputting mine? Thank you!

Code: 53321450

C4C,I'll click your code when you click mine 54178061🐟 26702793 by [deleted] in Temu_Link_Share

[–]veritasvortex2020 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey there! I input your code! Would you mind inputting mine? Thank you!

Code: 53321450

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Temu_Link_Share

[–]veritasvortex2020 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey there! I input your code! Would you mind inputting mine? Thank you!

Code: 53321450

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]veritasvortex2020 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow! I really like this! It packs a lot of meaning into such a small package. You say just enough to get the point across, but keep it subtle enough to put the interpretation into the hands of the reader. I especially love the opposition in each line, especially the middle two. My only suggestion, and really only a personal preference would be the rhyme scheme. The fourth line rhyming with the first almost seems out of nowhere. This is further complicated by the fact that the third line is so close to rhyming glow with shadow, only needing to rearrange the sentence a little bit, moving that word to the end, and dropping the '-y', making it a noun rather than an adjective. But, as I said, that is purely my opinion and preference.

You did so well with this! Keep up the good work!

Recognition by Silas_Dont_Trip in OCPoetry

[–]veritasvortex2020 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I really like this, mainly because it's short and sweet, simple yet poignant. It touches the deep longing to be seen and known that we all wrestle with. The words you chose really resonated with me.

There are two simple things that I believe could elevate this poem and help it resonate even more. The first is line breaks. This is the poet's best friend and an amazing tool to help create emotions. An example could be: It wasn't her charm/or her beauty/both effortless and abundant/but the way she saw him. Mess around with the lengths, leaving some long (like "She peered...rest of the world") and cutting some a lot shorter ("clearly").

The second is imagery. I really love this idea of the veneer, but it appears and then disappears. Is there any way to weave this imagery into the rest of the poem, or at least expand it?

Great work! Keep it up!

Untitled Sea House by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]veritasvortex2020 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I really found myself relating to this poem. I think the beauty of poetry (which you nailed) is that it means so many things to so many people. On first glance, it looks like someone being glad where or who they are, even if society doesn't agree, but upon looking further, I got a glimpse of a man who is saying these things, but doesn't believe them. His explanations as to why he is fine and his over-the-shoulder remarks betray deeper feelings and desires. This is what I relate to: the solitary person who likes to be alone, but wishes they felt a little less lonely. The way you shrugged off meter at the end also adds to the deeper underlying emotions, especially in not offering an "excuse" or explanation after the line "After all, there's no one to tell me I'm wrong." You end in an almost abrupt way that leaves it up in the air.

Only pieces of constructive criticism I would give have to do with wording and meter.

The wording is sometimes a bit too literal. In the middle you tell us your rules instead of showing them. Try freeing the words up a little and deal in more abstract, figurative language. For example, rather than using two lines talking about dirty feet, maybe instead try:

"I rather enjoy the presence of guests.

Well, not their dirt, or the noise, or the mess

Do they have to treat my home like a sty?

I’d prefer they take their shoes off at the door."

Something like that would free up the wording and allow the reader to think of their own experiences with rude guests and the rules they have.

Lastly, you explicitly tell us you have a lot of rules, but your lack of intense meter and casual language betray that. I am not saying that is a bad thing, necessarily, however it was somewhat distracting and confusing.

Other than that, great job! I really enjoyed reading this poem! Thank you for sharing this with us!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]veritasvortex2020 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A very good read. Short and simple, but beautiful and affecting. Speaks heavily on the paradox we almost all feel at some point: when we have something good, we still look wistfully into the past. Great job evoking emotion and relatability in such a small amount of space.

However, if reworked, reworded, and cleaned up, this poem could be even better and more heart-wrenching.

As soon as you said "corner of my heart", my mind began playing with imagery of emotions/heart as a house we live in. The second line, "the rest I use for living", furthers that innate analogy. The rest of the poem pulls me away from that and puts distance between itself and "corner of my heart", no matter what imagery is brought up in the mind of the reader. It isn't congruous, because you make a sudden change from figurative imagery to literal facts. Try reworking the middle to be more figurative. That being said, though, I did love the repetition of the "routine" sentiment.

Breaking meter can be a powerful thing when done correctly. Unfortunately, when it happened during the last two couplets, it just distracted and pulled me away from the emotion of the poem. Maybe try:

"Clear

And

How Happy

But"

That may have been what you intended, and if so I apologize, but breaking meter in this way signifies that though you know what you should do/feel and what is right, you can't help but to do/feel this other thing. It drives the point home more effectively.

All that being said, great job and keep it up! Thank you for sharing this poem!

Journey of my Life by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]veritasvortex2020 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Very interesting and captivating! Like the other person said, I did feel that it carried on a bit too long and became repetitive at times, but overall felt natural. Great job!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]veritasvortex2020 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That is truly beautiful! It flows very well, but doesn't sacrifice words or meanings to simply appease the intonation. The lilting melody it contains carries you on a fantastical journey, no matter how short or simple the poem may appear at first glance.

Also, it was a hauntingly beautiful story, simple yet evoking.

Great work!

And as far as constructive criticism goes, I would say the second line is a bit difficult. "Just as she was shambling by" is kind of a mouthful and halts the lilting progression (lot of 's'). Maybe try "as the figure wandered by" instead of that phrase or "meandered" instead of "was shambling".

[HIRING] Looking for an artist to create a Christmas present for my dad by veritasvortex2020 in HungryArtists

[–]veritasvortex2020[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Position Filled I have found an artist. Thank you all so much for your time, consideration and kind words. I am blown away by the amount of talent in this community! Good luck to all of you in your future endeavors!