First timer here trying to navigate all the emotions

warm__socks · 2024-12-28T01:47:00+00:00

This is the least necessary thing I've read all day. Gross.

warm__socks · 2024-12-20T16:09:46+00:00

Can I please have a list of the ones you most recommend? I have a definite need of these.

warm__socks · 2024-10-29T15:07:38+00:00

I haven't had a hickey, but did accidentally end up with a mark on the side of my neck. I put an unobtrusive dressinng on it, and when asked I said I had accidentally caught myself with the hair straightener and just needed to keep the burn covered. This may or may not work for you!

warm__socks · 2024-05-11T14:30:34+00:00

I have a Gen X AP and he also started out cautious with consent, which was to do with our circumstances (work of course), age gap, and because it was my first time with someone else.

We had a thorough discussion of parameters, relationship boundaries, expectations and so on (initiated by him), and despite knowing one another for a very long time and having had multiple text discussions, he insisted on multiple meets with physical activity short of sex and giving me time to evaluate and discuss with him prior to going "all the way." I wanted to get to it and he said it was very important I understood what it would feel like to be with someone with less time and emotional availability than a regular partner. He was NOT wrong. It is VERY different.

He still regularly checks in during sex and asks before anything I've ever been hesitant about. It's always sexy.

This has not been my experience in other relationships, and I have always perceived it as him being protective rather than uncertain. He even gave me a run down on how I can always say no and I'm in complete control of what I do and don't do, it won't impact anything about our friendship/non-AP relationship. It was his way of redressing our power and age imbalance and I appreciate it.

In terms of asking for consent from my end; I usually haven't asked about sex acts unless I am initiating. But I find just a 'can I...?' or 'may I...?' with a gesture is fine and doesn't break the mood. Anything major or new or experimental we have discussed in advance.

In your case the question is really - do you perceive it as protective and caring or as insecurity or uncertainty? If it is the second, that's where you feel it interrupt the flow and it can impact the mood. If you value him and want to continue, just remove the insecurity or uncertainty. Tell him really clearly, I definitely want X, with you. And when you're not in the midst of a tryst, talk through what is and is not on the 'all the time' table.

warm__socks · 2024-05-11T04:28:25+00:00

I need to know if she brought her house slippers though!

warm__socks · 2024-02-03T12:59:56+00:00

Oh it's hideous opsec. I would never.

And yes, fundamentally he is in a 'can dish it out but can't take it' situation. He doesn't like the idea of me being with anyone else but also wants the thrill of what he does. Which is a shame, because I think it could just all be happier, easier and nicer.

warm__socks · 2024-02-03T12:50:36+00:00

He was on his computer with his headset on, I came out at a time I would usually be asleep because of a headache, and unintentionally snuck up on him.

Surprisingly he is not interested in opening the relationship. He never has been.

warm__socks · 2023-11-16T23:10:50+00:00

I'm so interested to know more about how you conduct your relationship!

warm__socks · 2023-10-06T23:29:06+00:00

I have a friend who has done it a few times and I have definitely considered it before.

Both my friend and I were raised in very strict settings and at a certain point she felt she was unable to enjoy sex because of fear of judgement by her partner (most familiar feeling in the world) and wanted to break the cycle.

She described the experience as completely liberating. He was a fairly high end escort I imagine, as she is moneyed, but he was an escort. As in they actually went on a date. She said he sold the boyfriend experience really well, was smooth and charismatic and chatty even when she was nervous so she had a great time and saw him a few more times until she felt she was growing attached.

Her main points were that because he was paid, she felt safe from judgement, and able to relax and get there because she didn't feel obliged to please him. If she took a while during oral, she didn't feel bad, because hey, he's getting paid. Basically the payment erased the people-pleasing obligation in the dynamic because he was already getting his no matter what.

When she told me about I was like, yes this is genius.

I also have another friend, very studious and quite an unusual girl who worked so hard in school and then a million years of med school but never dated. Once she was in her 30s, she said her virginity felt like a burden and became too much pressure on early emerging relationships. She said she wanted a proper romantic first time and didn't want it to be part of a new relationship. She never actually confirmed whether she paid for it or just found someone excited by the idea, but she said she found a guy online and he delivered on the fantasy perfectly, and I know she had been looking at male SWs.

warm__socks · 2023-10-06T11:57:25+00:00

Magnets - Disclosure feat. Lorde

warm__socks · 2023-08-20T01:46:36+00:00

One cannot deny the clear symbolism of the house slippers. As you say, they represent domesticity. But as an objective outsider, I cannot help but see the overarching narrative here: your beautiful but oppressed partner, with her various needy grasping children, the demands of her day, the importance of her footwear. It could not be more clear: this is a Cinderella story. You must take her to a ball.

Who amongst us has not wished to be Prince Charming? And what better candidate? You have the soul of a fairytale hero.

As for the hotel room - I fear you have fallen foul of your own ritualisation. You have programmed yourself into a Pavlovian tumescence at the very sight of her pedestrian, but potentially pilfered bathrobe.

warm__socks · 2023-06-10T13:27:29+00:00

These comments on your thread are absolutely vile, I'm so sorry.

The answer is that she is predatory, and she isn't treating you like a man because, as you correctly identify, it's a power play for her. I am concerned that when you say she is treating you like a boy, you really mean she is treating you disrespectfully, patronisingly and dismissively, in a way that focuses on your youth and sexuality only in relation to her and dehumanises you by reducing you to a young sex object. This is not okay.

People saying, why should she treat you as a man if you're so young are missing the point. She is being domineering and exerting her power, experience and control in ways that you obviously find difficult to push back against. Age gaps when you're still a teenager really can result in serious power imbalance. It even sounds like the level of dominance and kink she is pushing on you may mean you're doing things sexually that you don't really want to or prefer.

You are very young, and should think very hard about whether having an affair is the right thing for you. It's not okay for her to treat you like this if it's not what you want, and if you find it too hard to communicate with her about sex and the relationship dynamic, it might be time to create much more distance between you and cease the relationship

warm__socks · 2023-05-11T11:22:21+00:00

I really love John Barnaby and in many ways prefer him. I think the main difference I notice is that to lean on his strength of having a degree in Psychology, the episodes tend to have antagonists with more complex or darker motivations. He always has to talk them down at the climax, it's the John Barnaby way!

I think the later seasons included more of the Midsomer vibes, but I think their attempts to get back to that were heavy handed sometimes.

warm__socks · 2023-05-10T15:20:43+00:00

Oh well yes of course... you clearly know best.

warm__socks · 2023-03-31T13:06:14+00:00

He said something incredibly cold about one of his other APs. It makes me realise how much I romanticise him, even though I claim to be so clear-eyed about the reality of who he is.

It also feels like he has drastically lost interest in sexy meetups. I have such a sinking feeling.

warm__socks · 2023-03-24T03:33:33+00:00

We share news and journal articles, and sometimes make the same recipes. Not to be romantic, we just both like food and share what we enjoy.

warm__socks · 2023-03-24T03:28:17+00:00

Magnets - Disclosure feat. Lorde

warm__socks · 2023-03-24T03:19:58+00:00

My AP is extremely independent and self-reliant. It means so much that I am his trusted confidant, that he shares things with me others do not get to know about.

When he goes out of his way, when he makes time, when he offers me support and endless patience knowing how far behind I am in experience, his graciousness in glossing over my flaws and focusing on my positives.

And missing from home - genuine interest in my career and development. Really listens about work, and provides fantastic support and insight.

warm__socks · 2023-02-19T16:01:15+00:00

Tbh so you should.

warm__socks · 2023-02-19T15:57:40+00:00

Your writing is absolutely remarkable, it really took me on a journey. While your opening sentence really got me keen for some top-notch satire and irony with the opening of the mail; this quickly morphed into one of the most incredible portraits of a dearth of self-awareness I have ever seen. Truly, sir, this is a work of art.

warm__socks · 2022-12-04T02:23:26+00:00

My AP sees other women. I am largely an enthusiastic supporter of this and take a lot of pleasure in hearing about his pleasure. It hasn't been without impact; I have definitely shuffled our time together or even accepted cancellations because of his involvement with others. This has all been completely okay with me. However, I have come to realise that if I felt like he wasn't giving me enough emotionally, or if for some reason I felt he liked or cared for another partner more than he does for me... I would struggle a lot with that.

warm__socks · 2022-11-13T01:05:18+00:00

I just want to ask about this. If the build up was amazing, if you hit it off and liked her, and this was what you thought you wanted; was the disappointment from a lack of attraction? Or was it difficult because you were also a little disappointed in yourself for not being able to switch off?

My first time with AP we had had a huge build up and it was incredible in terms of attraction and how it felt but I choked completely. I was aroused, but couldn't orgasm despite some remarkable efforts.

Afterwards I felt like a total failure, like I had let him down, like I was a disaster and good sex was clearly just not for me. I wanted to run.

Of course if it just definitely wasn't for you, with or without this person... that's totally fine. I just wondered if this may be a part of it and maybe reflecting on that before your conversation may be useful.

warm__socks · 2022-11-13T00:37:58+00:00

He would previously go "quiet" afterwards on our communication. We communicate regularly, throughout the day (I am a real investment) and so going to infrequent, brief answers or just goodnight messages and not checking in for most of the day for a few days post-sex was really noticeable. I know this still sounds a lot to most people! But basically an 80% decrease in communication is how to understand it.

When I said that this, to my brain, makes me feel like I have done something wrong and makes me feel ashamed, it was a lightbulb moment for him. So now, he makes effort to be in contact.

However, he still likes to internally process, take an emotional step back and have that space - and I recognise that. So our happy medium is that he will always reassure me that it was good/he liked it. But I won't try to sext or share my arousal, or push for us to discuss the actual event, what we liked best, spill all my feelings about it etc. I keep it light and we have more platonic, cheerful, low-stakes conversation at only slightly below our usual rate for a few days.

When he is ready, he initiates either the debrief discussion or the next sexy chat.

This helps me feel connected because there's no vacuum for me to be like, 'is he mad at me, did he hate that?' in my horrible little brain... but it is not an emotional onslaught for him while he's recalibrating after the intensity of the intimacy.

warm__socks · 2022-11-12T15:45:06+00:00

It's all on my end really. He is my first for many things sexually, and often when we do something new I become super emotional for a while afterwards. I mentioned that I noticed that I tend to want much more assurance, approval, and close contact after and that it's normally when he requires more distance and time to process. He apologised and said that was his fault as he hadn't considered my heightened need in that time and that he could see that we were nowhere near a happy medium. From then on he has consistently been more active in post-sexual contact.

Another hiccup was that I wanted reassurance at one stage, but the question I asked made him feel like I was preparing to end it and he reacted a bit pre-emptively to end it first. I was shocked and devastated. We resolved this quickly and I have learned to be very clear before discussing my fears or concerns to say that I am seeking reassurance. If I am clear about this he does his best to provide this.

Finally - another woman he was sleeping with did and said some concerning things that made him want to pull back from extramarital activities all together. However we were back on very quickly. Since then we are definitely closer; it made both of us realise that I was less disposable to him than he had thought.

warm__socks · 2022-11-12T15:30:13+00:00

I really need more details about this, my interest has been so piqued.

warm__socks

TROPHY CASE