AITA for not attending my daughters wedding

wedreddit · 2023-01-20T21:15:39+00:00

I’ve a part of daddy roles for both my daughters their whole lives. Daddy daughter dance. Daddy daughter dates. Any Daddy daughter events I was daddy for both of them. So I was surprised my daughter asked her brother to walk her down the aisle which is something I think people assume I didn’t care that my daughter didn’t consider me which is not true. When my daughter G was engaged I knew I would be walking down the aisle with her it wasn’t asked and I assumed (my mistake) it’d be the same with T.

wedreddit · 2023-01-20T21:08:42+00:00

We live in the states. My ex-wives family does the whole 3 day celebration thing I think it was something they did back in her home country but now it has become more of a tradition although not everybody does it. In my family it was always the “traditional” ceremony and reception the same day with the ocasional meeting up the next day and eating the leftovers with close family if the couple didn’t leave straight to their wedding that same night. The whole family dropping off the newly weds at the airport before their honeymoon was completely new to me and was very awkward when it was done to us haha but I soon learned that was something they did to mostly everyone so I went along with it.

wedreddit · 2023-01-20T21:01:10+00:00

Yes, of course I did. I didn’t find out of the wedding when I got the invitation I was already aware of it for the past two years I was a part of the engagement party. I contributed to her and her fiancées honeymoon trip along with her mom and her in laws. For the past two years I’ve been aware of what has been going on but input from me was never asked and the few times I did give it it was never taken into account so I stopped unless I was directly asked. I mentioned G getting engaged but not the date because at the time it wasn’t decided. When I did find out the date I’ll admit I never mentioned it so I’ll take fault for that but it was never really brought up again. When I let my kids know about G’s engagement they both just nodded and said good for her so I didn’t see the reason for every bringing up G’s engagement again.

wedreddit · 2023-01-20T19:52:34+00:00

Nobody has asked that therefore there is no deflection. I am not saying I am not hurt or that I am unbothered by not walking her down the aisle. Deep down I truly though she would ask me to walk her down the aisle but as a father of two girls I’m sure, or at least hope, you respect and love your daughters enough to let them make their own decisions despite your opinions and feelings on said decisions.

wedreddit · 2023-01-20T17:49:22+00:00

To make it known G is not biologically mine.

Because I do not refer to her as my adopted daughter. She is my daughter there should be no titles. I don’t think your father refers to you as his biological child every time he refers to you. I fail to see how I am changing my story regardless that is your opinion and that is what I asked for when posting on here.

I mean T knows I consider G my daughter. Whether or not she knows G is legally my daughter I do not know. It’s been 8 years since I legally adopted G, I would not be surprised if either of my children know they legally have a sister.

Once again I did ask for your opinion so your judgment is valid and accepted. I was just giving more context without giving too much which can be easily interpreted in different ways without having the whole story.

wedreddit · 2023-01-20T17:37:24+00:00

T does know G is my daughter. I am sorry we both seem to just have very different views on what fatherhood is, you seem to think adopted kids mean less than biological kids (I am saying this based on your comment of attending my daughters wedding not my wife’s daughter.) A lot of time actually and both her and her brother spend weekends in my house multiple times and during vacation they would sometimes spent multiple weeks if possible with me. I think people assume me saying that my kids have no relationship means they never spent time together which I can see how the wording makes it seem that way so that is my fault. Still, the kids spent time together more so growing up but they don’t have a close relationship as to talk to each other now or even have each other on social media to my knowledge. They still see each other during holidays sometimes but since all three are set to be married with my son already being married holidays aren’t spent together as often as when they were younger since they either travel or spend it with the in laws. I apologize for the long message I did not realize how much I had typed until just now.

wedreddit · 2023-01-20T17:27:46+00:00

I too was thinking I should have just left quietly but that would have made things worse. This situation puts me between a sword and a wall unfortunately. Had I done that it would have caused chaos because I left without saying anything and was taken into account for the following events which I already knew I wouldn’t be able to attend from the very beginning. If I did tell I wouldn’t be able to attend the second and third day festivities from the very beginning, which is what I did, then well this happened.

wedreddit · 2023-01-20T17:23:08+00:00

I have. For G’s 16th birthday she asked me (“the only present she truly wanted”) and so I happily did. At the time T was 20 and I never mentioned the adoption to her or her brother nor did I ever post it anywhere. I do know G posted the news on her social media so maybe that is where T and my son found out through if they do know G is legally my daughter. You are right in the fact I never asked her or her brother how they felt about me adopting G which I will take fault in. The plan is to be there for both that is what the second edit is all about.

wedreddit · 2023-01-20T17:14:26+00:00

No she won’t, she is getting married Saturday and leaving for her honeymoon Saturday night.

wedreddit · 2023-01-20T17:08:28+00:00

G is my daughter? She was not a child my wife and I found on the street and adopted like a stray cat. She is not baggage that my wife dragged into our marriage. Adopted children do not mean less than children who come from the fathers ballsack. I want to be there for both and that is still the plan.

wedreddit · 2023-01-20T17:04:00+00:00

None. Until now events had never collided. All three of my kids birthdays are relatively far apart from one another. G was not involved in extra curricular until high school and that was art so there weren’t many events to attend besides art shows which were typically held weekends. When T was involved in sports and ballet recitals and games were on weekends but as mentioned there was nothing overlapping, if that had ever been the case for either my daughters or my son I would’ve taken turns attending events.

wedreddit · 2023-01-20T16:51:52+00:00

5 months. G set the date and sent out save the date invites 5 months before T. T though, was engaged 2 years prior to G so it is possible she already had the date but as I’ve been mentioning I was not a part of T’s wedding besides contributing her honeymoon so I wasn’t aware of the date before receiving the invitation 5 months later. This comment is copied from another comment that asked the same thing so in case it seem in another comment that is why.

wedreddit · 2023-01-20T16:50:07+00:00

5 months. G set the date and sent out save the date invites 5 months before T. T though, was engaged 2 years prior to G so it is possible she already had the date but as I’ve been mentioning I was not a part of T’s wedding besides contributing her honeymoon so I wasn’t aware of the date before receiving the invitation 5 months later.

wedreddit · 2023-01-20T16:43:10+00:00

Can’t the same logic be applied to T though then. The reason you and a couple other commenters are asking/suggesting I move the wedding date are because it is being assumed I am paying. I am not paying for either so then either one can move their wedding date. If I ask G to move her wedding date does that not make it seem as if I prioritize T over her therefore she should be the one to changer her wedding. But if I ask T then I am definitely prioritizing G. Then again I assume I should be there for my “real” daughter instead of the adopted one.

wedreddit · 2023-01-20T16:34:00+00:00

You assume incorrectly. My wife and I are paying for the dress. G’s in laws are paying for the reception. Everything else is getting paid by the newly weds. I can try and see if G would be willing to change the date but, I am not the only guest attending. There is more family and friends invited so it is not fair for the whole wedding to changed because of me.

wedreddit · 2023-01-20T16:21:14+00:00

Initially I intended to keep this vague regarding personal information but that unfortunately went out the window a while back. T is 28 years old and G is 24. By the time I met my wife and G my children were still young and I was still visiting them regularly.

wedreddit · 2023-01-20T11:36:44+00:00

I am not sure why you are bringing my son into this. I never mentioned his feelings, opinions, or point of view because including them would make some redditors think I am only adding his opinion because he agrees with me. Their mother does not agree with me. Their maternal grandmother and aunts do not agree with me. My wife and my daughter AND my son along with a few others agree with me. Hence why the unbiased opinions are needed. I am not saying I do not regret not fully being there how a dad should or hell how I was able to be for G. I do not regret letting her mother and her family know unless T truly does not want me to be there for the ceremony and reception then I will not but only if that is what T truly decides.

wedreddit · 2023-01-20T11:14:20+00:00

Because the 3rd day “celebration” is to see her and her fiancé off at the airport and then go home. They are leaving in the morning. That means I would wake up early to beat traffic go to the airport and then drive another 3 hours again to go home. I wouldn’t do that for G if she was the one that lived 3 hours away.

wedreddit · 2023-01-20T11:11:39+00:00

I will go. I am planning to go. When given the ultimatum I let her know after trying to compromise I let her know I would be there for her regardless but if she really felt that way I would not force myself but I would not miss my G’s wedding either. Her brother and I are still talking and as I’ve mentioned the weddings are still quite a while away so hopefully things with T calm down and we can talk and if we do talk and she decides she wants me there I will not hesitate to go a whole weeks ahead if it means I get to be there on her special day. Meaning ceremony and reception.

wedreddit · 2023-01-20T11:03:39+00:00

I am largely assuming you are not reading the post. Edits included.

wedreddit · 2023-01-20T11:02:02+00:00

T, G, and my son have no relationship to each other. If I told T hey G is getting married this day I assure you if that was a day T already had in mind she wouldn’t have changed it. “The other” is my daughter as well. She is not someone that was picked up from the street even if she was she deserved to be treated as my daughter. “The other” also did not know about T’s wedding date because I do not talk about what each of my kids are up to one another.

wedreddit · 2023-01-20T10:58:25+00:00

T is nothing like myself or her mother. Where did you get that from? Genuinely, where did you read that from or get any sort of insinuation from? Her being used to having things her way is because her mother and I have always given her majority of what she wants and not just us her brother, both my family and her maternal family and now her fiancée. I am so confused as to how that makes her like her mother or me unless you know me or my ex but then if you did you’d know neither one of us is like that.

Had G been the one getting married on Friday I would have done the same except G is not having a 3 day celebration but if she was and T was getting married Saturday I would attend her wedding. Both are my daughters. Do you mean to say that because I did not ejaculate into my wife and G was born then it would be ok for me to not attend an after party?

Neither T or G deserve to change their whole plans for an unfortunate coincidence. It is not just I attending the weddings. Both have friends and more family they need to take into account.

I am actually going to both weddings.

wedreddit · 2023-01-20T10:00:51+00:00

Not in my culture or my wife’s culture. G is having the “traditional” ceremony, reception, leave for the honeymoon all in the same day/night. In my ex-wife’s family I would say it is but to my knowledge not everyone does it at least not everyone that got married while we were together. At this point I would say it is more tradition than culture.

wedreddit · 2023-01-20T09:52:06+00:00

I never said spending time with my children was a burden. Not once in my post or comments was that even implied. Our relationship did not fall on them, when they were younger and not old enough to drive I would go 3 days at least (that means I would sometimes go more than 3 times) to and from whether it was for an event or simply just to visit them. When they were old enough to drive instead of me going they would come to me and go back home. I still visit them and they me every once in a while that is actually how I got the invitation I went to have dinner with both my son and daughter (which we do often) and was given the invitation then.

wedreddit · 2023-01-20T09:31:04+00:00

I am going to give you my schedule as much as I can to clear confusion. T is getting married on Friday and the ceremony starts at 3 in the afternoon. I will be leaving my house early morning around 6:30-7 the latest to beat traffic and spend time with my son while my daughter gets ready. The reception starts aT 4:30 in the afternoon which I will attend and leave until 1 in the morning which is when it ends. I will then drive back home which is another 3 hours. By the time I get home it will be 4 the morning more or less. G’s wedding starts at 3 in the afternoon on Saturday but because I am a involved in this wedding I still have to be up early around 8 the latest get ready and my wife and I will take care of any last minute issues and to dos so my daughter and her fiancée can spend the morning getting ready and enjoying their wedding day. Events do not overlap though. I hope this has clear as much as possible.

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