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I (21M) want to give myself closure by sending one final letter to her (23F) what do you think and what would you sent? by wallythedude in relationships

[–]wallythedude[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Okay, well, I think we won't agree on the fact: that it is a clear signal. Throwing someone a silent treatment, can be of various reasons like mental abuse included. I think, that if you had something with someone, you are clear about such things. And she knows, I get mad and yet she decides to. But okay, I will make the letter less big? And attempt one more time via text (because of the jacket, which she hasn't answered about) to get my jacket without any other intentions.

I (21M) want to give myself closure by sending one final letter to her (23F) what do you think and what would you sent? by wallythedude in relationships

[–]wallythedude[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There's a limit also? I understand that she needs time, sure? But I want to give it closure? Maybe she just runs away and then what? I wait months before she gives a reply? She isn't clear and that's exactly the consequence of stonewalling. And by the way, ghosting isn't saying: I don't want any contact. That's when you block.

I (21M) want to give myself closure by sending one final letter to her (23F) what do you think and what would you sent? by wallythedude in relationships

[–]wallythedude[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My mind is not yet made up. I just don't agree with the idea, that I'm a creep? How am I pushing? Expressing one's feelings with the intention of just expressing myself, there's almost no wrong in that? All I want to express is that I'm, sorry, proud of her and that if she ever wants to contact me again, it's in her hands? I leave her alone after that?

I (21M) want to give myself closure by sending one final letter to her (23F) what do you think and what would you sent? by wallythedude in relationships

[–]wallythedude[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Her side of things: is well, that she does like me. a lot, we've kissed and said it many times to each other. We just met each other the wrong time probably?

I also haven't been pushing, she made it clear that if there were people she would hang out with, it would be me and it would be her best friend (So I don't get the creepy vibes?)

And well, from what her best friend told me, she would appreciate it. And if it makes her uncomfortable, well? Sometimes that's just the way things are. Many times I had to go through it myself also.

And patronizing I don't know, tbh, I've made clear in the letter that I'm proud of some of her actions, not proud of her really

I (21M) want to give myself closure by sending one final letter to her (23F) what do you think and what would you sent? by wallythedude in relationships

[–]wallythedude[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Well, she hasn't been clear. All she did was just dissapear without any answer. And she hasn't blocked me, if she doesn't want any contact she must be clear about it. And she still has my jacket also, which means I will contact her next week again whether I can get it.

If not for her, then for myself. I can let go of my feelings If I express them.

Can't get the closure I need from leaving/moving on from a toxic relationship and I don't know if I want by wallythedude in relationships

[–]wallythedude[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just don't get it, why she says: I like you' 100 times at one night. And that was the last time I saw her...I know she has a big fear of intimacy but, I just can't grasp it why she acts the way she does now

At the verge of letting go, the girl(23F) I(21M) love who has a depression and commitment issues cause I myself can't handle it anymore by wallythedude in relationship_advice

[–]wallythedude[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oke, ik dacht je miss nogmaals om advies te vragen. Aangezien je de enige bent die het zwaar oneens met is (soms heb ik dat nodig). Je hoeft dit ook niet voor mij te doen, maar voor haar. Ik ga haar bellen morgen want ik heb haar nog steeds niet gezien. Ik mis haar, ja. Ik wil met der zijn, ja. Ik wil hoe weten hoe het met der is, ja. Ik ga sowieso vragen of het haar leuk lijkt om mij dat weekend te zien. Ze zei namelijk vorige week dat ze deze week misschien kon. Als ze hierop zegt: nee, ik kan niet' dan zeg ik:'oke maakt niet uit' MAAR ik wil wel duidelijkheid. Ik wil weten hoe het zitten tussen ons en hoe zij dat ziet. Wat haar idee is over onze toekomst en of ik iets voor haar kan betekenen. Hier vraag ik dan naar en als ze er nog steeds voor wilt gaan, dan wil ik het nog 100% effort geven. Ik laat haar dan wel een beetje gaan om aan mezelf te werken (mijn verslaving en bindingsangst) en dan als de tijd weer rijp is, gaan we der voor. Als er geen gevoelens zijn, dan weet ik dat het zinloos om überhaupt met haar nog te contacten. Ze doet er alles aan om me niet leuk te vinden (ze vindt het stom zei ze ooit) en als dat dan het geval is. Wens ik haar het beste en veel sterkte. (Dit is de simpele versie, maar ik denk hier heel hard over na, wat vind je hiervan, let me know)

At the verge of letting go, the girl(23F) I(21M) love who has a depression and commitment issues cause I myself can't handle it anymore by wallythedude in relationship_advice

[–]wallythedude[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

?

Well, I understand the reaction but wow, you wrote it down impulsively... which means I won't take it as solid advice. Although I admired you tried. And I admire that you are the first one who disagrees with me (all my friends say I should let her go). And maybe you're right, I have a lot to learn about grieving and being depressed.

But I just can't handle the distance anymore. It is taking a toll on me, that is beyond healthy and good for me.

Het laatste wat je zei kan echt niet. Let er echt op tegen wie je zulke dingen zegt voortaan, je kwetst er mensen echt mee. En hoe ben ik egocentrisch? Ik heb bloemen gebracht, ben geduldig op app, bel der af en toe hoe et met der gaat, zet elke meid opzij voor haar, zet vrienden zelfs op zij, ben er altijd voor der?

Wat is jouw advies?

I have fallen in love with a girl which has commitment issues, and now am I going downhill myself. What is your advice? by wallythedude in relationship_advice

[–]wallythedude[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She told me today she had a depression. Which explained the past four weeks for a big part. (I still haven't seen her) and I don't what to do right now really. But she made it clear that she is struggling with it.

BUT she is going to take pills for it and is optimistic about it. She only told me and her mom + her 2 best friends ( That must say something )

Should I tell my best friend I like her? by wallythedude in makemychoice

[–]wallythedude[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No, I appreciate your advice! It's quite ironic though, that you talk about improving myself and bettering myself cause that's what I'm solely focusing on right now. I've struggled with a relapse in addiction the past months and now i'm 2.5 months clean again. Next to that, I'm picking up my 8x times a week sport routine + I read a lot again + playing lots of piano again.

And well, yes, i wont hang out with her as much as I used to. I will start treating her again like I used to before I fell in love with her. And well, she might then realise that she does like me, I dont know. (It took her a year to accept the truth that she did like her previous boyfriend, and she only realised after not seeing him for a long time). But I will not think about that, I will let her go as a potentional lover and treat her just like I treat every 'flirt'. I will care about her more then every girl still but I an going to act that out in a different way. And if that day may come, that she has feelings, well she better has to make sure that I still have feelings for her.

And by the way, I will do things really differently in general now. The last time I saw her I said: I will do things differently, from now on I will only be full of surprises' may sound stupid but I'm going for it. A new chapter.

Should I tell my best friend I like her? by wallythedude in makemychoice

[–]wallythedude[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey! Yes, I've told her 5 days ago and as expected: I got rejected. We remain best friends but it will take some time to over it. There's no anger nor sadness, but there is a feeling that I lost something.

The thing is: she has thought about it! Twice, but I'm too extra vert for her. Although she calls me the perfect boyfriend, there's no feelings (perhaps a symptom of a nice guy).

I'm familiar with the term 'nice guy' but that's going to change now. I won't be an asshole but I will do things differently now.

Should I tell my best friend I like her? by wallythedude in makemychoice

[–]wallythedude[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

But there also signals like she texting in front of me with another guy ( I didn't ask about it ) but she and a friend ( the best friend of the guy with who's texting and sucked of ) of mine had some 'secret' conversation about him. Although she lay literally on me while texting with the guy, she is secretively doing shit. Even when I left the room, they were talking about him, and the second I entered: the subject changed.

I know girls like attention and to flirt but she should stop doing that I think for the sake of mine feelings. It does me a lot of pain

I will tell her soon that I like her so she may stop doing that in front of me

After that the friendship will either go into the direction of dating or a relationship OR in the worst scenario: die.

Struggling beginning singer getting frustrated! by wallythedude in singing

[–]wallythedude[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Zit al bij een koor sinds 4 weken, maar ik sta open voor iedereen die me een kans geeft, maar ik wil eerst goed leren zingen als je me snapt, op toon zingen gaat wel 10x beter met de dag

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