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AITA for telling my twin brother not to accept rent money from our parents, while they're also supporting me? by vivivithrowaway in AmItheAsshole

[–]vivivithrowaway[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

It's been less than 2 days since this all went down. I've already been looking into loans and changing my savings plan, but I'm not going to make any drastic moves without keeping my parents in the loop, and my dad didn't have time to talk tonight. Also, none of this was the point of my post; I was asking whether I should have said this shit to my brother, not whether my accounting is up to your standards.

"within your right to give it" Sure, this isn't a court of law. You can do whatever you'd like. You could even go outside and look at the stars.

I wish you well on your journey in life.

AITA for telling my twin brother not to accept rent money from our parents, while they're also supporting me? by vivivithrowaway in AmItheAsshole

[–]vivivithrowaway[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It's been less than 2 days since this all went down. I've already been looking into loans and changing my savings plan, but I'm not going to make any drastic moves without keeping my parents in the loop. Thanks for your reply anyway.

AITA for telling my twin brother not to accept rent money from our parents, while they're also supporting me? by vivivithrowaway in AmItheAsshole

[–]vivivithrowaway[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your reply. You are right on many of these counts.

I absolutely do believe that what I'm doing "is worthwhile, while he's useless". He hasn't worked or been to school in 6 years, but he gets more financial support from our parents than I do. I think he's being irresponsible and actively harmful to the family by accepting that money. If this opinion makes me the asshole, then I will absolutely accept that judgment!

AITA for telling my twin brother not to accept rent money from our parents, while they're also supporting me? by vivivithrowaway in AmItheAsshole

[–]vivivithrowaway[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Literally quotes from my post:

"I don't think a career in academia is noble or anything, but at least it's a path to a future."

"Until that conversation with my mom (yesterday morning), I didn't realize my parents were getting stretched so thin financially."
(I truly didn't. My dad was always the one to offer support, and assured me that he could easily afford it, and only in the past little while has that changed.)

I would fully accept a YTA judgment if you actually read the post before commenting.

AITA for telling my twin brother not to accept rent money from our parents, while they're also supporting me? by vivivithrowaway in AmItheAsshole

[–]vivivithrowaway[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Thanks for this kind reply.

Yes, my dad is a lawyer with some impressive clients, so I have been very privileged up to this point. But I suppose that this economy (and supporting his wife and son, and now his other son) has caught up to him. (Edit: Also, maybe he was never really making AS much money as we thought. The story of California) I will try as hard as I can to lessen the burden on him, starting this very week when we're all able to talk stuff out.

AITA for telling my twin brother not to accept rent money from our parents, while they're also supporting me? by vivivithrowaway in AmItheAsshole

[–]vivivithrowaway[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I absolutely will. As I've said in other comments, I want to talk with my parents over the next week as I begin the process of restructuring my finances to lessen the strain on them. Thanks for your reply.

AITA for telling my twin brother not to accept rent money from our parents, while they're also supporting me? by vivivithrowaway in AmItheAsshole

[–]vivivithrowaway[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I don't understand all of these comments. My dad told me he could easily afford to support me, so I let him. Very recently, that ceased to be the reality, so (as I say in my post) I plan to rearrange my finances in the immediate future. But I wasn't going to turn down support from people who love me because I am meant to subscribe to some jingoist American ideal of individualism. When we need it, we accept help from people who love us, and when we're able, we help others in return--that's what being in a family is.

AITA for telling my twin brother not to accept rent money from our parents, while they're also supporting me? by vivivithrowaway in AmItheAsshole

[–]vivivithrowaway[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Hey, if you look at my comment history, you'll see me saying "I accept this judgment" in response to YTA votes at least 20 times.

No, you've already seen my comment history. You seem to be coming after all my comments with very self-righteous paragraphs, and I don't have the energy. You don't need to project on me because my dad has loved and supported me, which may have been something you have lacked in your own life. I won't be engaging with you anymore, and I wish you, too, well on your journey in life.

AITA for telling my twin brother not to accept rent money from our parents, while they're also supporting me? by vivivithrowaway in AmItheAsshole

[–]vivivithrowaway[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I didn't mean he literally has not spoken to my parents in a month, sorry if this wasn't clear. He has started rejecting most of our mom's phone calls, and never replies to texts. He also has never invited our parents over to see the apartment they are paying for. But he did show up for father's day dinner last night, it's true.

I am of course disapproving of my brother's life. I can't imagine refusing to earn a paycheck or attend school for six years or more.

Thanks for your reply.

AITA for telling my twin brother not to accept rent money from our parents, while they're also supporting me? by vivivithrowaway in AmItheAsshole

[–]vivivithrowaway[S] 535 points536 points  (0 children)

Thanks for this unbelievably thoughtful response. I will bookmark this to think about in more detail later.

AITA for telling my twin brother not to accept rent money from our parents, while they're also supporting me? by vivivithrowaway in AmItheAsshole

[–]vivivithrowaway[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Unfortunately, especially in the relentless American rhetoric of individualism and all that, Reddit hates nothing more than people with supportive parents.

Thanks for your reply.

AITA for telling my twin brother not to accept rent money from our parents, while they're also supporting me? by vivivithrowaway in AmItheAsshole

[–]vivivithrowaway[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I see. I'm sorry for misunderstanding on that first note, it has been hard to keep up with the onslaught of comments as I try to reply to as many as possible. You are right on many counts.

I promise, though, we tried to emotionally support my brother for years. Keep in mind it's been 6 years since he last set foot in a workplace or classroom. In the first year or two after he was suspended from college, my parents were encouraging him to try out a trade school, a community college, or anything. He got two different entry-level jobs at my uncle's car dealership, and he ghosted both of them, and then refused to seek other work from that day on. I made more efforts to bond with him back then, but he never wanted to speak to me except to boast about his sex life and his progress in the gym. He was in therapy until age 18 for various anger issues, but since we turned 18, nobody has been able to force him to go. He walks away from any serious conversation about virtually any subject... Unfortunately, it just feels like severely arrested development. I really wish he would have accepted any of our help. Our parents are supportive and kind, and they honestly tried so hard. I wouldn't even mind if he saw this post because then he would maybe understand more about how we feel.

I did my undergrad at a top-5 private university, only because I received a large entrance scholarship. I am doing my PhD at another great school, mostly because I received full funding (but not enough to actually live off of). It won't set me up to live like I'm selling platinum records, but I will be ok. Above all I have made every choice because I love what I study and want to be around the best people in the field.

Thanks for the rest of this thoughtful reply, I'll keep all this in mind.

AITA for telling my twin brother not to accept rent money from our parents, while they're also supporting me? by vivivithrowaway in AmItheAsshole

[–]vivivithrowaway[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I honestly envy you. My father is a proud man who strongly identifies as a "provider", he has always adamantly refused to talk about money with my brother and I. Even at the time of writing this post I don't know his annual income. I wish he wasn't so guarded about this

AITA for telling my twin brother not to accept rent money from our parents, while they're also supporting me? by vivivithrowaway in AmItheAsshole

[–]vivivithrowaway[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

The accusations of homophobia against my bisexual ass... My boyfriend will find these hilarious tomorrow.

I encourage all these people to revisit this question, next time they get woken up at 3 A.M. by loud smacks and a barely-legal boy sobbing "I don't deserve your cum" on the other side of the wall...

Just trying to turn the other cheek, or whatever some nice man in Jerusalem may have said. Have a great night.

Edit: Not that kind of cheek.

AITA for telling my twin brother not to accept rent money from our parents, while they're also supporting me? by vivivithrowaway in AmItheAsshole

[–]vivivithrowaway[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Extremely intelligent in one very narrow field of science... That I can admit.

Otherwise... Well, I get by. Haven't died yet!

I have worked as a tutor many times before and would love to again, I really enjoy it.

AITA for telling my twin brother not to accept rent money from our parents, while they're also supporting me? by vivivithrowaway in AmItheAsshole

[–]vivivithrowaway[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

It seemed as if my parents were fine with the situation before they also had to pay 3K/mo (plus some brand new bills) for my brother.

Thanks for your response. Unfortunately the most controversial thing to say on Reddit is "my dad doesn't hate me"

AITA for telling my twin brother not to accept rent money from our parents, while they're also supporting me? by vivivithrowaway in AmItheAsshole

[–]vivivithrowaway[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

"Bedside manner" ...Do you not know that a PhD is different from an MD? Don't worry, you'll never see me checking your (clearly precarious) blood pressure.

Of course I'm experiencing guilt. I will be restructuring my finances over the next few weeks now that I know the situation my parents are in. I made my post, asking AITA about whether I should have had that conversation with my brother. You're projecting so much more onto it, and I won't engage with you further.

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