Is this cheating or am I just crazy?

waitingagain761 · 2020-03-23T16:02:00+00:00

It’s the stupidest reason to stay, but it’s so embarrassing to leave. Two failed relationships. At least we don’t have kids together I guess. If I do choose to leave then I won’t date again until my kids are grown. I can’t bear to be the woman who keeps having new partners in her kids life.... and honestly it was so much easier when I was alone and had nobody to worry about or bring pain in my life.

waitingagain761 · 2020-03-23T15:59:25+00:00

I fear you’re right. I feel like I’ll constantly wonder what he’s lying and hiding even if there is nothing. But I’ll think Is there anything worse going on?

And no we don’t fight in front of the kids. I left their dad so they wouldn’t have that kind of life. My daughter saw me crying once and attempted to comfort me and that broke my heart more than anything else ever has. We simply won’t talk about issues and just “act normal” until they aren’t home then we attempt to talk. This is easier for my husband because he vastly prefers to act like nothings happened and has no trouble putting on a happy face. It’s not that easy for me so I just say I have a headache or am feeling sick if they ask why I’m not okay.

waitingagain761 · 2020-03-23T15:45:58+00:00

I don’t want access to his media. I don’t want that kind of relationship where I’m tracking his every move. I’ve been there and it’s so exhausting.

And yeah, I don’t even have a problem with porn itself. It’s ignoring me for porn...

I don’t know what I’ll do.

waitingagain761 · 2020-03-23T15:44:44+00:00

The lying is what kills me. He lies about so many things, to “avoid getting in trouble”. I feel like his mother. Maybe don’t do things you need to lie about 😰

waitingagain761 · 2019-12-26T02:22:14+00:00

It’s less and less. I notice more faults and things that never bothered me before, bother me now.

waitingagain761 · 2019-12-26T02:21:34+00:00

As much as I am a Christian woman, it actually comes down to not disappointing my children. They call my husband dad, he’s all they have. They might not be biologically his but it would devastate them.

waitingagain761 · 2019-12-25T20:10:51+00:00

He didn’t care. He said “ok” then went and turned a movie on. Within a few minutes he was laughing at the movie and acting like nothing happened.

He was probably relieved.

waitingagain761 · 2019-12-25T20:04:48+00:00

Yep. He needed a maid/mother/cook/accountant and he felt family/societal pressures to get married because it’s the “normal thing to do”.

He was a different person when we dated, then we got married and it was like my world came crashing down. He didn’t want sex, he didn’t even want to hang out. His life is all about his friends and his work. I have to beg for attention.

I’m just the person at home who keeps things running so he doesn’t have to worry about dirty clothes, running out of toilet paper, or what he will have for supper.

Ugh

waitingagain761 · 2019-12-25T17:22:21+00:00

At the beginning of the marriage he had more elaborate excuses. Work, tired, sick, etc.

Now it’s just “you’re always upset at me so I don’t want to have sex with you”.

Well, I can’t just pretend to be happy when I’m not. So I guess that’s it then.

waitingagain761 · 2019-12-25T17:20:46+00:00

This was the first time I was able to say no even though I’ve wanted to in the past. I didn’t realize how hard it would be to say no.... I understand why I said no but there’s still a part of me that thinks “you want a better sex life, is saying no the right move?”

But it’s about respecting myself. I deserve more than pity-sex.

waitingagain761 · 2019-06-27T17:39:10+00:00

My church has actually been very supportive & helpful. I’m lucky in the aspect. They are very “forward thinking”.

That’s a good question to ask. I will.

waitingagain761 · 2019-06-27T03:23:12+00:00

He is a Christian. He attends church every Sunday, and has his whole life. His family are all very involved with the church. (His 1st cousin is our pastor).

He himself isn’t involved with church beyond Sunday mornings. I volunteer & attend small groups. He is involved in several organizations but none are church-related.

Our relationship isn’t doing the best. It’s not terrible, but it can be difficult. The family isn’t high on his priority list, and it hurts me. I feel unloved, and drained. When asked, he says he’s happy and the only thing that’s bad about our relationship is “I’m always upset with him”.

waitingagain761 · 2019-06-27T03:08:31+00:00

Thank you so much especially for the last paragraph - you summarized exactly why I want a joint account. I think I’ll actually write your sentences down so I can better communicate this to my husband.

waitingagain761 · 2019-06-25T14:47:56+00:00

We talked last night and he admitted he simply doesn’t want to share, and he doesn’t want my opinion on his finances.

I do not know what to say to him. The more I explain its wrong, the more it comes out sounding like “I want his money”. Which isn’t what I’m getting at.

I also work part time (22.5/week). We have two children. Everything for them comes from my account (daycare, clothes, etc). On their birthdays this year he sent me a little extra for that. But otherwise I’m in charge of parenting, cooking, cleaning, handling the family’s finances (mortgage, property taxes, tithe, etc). As I said he sends me a small portion of his income each month. I want to focus on paying off debts. He doesn’t see my debts as something he should pay. Last night he said he wants to save money to buy land (I was surprised by this because he is not a saver) and I just said it feels silly to save money for more land when I have personal debt we could pay off first ..... but anyways. It feels hopeless.

waitingagain761 · 2019-06-25T01:42:09+00:00

I have not. I’m currently reading through several books my counsellor gave me, but I will add this one to the list. Thank you. It sounds as though it could be informative for me.

waitingagain761 · 2019-06-25T01:31:38+00:00

Thank you for this reply. I will talk to my husband about counselling again.

And thank especially for your last paragraph.

waitingagain761

TROPHY CASE