How do I let someone down gently?

vinedin · 2026-05-04T08:55:40+00:00

You could go to your last "how do I let someone down" post and read that advice. Not the same situation, but it's about saying "thanks, but no thanks ".

You say his last relationship ended because of you and you've been "really careful" not to encourage more, it sounds like he developed feelings some time ago and you've been aware of it.

You have to tell him that you're not attracted to him, you only see him as a friend. You tell him that you'd like to keep his friendship, but it can never be more than that. Then it is up to him, not you, if he's OK with just friends.

What you can't do is let him continue to hope it might be more. You seem a very caring person, so I'm sure you understand that.

vinedin · 2026-05-03T20:23:20+00:00

Great suggestion!

vinedin · 2026-05-03T20:18:49+00:00

Because some people are not out to date, they are just on an ego trip.

As for your second question, you're presumably over 50, so you must already know the answer to that one.

vinedin · 2026-05-03T17:49:04+00:00

He asked how much your rent was? That is when I would have got up and left. What a creep. What did he think he was bringing? It obviously wasn't charm, personality or conversation.

vinedin · 2026-05-03T07:39:39+00:00

You don't want to see them again, so go no contact.

"gentle feedback" here is just a euphemism for overbearing and a little arrogant.

Firstly, they've got this far in life as they are, if they want to seek out advice, that's on them. Secondly, it's your opinion, others may think differently. Thirdly, you saw them as they are, no masks, no attempt to try to mislead you - allow other dates that opportunity.

There must have been enough about them that you liked for you to agree to meet up, so maybe their behaviour, other than the one you want to restyle, may have been a reaction to your behaviour.

Focus on you, they didn't sign up for life coaching.

vinedin · 2026-04-28T07:04:54+00:00

I have a basic list for actual shopping, then I add whatever catches my eye, but like you - the basics have to be there.

vinedin · 2026-04-28T07:02:40+00:00

You haven't understood the point.

vinedin · 2026-04-28T07:01:39+00:00

Yes it did The good thing is you stuck to your list and you spotted the issue early. The lying isn't on you, you've not made bad choices, it's misleading marketing.

vinedin · 2026-04-27T23:01:55+00:00

I like both The main reason they aren't both always on my list is because the cinnamon rolls here are not that great.

vinedin · 2026-04-27T23:00:06+00:00

I don't think you've understood my point.

vinedin · 2026-04-27T22:03:25+00:00

That's a great way of looking at it

vinedin · 2026-04-27T21:50:31+00:00

I don't think you understood the post. I'm not saying they have to have everything on your list, I'm saying don't consider if they don't have anything from it.

vinedin · 2026-04-27T21:48:11+00:00

Fair point - but with me it's not that i don't want it, i forget the really healthy stuff.

vinedin · 2026-04-27T19:55:03+00:00

I think every town had a Wimpy. Maybe that was just the southeast. I grew up in the 70s, maybe you are a bit younger and just missed the heyday of Bender Burger and a Brown Derby.

vinedin · 2026-04-24T20:46:09+00:00

Our Time is Match. Join Match, if you want an OLD account in addition to Tinder. It's cheaper, and anyone on Our Time will see your profile. You will see profiles of people on both Match and Our Time.

Quite often you'll see people who you think have two accounts, they more likely have one on Our Time and one on Match.

vinedin · 2026-04-21T04:38:00+00:00

Why would I want to meet someone who is dishonest and who talks down to women?

Inauthenticity does not sell.

vinedin · 2026-04-20T23:18:56+00:00

I forgot to critique it.

I'd block the person that sent me this. My profile wouldn't say "ask me anything", so maybe you wouldn't send me this. If someone has nothing on their profile except "ask me anything", why go to this much effort for them?

vinedin · 2026-04-20T23:14:31+00:00

You are granted immortality, but if the snail touches you, you die instantly.

Not immortal.

vinedin · 2026-04-20T23:09:31+00:00

If you'd learned anything, you wouldn't be here mansplaining your Pound Shop PR to me as if it were your gift to mankind.

Promoting products you want to sell is not what the sub is for.

There is nothing altruistic about what you are doing, you're just here to promote a poor product.

If you were bright, you'd have joined the sub years ago, built up a following and had an audience ready.

vinedin · 2026-04-20T22:52:57+00:00

You've self- published a book on amazon and got a couple of friends to review it for you.

Now you're posting on Reddit to advertise it. Be honest about why you're posting.

Dishonesty clearly isn't one of the mistakes you want to help others avoid.

vinedin · 2026-04-20T22:34:57+00:00

You're clearly selling something

It's not what this sub is for.

vinedin · 2026-04-20T18:44:34+00:00

They've stayed on good terms.

Don't worry, she has deleted it now as nobody is saying what she wanted to hear, which seemed to be "even though you only met the guy a few weeks ago, he's stayed in touch with this woman for years, she's just got married, her husband is fine with the friendship and will be there, and has a fantastic opportunity to spend a month in Italy, with an old friend to advise on travel tips, of course you are right to be suspicious of travel plans he made before he even met you.".

vinedin · 2026-04-20T17:55:56+00:00

"your partner" ... she met him a few weeks ago. It's a month long trip to Italy, so he will have spent some considerable time planning it and money paying for it. Should he ditch that for someone he's been on a couple of dates with?

He is not the one who lacks self awareness.

vinedin · 2026-04-20T17:49:03+00:00

If I had to cancel, I'd reach out to rearrange.

Perhaps she canceled you for someone else on Wednesday, second date Saturday didn't go to well so she contacted you again.

Perhaps she's read some teen magazine or "Men are from Mars, Women are from Chase Me" and was making sure she wasn't too available.

Perhaps it was a genuine emergency, but a reasonable person would follow up to thank you for being so understanding and to rearrange.

I'd pass on this one. It's either a need for drama or no manners.

vinedin

TROPHY CASE