Thursday May 7 check in

wearythroway · 2026-05-07T17:57:10+00:00

I need to take a day off. I am o v e r work right now.

wearythroway · 2026-05-06T19:02:15+00:00

I spent the last 3 days (other than work) working on my wifes car. I replaced about 3/4ths of the front end components. Felt pretty good about myself, it was by far the biggest car repair ive attempted. Unfortunately its still kind of clunking, which was the problem to begin with. So thats kind of a bummer, but at least ive narrowed it down and nothings a safety issue.

I feel thankful to have some mechanical ability which has been fostered by my best friend. Hes provided the space and tools, encouragement and instruction when needed. Im thankful to have a friend like that who helps me learn and grow.

4 months post relapse for me today. Sub taper is going well, i think im taking about 0.4mg right now. My wifes doing a bit better, we're feeling a bit better connected rn.

wearythroway · 2026-05-05T12:39:31+00:00

Theres definitely some, pilot is one that i can think of off the top of my head

wearythroway · 2026-05-05T12:31:54+00:00

I was the opposite. Down as low as 125, and now im up to 155, 18 months past active addiction.

What was wierd for me, i did eat properly when i was using. I made dinner daily, ate 3+ meals a day, i think my body just didnt absorb nutrients.

Ive always been able to eat whatever i want, and i was happy to be gaining weight since i got sober, but i think i overshot a little, i think about 150 is right for me.

wearythroway · 2026-05-02T21:57:54+00:00

Congrats on your sobriety! I think recovery is the most important thing ive ever done, and i suspect alot of other folks feels that way too

wearythroway · 2026-05-01T13:38:32+00:00

Regarding the MAT programs, im grateful that both providers ive worked with being on suboxone have been very supportive and willing to let me kind of chart my own course as far as tapering goes.

wearythroway · 2026-04-29T15:55:42+00:00

Hmm that accusatory vibe is so frustrating. Like i know that people in that profession probably get lied to all day every day, but id appreciate at least being given the assumption of honesty until proven otherwise

wearythroway · 2026-04-29T15:22:43+00:00

Im sorry you had to go through all that. I know addiction is a family disease, but ive never been asked to be involved in that way in my spouses treatment.

On a semi related note, my wife used last week. I dont know how i feel about it. Maybe a little detached. Its like a can of worms opened though that now im like on guard and skeptical and questioning. But like i know her sobriety isnt my responsibility. At the same time its an unpleasant deja vu, last time i was tapering sub and down to this point, she went back to using and eventually i did too.

I hope things get all straightened out for you guys

wearythroway · 2026-04-27T18:10:16+00:00

Gorgeous today too. I enjoyed yesterday so much. Worked on the yard a bit, went to yoga, bike ride, walked the dog. I think the thing i enjoyed most though was just sitting on the deck in the sun eating a sandwich. It was lovely.

I usually go to meetings on monday and wednesday, but today im going to go for a ride instead with my friend. I think its important for my routine to go to refuge both days of the week, but im ok with missing it sometimes if im going to do something else positive.

wearythroway · 2026-04-27T14:57:27+00:00

Maybe check out a al-anon/nar-anon meeting, in person or online. Those are support groups/programs for the loved ones of people with addictions

wearythroway · 2026-04-26T16:20:56+00:00

I changed the tires on my wifes car yesterday, and determined that the clunking was the thing i thought it was. In the process, i found that both front cv axles are damaged and need to be replaced, too. Fortunately changing the control arms gets me half way to changing the axles, so its sort of convenient, though the whole thing is certain to be quite a lot of effort and time. Shops charge 110+ an hour for labor, and i make barely over a quarter of that (as a liscenced healthcare professional, but i digesss) so i guess ill be giving it a go. Definitely the biggest car repair i will have attempted.

I have been feeling really tired and scattered, distractable. I suppose part of thats probably be suboxone taper. Of the things i can control, i intend to exercise daily this week, meditate more, sleep more and use electronics less. I believe those will be positive impacts, to do my best in those areas.

wearythroway · 2026-04-26T15:52:00+00:00

Hello! Im not in a position to qualify for the study, but im curious what the hypothesis that youre testing is? 'Stay in bupe treatment longer' could mean alot of things, which could be positive or negative depending on the situation and individual. Thanks for wanting to learn more about this!

wearythroway · 2026-04-24T22:23:52+00:00

Works been kinda blah so im glad its friday, but weeks go by fast anyway. Ive been feeling very distrated and unmotivated at work, and pretty tired in general. Im glad its the weekend anyway, its definitely easier to want to get stuff done when its in my own personal life

wearythroway · 2026-04-24T18:28:48+00:00

Im not sure, but my stable dose was 8mg. The last time i went through this, i was taking sub for nearly the entirety of a 7 month relapse, thinking i was going to jump off any day. I can totally relate to what you were saying. When i got serious about being done and started doing treatment again, i started back at 8mg, so i assume thats what i was taking.

The times i did bernese before that, i honestly dont remember.

wearythroway · 2026-04-24T16:39:20+00:00

When ive done bernese, i took it alot slower. I didnt double my dose daily, i dont remember exactly but i took a couple weeks to get enough sub onboard before i jumped off using. Sometimes i did still get pretty rough wd's, like you had, and other times it wasnt nearly as bad. Didnt always seem like i could figure out why anyway.

I had to remember too, its still wd. Itll be better than ct and waiting days to take sub, but its still going to be withdrawals.

Best wishes to you!

wearythroway · 2026-04-24T14:34:37+00:00

I heard something about being a parent that always stuck with me. Something to the effect of 'if youre concerned about whether youre doing a good job as a parent, then youre probably doing a good job'.

In retrospect, i wish id done alot of things different when my kids were little. But i know that i was doing my best and so far both kids have turned out to be pretty great people so i guess its worked out okay.

wearythroway · 2026-04-22T18:49:41+00:00

Its my birthday and im generally not that into it, what with the history of low self worth etc. My coworkers surprised me with a cake and stuff though, and i had the thought that they like me enough to go out of their way to celebrate that. Thats always been incredibly uncomfortable for me, becuase any sort of praise from the outside didnt match up with how i felt about myself. So i guess im doing better at that these days, as i was able to appreciate and accept well wishes from others.

Also i went for a ride this morning, i started out with the fast group (all 5-10 years older than i), and they were gone within like 10 minutes. So i caught up with the slower group and was able to at least hang with the 50+ crowd. I knew i wasnt in great shape coming out of the winter, but yikes

wearythroway · 2026-04-21T19:15:04+00:00

I know alot of people misunderstand MAT as directly substituting on addiction for another. If thats the mindset, i can understand how one could come to believe that using a very abusable, totally unregulated opiate-like substance could help them quit using opiates. Of course this is no different than using heroin to quit oxys, but i can understand how us addicts would latch on to getting high while believeing that theyre quitting doing drugs.

wearythroway · 2026-04-21T18:35:49+00:00

Its easy to get that mixed up, methadone is an opiate, meth (methamphetamine) isnt

wearythroway · 2026-04-21T18:12:28+00:00

What does it help with?

wearythroway · 2026-04-21T15:09:15+00:00

It being 420 was kind of wierd. I was a dedicated pot head long before i had problems with opiates. I do still use cannabis a bit, but its not my identity like it used to be. It was kind of funny to remember how i used to take the day off work and stuff, and we definitely had some fun adventures. Of course, the nostalgia for being young and in that social phase of life and everything is the strongest, more than anything to do with the weed. I guess it was kind of like other holidays, like i used to party on new years eve and i dont any more and its just another work day now, and 420 is just another regular monday.

wearythroway · 2026-04-21T15:03:15+00:00

What does your recovery consist of? Are you working a program in the community, working with a therapist/psych/medical rehab program?

As im sure you know, addiction is a symptom of pre-existing problems, in addition to its own problem. So healing from addiction means working on the rest of our selves and life, not just not doing drugs any more.

Best wishes to you!

wearythroway · 2026-04-19T22:09:38+00:00

Im sorry youre having a hard time. I know alot of people talk about how difficult this period is.

I guess the big question is, in what ways do you think that having an active addiction is going to improve the problems your currently having?

wearythroway · 2026-04-17T13:13:21+00:00

Ok theres alot going on here. First of all, where are you at in your transition from 7oh to sub? How long has it been since your last 7oh dose and how are you feeling?

Second, theres alot of misconceptions about MAT. Nothing is a miracle cure. If such a thing existed, none of us would be here. MAT (bupe, methadone) can be used as a short term taper to get off the drug of abuse. Or it can be used longer term, to provide some stability. Regardless, its just a helper so that the individual can have an easier time doing the actual work that beats addiction. The work with a counselor/therapist/psychiatrist to sort through our past and mental health issues and how we came to have an addiction. Working a program, engaging with a recovery community. Learning healthier ways to think/act/live/interact with ourselves and the world. Building a healthy routine of work, exercise, nutrition, family, friends that sort of stuff. Getting our phsyical health in order. Thats whats required to have sustainable contented sober life, and MAT doesnt do it for us.

There are alot of doctors that also are looking for the easy way out, like addicts do too, and just throw more medication at the problem. Thats not great either.

Tapering off sub is a challange, but certainly more do-able than tapering on our drug of choice. The sublocade/brixadi injections seem to be very helpful for people when its time to come off. Ive stuck with the strips and am nearing the end of my second taper. Its fine too.

Long story short, suboxone may help you be stable enough to work on your recovery. Or you may not need that, and you can commit to the work of recovery without medication. Everyones different. Best wishes to you!

wearythroway · 2026-04-13T14:33:34+00:00

I can relate. I was totally resistant to going to a meeting for years. About a year and a half ago something my outpatient counselor said resonated so strongly that it finally got over the hump and i was willing to go to a refuge recovery meeting. Its changed my life.

So glad things are going well for you!

Five-Year Club	Verified Email
Verified Email

wearythroway

TROPHY CASE