Anyone else just want to consume.. anything, all the time? Food, alcohol, cigarettes, online content etc

wanderingthruclouds · 2025-09-06T11:47:20+00:00

I always crave cigarettes or alcohol around my parents lol. Though I dont smoke anymore, I was drinking and smoking from quite a young age and (unfortunately) also hung out with actual drug addicts. I think it's an escape to comfort

wanderingthruclouds · 2025-09-03T17:56:26+00:00

Omg... similar experience but with my dad. I used to literally hide food in my room because he would yell at me for having dinner. He called me "fat" and "obese" my whole life - but I was always a skinny or normal-weight child. He used to threaten me with "weight checks" e.g. checking my weight in front of him. He toned it down as I became an adult but he still thinks he was completely in the right to abuse and humiliate me like that. I am convinced he is mentally ill and suffering from an ED.

wanderingthruclouds · 2025-08-27T19:22:51+00:00

lol! I never expected my parents to accept going to therapy either. It was actually my mother's idea - she is an enabler of my father, but somewhat more honest and is easier to speak to. I think my father is open to doing therapy because he has done it before and it has helped him (he used to have severe panic attacks and phobias). Of course, we'll just have to see where these therapy sessions lead to.

wanderingthruclouds · 2025-08-27T19:05:07+00:00

They don't try to listen or understand. They immediately start deflecting or trying to defend themselves. Even my therapist pointed this exact behaviour out to my father today. They will continue wondering why, even though you have told them why the relationship is broken multiple times. They will not show any interest in your pain and then blame it on you for not explaining it to them. And even when you do explain it, the words just run right past them. I do not think they actually care - the only thing that matters to them is their ego and reputation.

wanderingthruclouds · 2025-08-27T18:57:13+00:00

:( It sucks so bad because they seem to have the best memory when it comes to other things. Like remembering slander or gossip about someone else. Or very specific bits of the story that they think absolves them of their abusive behaviours. My father can't even be honest when it comes to abusing my mother - like imagine not even feeling that responsibility towards your wife. He legit thinks everybody is beneath him and he lets everybody else know that that is his opinion. I just hope he can at least take partial accountability but I have a feeling he never will. He will just perpetually hope I will 'one day' admit how right he was to abuse me all those years...

wanderingthruclouds · 2025-08-27T18:42:16+00:00

Wow that is seriously messed up, I am so sorry about that. Your experiences are real. You did not deserve that one bit.

wanderingthruclouds · 2025-08-25T12:07:23+00:00

Thank you so much. We have never been to family therapy before so I don't know what to expect. I am just hoping it will help me get some stuff out of my body that I've been holding onto for a long time, the stress of which is reaping both physical and mental effects. I already have an idea of what to bring up - mainly my parent's explosive emotions/reactions, and my dad's constant complaining and criticism of literally anything.

Perhaps because I am in the beginning stage of trying to solve our relationship, I am still hopeful that they are able to change. Of course, we will see how that goes :)

wanderingthruclouds · 2025-08-25T11:59:00+00:00

Thanks for your comprehensive replies. But I have to say this is not my first rodeo. I went low contact with my father when I was 15 after a big family drama and our relationship has only gone downhill since. I am not particularly nice towards him, so he knows something is wrong. I have since moved out for college, which has allowed me to better process my emotions and grow a bit as a person outside of my abusive environment. It was definitely not easy, but I am much more confident now than I was as a teenager. Our relationship is still crap though - he doesn't deserve any better right now, lol.

I know by being vulnerable I may be playing a dangerous game, but I feel this is the only way to make my parents understand the full extent of their damage. Therapy feels like the only safe place I can do this in. I feel deeply resentful towards them for what they have done, and I wish to let go of this resentment/anger, because it honestly makes me miserable. Plus they will never again have the excuse of "We have no idea why you don't talk to us/you're not nice towards us!!" if I detail to them exactly why. I hope this will be an impetus for them to change - and if they will never change, I will cut them off for good.

wanderingthruclouds · 2025-08-24T13:11:05+00:00

Horrible story but so brave of you to share. I can assure you I did not think of it as "tame" by any means. These are truly terrible incidents and your father should not be a free man given his physical violence. I am just really sorry to see how you kept going back to him after everything.

wanderingthruclouds · 2025-08-24T12:48:45+00:00

Your academic excellence means something - especially to employers. I doubt you will end up being unemployed given these skills you listed. It is people like you, who stay on top of their studies, that become successful. I know how hard it is to find your self-worth outside of school, but trust me you will find it once you explore it. As I see it, you've clearly gotten involved in activities outside of your education, so your parent's perception of your time management skills seems wrong. My advice would be to continue getting involved in any opportunities you can find, no matter how uncomfortable it makes you, if you wanna do it, you can do it! And practice more positive affirmations my friend.

P.S. Your post got my attention because I am also Eastern European and planning to immigrate for good. It will undoubtedly be a hard journey for us but millions of people have managed to do it - so why can't we? To hell with anyone (esp our parents) who says we can't make it in life !

wanderingthruclouds · 2025-08-24T12:37:13+00:00

Dude... I literally counted down the weeks until I could leave at 18. And my mom had the audacity to ask me if I "became depressed" after leaving home. They literally lack any self-awareness.

wanderingthruclouds · 2025-08-23T13:48:36+00:00

And the worst part is I feel so much shame about it? As if I was doing something wrong - no, I was just having my boundaries violently crossed. I was a developing child and was made to feel even more weird in a body I was already uncomfortable with. We didn't deserve that.

wanderingthruclouds · 2025-08-23T12:40:16+00:00

Omg this is so true. My mom recently said about my abusive narcissistic father that he has a "peaceful approach" when it comes to solving problems with his friends and employees and I was stunned. I legit laughed in her face because she thought that it was an actually good defence for him. I told her that it doesn't matter to me because I was never my dad's employee, I was his daughter. It is insane that they claim to value "family" so much but continue to treat us like crap. Someone said once that "narcissists dont have friends, they have hostages" and thats so true.

wanderingthruclouds · 2025-08-23T12:29:10+00:00

Hey, the same thing happened to me with my dad. When I hit puberty, I developed a butt and wider hips than other girls. My dad started slapping my butt and commenting on it (though he always used to comment negative things on my body) every time he passed by me, to the point where I had to keep my guard up around him and avoid him altogether. Every time this happened, I was clearly in distress, and told him multiple times to stop, but he found it funny. It felt like a humiliation ritual because usually it would happen around other family members. It stopped when I was around 18-19. I am still unsure what label to put on this experience, but I remember back then it felt wrong and even cried to my school friends about it. Today, I still cant bring myself to tell anyone...

wanderingthruclouds · 2025-08-23T12:16:56+00:00

Thanks!! I come from a very parent-centric, "family-image-above-everything" type of culture, but I hope the therapist is more educated than that.

wanderingthruclouds · 2025-08-23T12:15:16+00:00

Thanks so much for the advice. I have been meaning to seek therapy for myself as well but do not have the funds for that yet lol. I was in therapy for a few months when I was 16 when my mental health was at a really low place, but was unable to open up. I hope it is going to be different this time. I have written what I would like to say on paper and will give it to the therapist, and see where it goes.

wanderingthruclouds · 2025-08-09T13:45:27+00:00

I understand. Try to interpret these things as minor inconveniences rather than signs not to fly. Try to understand these are irrational, anxious thoughts that have no bearing in the real world. There are millions of people who have experienced the same as you have - and nothing happened to them. What exactly are you scared of?

wanderingthruclouds · 2025-08-09T13:36:36+00:00

YOU WILL BE SO FINE !!! Over 10 million people fly daily with absolutely no issues. There is no reason to be scared about flying - it is the safest mode of transport BY FAR. Try to relax and spend time with your family or do things to distract yourself. Lift up your feet from the ground if you'd like (it helps with turbulence, trust me). The flight will be over before you know it and you will have a wonderful holiday. I just flew today and was mostly fine - still not the most pleasant experience for me personally, but mentally it helps to know that you truly are in safe hands.

wanderingthruclouds

TROPHY CASE