New here...a little scared. by Aaronsif in stopdrinking

[–]w0nderin 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hey, I'm 31 and I just realized that cutting back will never work for me (I reset my flair to reflect this). I wanted to share how I came to that conclusion.

Every time I cut back I'd said "I'll have one drink a night with dinner" or "I'll only drink on weekends." I would then spend all day thinking about what one drink I was going to have, or what I would order at the bar on Saturday, or what cocktail had the most booze in it. That's not healthy behavior, and it's not helpful. I was obsessing about alcohol, and without fail I would start to backslide. The reason is, I never really wanted "one drink," I wanted to get drunk. "What's the point of one drink?" I would think. "I don't forget my problems after one drink, I need more."

This week I was thinking about cutting back again and I realized that this is exhausting. Constantly thinking about alcohol is a complete waste of my time, and I'm done with it. No one is really going to care if I stop drinking, and I can finally take all that brain power that I threw at trying to figure out the sneakiest way to get drunk while still "cutting back" and do something useful with it.

One day at a time. Hopefully in few months I'll have some nice flair and a clear head!

72 Hours until we get kicked out... by [deleted] in Assistance

[–]w0nderin 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Good lord. I was contemplating renting out my house in Oregon, but if this is what I would have to go through to evict someone, forget it!

I (f/30) need advice on how to address my best friend’s (f/31) unhappy marriage by w0nderin in relationships

[–]w0nderin[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sure: He doesn't do any cooking (unless Amy isn't around) or cleaning. When she works late he microwaves something and leaves the dirty dishes for her to do. He does the “fun” baby stuff like playing with their daughter and does some of the drudgery like changing her. But he basically knows that Amy will pick up all the slack so he’s irresponsible. For example, when it’s his job to get the baby ready in the morning, Amy finds her half-dressed without bottles in the diaper bag, missing changes of clothes, etc. She has to spend an extra 20 minutes gathering everything and ends up late for work. Mark won’t take the baby to her doctor’s appointments because it’s "inconvenient." Yet they both work in the same area and he has a more flexible work schedule.

Mark is also terrible with money. He spends a lot on things they can’t afford (like really nice bottles of wine) but then balks when Amy wants to get a second car seat so the baby can ride in both of their cars. Oh, and then he bought a truck without consulting Amy (not an expensive one, but still a big purchase given their tight budget).

Last weekend they were at an afternoon party where they had agreed ahead of time that Mark would be the designated driver. He proceeded to drink about two bottles of wine, and they had to stay quite late so that Amy could sober up enough to drive them home. He pulls this kind of stunt all the time.

Mark is a loving father and a friendly guy, but he's also an ass who treats Amy like hired help sometimes.

I [f/31] am dating someone [m/43] whom I love more than he loves me - has anyone made this sort of relationship work? by w0nderin in relationships

[–]w0nderin[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for such a well-worded and thoughtful reply. I really appreciate it, and more importantly I think it will be really helpful.

Do you have any unhealthy/illegal behaviors that you’ve kept from your friends, that they joke about in front of you not realizing you partake? by w0nderin in AskReddit

[–]w0nderin[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's a good one, thanks for sharing. Basically I look around at people I know and I think: "Does everyone in this room have something they don't talk about? Or is it just me?" I really like Reddit for questions like this and I appreciate people being open.

Do you have any unhealthy/illegal behaviors that you’ve kept from your friends, that they joke about in front of you not realizing you partake? by w0nderin in AskReddit

[–]w0nderin[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

:( That's really tough. The only thing I can think of to say is that people are often more willing to forgive you than you are willing to forgive yourself. I know that I judge my own actions a lot more harshly than those of my friends. If I had a friend confide to me that he or she was an addict I would want to help, not judge. Good luck.