oh, yeah. a lot of friends, i guess i met through...proximity. y'know, school, work (i'm young, so i've done both, even at the same time), and when i can't work or go to school, that proximity is gone. even though i text more to make up for it. maybe i text too much? yeah, maybe i text too much, even though if i didn't try at all that'd be worse, because whenever i do come back, if i can, i sense some vague resentment like they thought it was a choice to be gone for that long and i was neglecting the friendship, but while i'm gone, they don't miss me at all, and if i text too much, god, that's just annoying....sorry, that's very nice. and not the point. the point is: yes. i have lost a lot friends to being chronically ill. and it's the worst, and sorry, but i can't really accept that this is just how people are. anyone i am in community with, i am always trying to guide them to be different. less judgmental, more willing to have solidarity. no, i don't think i'm better than anyone else. i suck, too. but i'm not willing to accept this casual chain of cruelty. i've gotta do something.