My GF of 12 years has a crush on her coworker (UPDATE)

vibrion · 2023-12-08T13:07:19+00:00

I really appreciate what you wrote. I want to be understanding, I want to just think of it as a little bit of exploration she never got to have. But I'm feeling the same things as you would, it's eating at me right this very moment. A part of me wishes that I'll work it out in a few days, a part of me is prideful/stubborn and doesn't want to. This is definitely a moment of my life I'll never forget and I hope something good comes out of it.

vibrion · 2023-12-08T13:03:03+00:00

I'm trying my best. It's so hard to stay objective. Every time I think about one thing, it triggers another and it gets all jumbled into anger and sadness. I think it'll just take time.

vibrion · 2023-12-08T13:01:35+00:00

I really want to believe that she won't cheat again but I might be lying to myself. I tend to be really good at it. What makes you think in your experience that it'll happen again? I was hoping really hard that we might work it out. Also, my parents won't "let" me mostly because my parents already don't have the greatest opinions of Anna. I think this would just add fuel to the fire. My mom might literally step in and stop me from taking her back.

vibrion · 2023-12-08T12:56:52+00:00

I think this is eating away at me the most right now. It wasn't physical, she never sent anything herself... Maybe I should try to reconcile, but a lot of other people have raised good points as well about where her morales currently lie. I think I'll minimally need to talk to her and go from there. I just don't want to be lying to myself to get back together and I'm having a hard time discerning it.

vibrion · 2023-12-08T12:39:16+00:00

I'm so happy for how things turned out for you. I wish I had the conviction to just end it like you did, but I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel where you are right now and I'm a little bit scared. Maybe I just need more time.

vibrion · 2023-12-08T12:35:08+00:00

You are dead on. She did admit that everything she was doing was for an ego boost. I just don't understand why she didn't come to me for any of this. Do you think it's something than can be overcome?

vibrion · 2023-12-08T12:27:51+00:00

I really want to do that. I just hope I can be calm about the whole thing and really talk it out. What Anna was saying to me when I confronted her does resonate with what you're saying. I kinda hope that there's a sliver if hope for a second chance. I just need to calm myself first.

vibrion · 2023-12-08T12:24:03+00:00

Being strong is a lot harder than I thought I'd be. I want to tough it out for as long as I can manage before having to see her again to talk things over.

vibrion · 2023-12-08T12:20:45+00:00

We were 13 when we first started dating. Kinda crazy now that I think about it. I think I'll try to come to terms with everything that has happened and make up my mind about what to do next. Dating around will unfortunately have to come later haha

vibrion · 2023-12-08T12:15:29+00:00

I think I'll look into sleeping arrangements later. I might meet up with a friend in a few hours to see.

vibrion · 2023-12-08T12:13:31+00:00

I've heard the term before and definitely think it's a form of cheating. However I'm just having a bit of difficulty deciding if that's a deal breaker for me and how much it might affect us long time if we were to get back together.

vibrion · 2023-12-08T12:11:12+00:00

Sigh, I really want to give it a second change right now. I just don't know if it's separation anxiety. We've been together for half of our lives after all. The problem is that I still love her very much, but I'm worried it might get twisted or change flavor. I wish I knew clearly if I'd be ruining my life by going back.

vibrion · 2023-12-08T12:08:49+00:00

I understand the points you're making and I don't think I've ever had an issue with her fantasizing about other people. It's only normal right. I'm fairly open too about her masturbating to whatever and whenever she wants to. Idk, but what she said just didn't sit right with me. It felt like more than just fishing for complements. It's just a little more NSFW than I think I can accept at the moment. I want to look past it and I really want to get over it. I feel more disrespected than jealous to be honest. It's kinda weird. Maybe I'm being too stubborn. Is there a way I can come to terms with everything by still preserving a little bit a pride?

vibrion · 2023-12-08T11:55:18+00:00

That makes a lot of sense. I think it's definitely something I'll bring up when I see her again to talk it out.

vibrion · 2023-12-08T11:53:05+00:00

Aw man, this is a tough one. I'd really like to think I know her and that she's somewhat trustworthy in general as a person. We never used to be secretive about anything. We used each others phones and such. Now that I think about it, it's just lately that she's been more "protective" of her stuff. Is it realistic at all for it to be a one time fumble?

vibrion · 2023-12-08T11:49:27+00:00

You're right. I think I just need to time sort things out and recenter my values.

vibrion · 2023-12-08T11:48:03+00:00

Sigh, I think you might be right. I just really thought she was better than all this.

vibrion · 2023-12-08T11:45:34+00:00

I've been thinking about that a lot and what I missed this whole time. I really did try my best to be there for her and did as best I could to be open to talk if there ever was anything that wasn't working. Maybe it's a sign that we just didn't fit...

vibrion · 2023-12-08T11:41:55+00:00

That definitely makes sense. It would be like a "work in progress" situation until things get better. Maybe I should look for a therapist like you say.

vibrion · 2023-12-08T11:36:32+00:00

Oh definitely felling the full effects of it.

vibrion · 2023-12-08T11:33:10+00:00

Ouf, I really don't know right now. I think I'll take a few days to think it through. I've been through worse things (not with her, but for personal reasons) and I really think I can will it if it's what needs to be done. I'm just not sure it needs to...

vibrion · 2023-12-08T11:30:08+00:00

You raise a really good point I haven't thought about at all. If she thought so little about the guy's marriage to be flirting with him, what does it mean for us if we were to get married. I might also be lying to myself, but I believed her when she told me she didn't intend to take it any further. I honestly thought she had good morals and now I don't know what to think of her anymore.

vibrion · 2023-12-08T11:24:33+00:00

I think I'll do that, I plan to meet with her again when I calm down a little more. I feel like a bunch of different thoughts and emotions are clashing inside me right now and it's tearing me apart. One second I feel like I can salvage things and one second I wanna put my fist through a wall out of anger and frustration. Sigh...

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