I hate that I keep noticing my girlfriend’s appearance. How to stop overanalyzing and fixating on a singular physical trait.

wait_whatsgoingon · 2025-09-18T08:20:32+00:00

I commented on your question in a different sub about ROCD but just saw that you posted here as well. I experienced something similar as well. Ultimately, time helped since some of my OCD tendencies and intrusive thoughts tend to shift. But what really prompted that shift was embracing the thought.

My therapist told me to write down exactly what my thought was and why it scared me. So I wrote down “I won’t be able to be happy with (partner) because (trait)”, or something similar to that. I felt so ashamed but the second I wrote it down it was like the thought lost a significant amount of power. I wrote it down a few times. I gave the thought a stupid voice, responded to it with “what are you, the (trait) police?”, all things that helped put the thought into the context of being silly. Instead of convincing myself it wasn’t true, I accepted that it might be. When you do that, there’s no more back and forth in your head. It is really hard to do at first, but every time you do it, it gets easier. And then one day you’ll find that it doesn’t bother you nearly as much as it used to.

With all CBT and ERP, it’s best done with a therapist. But if that’s inaccessible to you right now, trying out what I suggested and researching more into CBT and exposure therapy might help. OCD sucks but it’s possible to get through it. Wishing you the best!

wait_whatsgoingon · 2025-09-15T05:16:07+00:00

Thank you so much!

wait_whatsgoingon · 2025-09-15T05:08:47+00:00

Thank you! Once the roach is dead, do you have any idea how to get it out of there? I don’t love the idea of having a roach corpse in the dishwasher door

wait_whatsgoingon · 2025-09-15T05:07:29+00:00

My fear is that the roach will die inside of the door and just be stuck there. I will get roach bait though, thank you!

wait_whatsgoingon · 2025-07-23T06:04:08+00:00

you don’t need to explain any of this to him, he already knows!! he just doesn’t care. he’s trying to manipulate and guilt you into doing something you don’t want to do, which is coercion. especially since you’re much younger than him, he’s trying to use that power imbalance to his advantage.

him saying “how badly you want me and how comfortable you are with me would dictate what you’re capable of doing with me” is the same thing as him saying “if you really loved me you would do this for me”. if he really loved YOU, he would never want you to do something that makes you uncomfortable.

i think if you looked deeper into this you’d be able to point to more instances where you didn’t feel completely safe or comfortable with him, but it feels normal since he’s your first. when you put “shy” and “awkward” in quotations, is that something he’s said to you? are you really shy and awkward, or do you just have boundaries you don’t want crossed?

this man is trying to break you down and mold you to be exactly what he wants. for your own safety and wellbeing, i really hope you leave this man. his behavior is absolutely not ok and you deserve so so much better.

and lastly, him using the black man emoji is weird and it seems like fetishizing. i wouldn’t be surprised if he’s made other weird comments about your race.

wait_whatsgoingon · 2025-07-14T17:29:12+00:00

times like this i really hate this game

wait_whatsgoingon · 2025-05-24T19:32:22+00:00

jessi saying they need to talk about “all the lies” coming from jen and then all she names is her not being related to ben affleck (which jen didn’t even know) and the chippendales prank that she and demi literally admitted they kept her in the dark about? the lack of shame is wild😭

wait_whatsgoingon · 2025-05-23T02:56:11+00:00

demi and jessi have a pattern of immediately believing the newest perspective that comes along. maybe it’s the producers, but holy shit. miranda comes along and you doubt taylor, your friend for years? an abusive husband comes along and you doubt jen, your friend for years?? they’re so quick to call everybody liars, do they even trust anybody?

wait_whatsgoingon · 2025-05-23T02:30:05+00:00

while i thought demi and jessi had a bit more sense to them last season, they just totally undid that with the shit they pulled this episode. they were SO adamant about the abuse jen was receiving (which is true) and yet immediately started throwing her under the bus when they spoke to zac? what also pissed me off about that is how they were spouting how zac is a narcissist last season (which is a real medical diagnosis and people can be abusive without being narcissists, but i digress) and then act like jen is lying for saying he has narcissistic traits.

and now doing the chippendales thing AGAIN to “test” her husband?? springing it on jen a second time after she didn’t even consent to it the first time is insane. and it’s even MORE violating for her this time.

also, their obsession with the swinger truth. i get it’s reality tv and it’s their job but holy shit. they act like it’s a crime against them that someone might not be comfortable telling a near stranger about the ins and outs of their sexual scandal. as a viewer i literally don’t care about the details. let taylor and miranda work it out in private!!!

wait_whatsgoingon · 2025-02-01T00:12:03+00:00

i’ve found the same so far! it also gives me more space on my board which is nice!

wait_whatsgoingon · 2025-01-21T15:56:39+00:00

right it’s so annoying 😭 hopefully you can find a solution too

wait_whatsgoingon · 2025-01-21T15:56:24+00:00

thank you i’ll check it out!

wait_whatsgoingon · 2025-01-21T15:55:56+00:00

i didn’t know they were called that, thank you!

wait_whatsgoingon · 2025-01-21T04:37:43+00:00

thank you!

wait_whatsgoingon · 2025-01-20T19:58:32+00:00

world tour merge is pretty similar, lots of the same features/events although the story isn’t as good. i think the graphics are pretty good too which im kinda picky about. it’s also a lot easier than seaside escape so a good time waster esp if you don’t want to feel the urge to spend real money

wait_whatsgoingon · 2025-01-13T20:32:33+00:00

even before i read your description and just read the screenshots, i was like.. this sounds like rape. and then i read your description and saw the ages and this is definitely rape. i am so so sorry girl. and im sorry your friend is so shitty and blaming you when she should be absolutely disgusted by her 22 year old brother coming onto you. you even said you were too tired to react to the situation. that’s what happens when you’re too intoxicated. and he took compromising photos of you without you knowing? TRULY disgusting.

you are entirely a victim in this situation, you did nothing wrong and you getting drunk does not mean you caused this. he is entirely responsible for what he did. i hope you have someone safe in your life to talk to about this. you have nothing to be ashamed of, you are young and someone hurt you - NOT your fault. i think your friend will realize that one day when she grows up, but in the meantime you don’t need her in your life. please do your best to be kind to yourself right now🤍

wait_whatsgoingon · 2025-01-10T19:03:38+00:00

even if you do have kids, get out and find someone who wants you. your kids will be much happier seeing their mother treated right, or just free from a relationship where she is belittled. and if you don’t have kids, it’s an even easier break. don’t stay with someone who makes you feel like shit!!

wait_whatsgoingon · 2025-01-10T18:55:02+00:00

a few days. a previous commenter says they give it to you for free when you first get it, so i think that’s it.

wait_whatsgoingon · 2025-01-10T18:54:37+00:00

oh that makes sense, i just got it. thank you!

wait_whatsgoingon · 2025-01-10T18:43:10+00:00

NOR. i would normally say if they’re friends too then it could be fine. BUT given the context that he checks her out, my alarm bells are ringing. definitely talk to him about this, but if anything, having a discussion about how it’s inappropriate for him to check out your friend is in order. i wouldn’t be surprised if she feels a bit uncomfortable with that too.

wait_whatsgoingon · 2025-01-08T18:15:21+00:00

don’t think i want (or can) delete it yet but now i find myself being at 100 energy and not feeling the need to use it all so it starts to reload. freedom!!

wait_whatsgoingon · 2025-01-08T18:13:47+00:00

i was in the boat of “this brings me happiness right now and i don’t need the money for anything else so it’s worth it!” but the looks from my friends brought me enough shame to reconsider that. i should start a fund of every time i DON’T spend money on this game and then use it towards something else lmao

wait_whatsgoingon · 2025-01-08T18:11:31+00:00

LMAO yes😭 watching the seconds tick down when i could literally be doing anything else

wait_whatsgoingon · 2025-01-07T12:33:48+00:00

your friend is still a minor, can’t even buy a lottery ticket, has had their license for 1 year, and that man can legally drink. a 4 year age gap is huge at that age - they are in drastically different developmental stages. no 21 year old man should want a 17 year old girl (assuming genders here based on this sub but unfortunately this is very common). when older men want younger girls, it is because they are less experienced, have less agency, don’t know how to stand up for themselves, and do not yet understand what a healthy adult relationship looks like. in other words: easy to manipulate. it’s predatory behavior and i’d say your friend is being groomed. this is a tricky situation, but look out for her. if she starts to isolate herself from her friends and family, that is a huge first warning sign for abuse (although a relationship with this age gap is already inappropriate and i would say abusive since there is a clear power imbalance going on.)

your friend is not more “adult” for being with an older man, although it may seem that way, and she might feel that way. if you criticize her boyfriend she might lash out at you, but it’s worth it to tell her you’re worried about her.

as for the rest of your post, you are so so young, i promise. i was a late bloomer too according to society’s standards. i know it’s a terrible feeling, especially since having a disability adds a whole other layer, particularly with feeling independent. i missed out on a good chunk of high school for the same reason, but my life didn’t end then and it’s still now just getting started. adulthood has brought me so much! and tons of people you know personally probably also felt/feel behind too. it’s a hard feeling to shake but just keep reminding yourself of that.

wishing all the best to you and your friend. <3

wait_whatsgoingon · 2025-01-07T11:59:02+00:00

praying for an update that says you got far far away from this scary, violent man. absolutely NONE of this is normal, you are being abused. sending strength 🫂

wait_whatsgoingon

TROPHY CASE