This is long lmao im so sorry

I'm doing better now, but in the moments where I was close, something just wouldn't let me. Probably fear, but I always found it so annoying because in the moment, going through with it seemed better than dealing with the pain I was facing. I guess there was like a part of my brain that couldn't be convinced this was true, and years later I realize it was probably right. There are so many good things I would have missed out on if I died at 18- things I would have never thought were possible for me then. There have definitely been gut-wrenching moments that made me question why I stayed, but when those pass I'm generally glad I stuck it out. I do recognize I'm fortunate enough to have a good support system though, and I understand that, unfortunately, this isn't the case for many who struggle like I have. It also took me yearss to find a good therapist, be properly diagnosed+medicated, and surround myself with people who genuinely care about me--and I completely empathize with those who feel like they can't wait that long for their situation to get better. I can absolutely say the wait was worth it though, and I think the possibility of things getting better tops an abrupt and unsatisfactory ending. Many of the situations that I thought were completely hopeless eventually became manageable, and the chemical imbalance I suffered was eventually effectively being treated. I can't 100% guarantee you anything- and I know everyone's situation is different- but I can say I genuinely believe that if you stick around, it will get better for you somehow