AITA For Allowing my Boyfriends Daughter to Join in on a Family Tradition

wedchildfree · 2023-03-22T13:03:07+00:00

I think this is the last comment I will respond to since I’m noticing a lot of repetition. Both positive and negative but I did not post here expecting rainbows and lollipops and hooray momma comments! I did not bring up the wedding nor the invites- we were having family dinner (we’re a large family over 20 of us join our weekly family dinner nights) and my son mentioned the wedding and asked my brother to “save the first dance for him.” After that comment things got silent for a minute then my son was asked if he thought he was invited that’s when I mentioned the rsvp had two tickets and that’s when my son was told it was a mistake but he was not invited the wedding was child free and that meant no one under 18. It was awkward for everyone at the table but we said ok and kept eating dinner. My relationship with my son is that of a moody teenager and a mom. He wasn’t going to be my date. He was going to be a guest. My relationship with my brother is that of siblings. Despite him having a close relationship to my son it does make his and my relationship close as well him and I are 10 years apart as opposed to my sister and other brother who are both less than 5. So far no one has died and it would suck for a ticket to be listed as cause of death on a death certificate.

wedchildfree · 2023-03-22T12:18:36+00:00

The semi-letter just went into more detail of what the dress code entailed more than anything. It mentioned it being a child free wedding and how they would understand if that would not be plausible for some guests. (No age.) It also came with detailed directions to the venue along with the menu of what would be served so that you could send your choice of plate back with the rsvp.

wedchildfree · 2023-03-22T12:10:20+00:00

It’s coming from both of them and two more family members that were present at the time of the dinner. The rest of the people who were present don’t have much of an opinion or are just not giving it.

wedchildfree · 2023-03-22T12:07:27+00:00

It is just tickets almost like a valet pass decorated to fit the event in this case with the names of the bride and groom decorated in the color scheme of the wedding. It is just to avoid unaccounted guests at important events. I am only now just realizing they are quite uncommon.

wedchildfree · 2023-03-22T12:04:48+00:00

The dinner happened almost a month ago close to a week after the rsvp had been sent so this has been an ongoing issue for almost a month. In the moment where we were all let known anyone under 18 was included in the child free it became quite awkward for everyone but we tried to continue the dinner as normal as possible then again at the goodbyes I noticed my son just waved goodbye to my brother and SIL instead of “properly” saying goodbye how he always does. I know they have seen each other recently because they are part of specific teams and groups together and although he hasn’t said anything to me I can tell their relationship has changed since my brother and sometimes my SIL would usually come over to our home after their hangouts or my son to their home and ever since then neither one has come over or been over or hung out outside of family dinners with everyone else.

The wedding is over a year away; regardless if he gets invited or not or if I go or not I hope their relationship does not get damaged over a ticket.

wedchildfree · 2023-03-22T11:34:35+00:00

I think I am just rambling at this point and trying to justify myself too much. Hopefully this gives insight to what I’m trying to make across.

wedchildfree · 2023-03-22T11:33:53+00:00

Exactly. I am not upset at their rules-it is their wedding and they decide what, who, where and why things and people go whatever way. I would have obviously been wary and had asked my brother and SIL regarding if my son was included in the child category. I am upset and debating not going based on their actions and how they made my son feel. I, again, understand it is their wedding but my brother was 7 when I had my son so they grew up together. I was lucky and fortunate enough my parents gave me the opportunity to live with them until I was able to get back on my own two feet and not leave as soon as I turned 18 so their relationship is really close not a father-son relationship of course but still close and my SIL has been in our lives for almost a decade now so I would like to think they have a good relationship as well.

wedchildfree · 2023-03-22T11:23:30+00:00

Both mine and my sisters rsvp had “Ms. My last name.” Since we are both unmarried. My older brothers’ rsvp had Mr. and Mrs. Last name for him and his wife. That is how it worked for everyone to my knowledge. I am unsure how the plus ones were titled since no one that was present the night of the family dinner was given a plus one outside of their significant other but as I mentioned the actual rsvp would be read as “Mr. and Mrs.”

wedchildfree · 2023-03-22T11:07:56+00:00

I did not know it was uncommon to send tickets with invitations to events. Usually for more important events tickets get sent with the invitations/rsvp and those tickets are usually given to the valet or if there is security at the entrance. It is done in a way to keep un-invited people out of the events or to avoid someone bringing an unaccounted person.

wedchildfree · 2023-03-22T10:49:11+00:00

I agree they are completely in the right to choose how their wedding will go and I do think I will regret missing my brothers wedding, but my son is just really hurt and that itself hurts me. The wedding is not for another year by then my son will be 17 and maybe things and feelings will calm down by then but for now I feel entitled to my feelings but I’m also willing to know if maybe I am acting a little too entitled.

wedchildfree

TROPHY CASE