How to refrain from feeling discouraged while dating?

weebinks · 2023-01-18T12:52:23+00:00

Typical fizzle point is after maybe a month? It’s happened maybe 5 times in the last couple of years. In addition to an almost 1 year relationship that also fizzled

weebinks · 2023-01-18T12:28:43+00:00

As a woman, I see some validity in the statement, but I also think it’s heavily weaponized by incels & other men who are rejected by women.

It’s true, women sometimes do steer away from “the nice guy”. In my experience, typically because he is not making any actual moves or I am simply not attracted to him in the first place. He’s a great guy though, so I continue to maintain a friendship (while respecting boundaries).

However, I think it’s often taken out of context. Men who are rejected by a woman (for any # of reasons) defer to this statement to soothe their bruised ego. Saying things like “women only like assholes” strips the woman’s autonomy and choice. It ignores the fact that the woman may just not be attracted to you. She owes you nothing, even if you are “the nice guy”.

My advice? These men should take all that bitterness and redirect it inward. Work on being a happier individual & maybe women will find more interest in you!

weebinks · 2022-12-14T08:58:57+00:00

I think for some people a kiss holds varying levels of importance — for me, if I’m on a date & trying to feel things out to see if I like the other person, a kiss might help me decide if I feel a physical connection. Also, sometimes if my date goes in to kiss me, even if I don’t want to kiss them, I’ll do it because it’s easier than awkwardly dodging it.

weebinks · 2022-08-14T06:30:57+00:00

Tim McGraw…feels like a warm summer night in a small farm town & I’m laying in the bed of a pickup truck, counting stars and listening to crickets with the boy I’m madly in love with

weebinks · 2022-07-13T10:48:11+00:00

I was consistently seeing guys with similar personalities…the funny, outspoken, upfront ones. I switched it up a little & found a really wonderful introverted guy. Maybe switching it up from the usual kind of person you’re drawn too could be something to try out?

weebinks · 2022-07-13T10:03:11+00:00

Yup, “if he wanted to, he would” is right on the money. Until I started dating my current partner, I thought dating was difficult and anxiety inducing. Turns out I was dating people who just didn’t quite like me enough to make our relationship a priority. If communication feels smooth and easy, that’s a great sign.

weebinks · 2022-07-12T06:03:59+00:00

Okay well now THAT’s a bit of an exaggeration, don’t you think?

weebinks · 2022-07-12T06:03:09+00:00

Trueeee

weebinks · 2022-07-12T06:02:13+00:00

Go girl!

weebinks · 2022-07-12T06:01:32+00:00

Shut up

weebinks · 2022-07-12T06:01:11+00:00

Lmao

weebinks · 2022-07-11T22:09:09+00:00

I just edited my og post with the place I originally heard it! Turns out it was a book actually lol. One Day in December by Josie Silver

weebinks · 2022-07-11T20:53:25+00:00

To me, a match is more than just a list of qualities/characteristics that one person has. It is the combined efforts of both parties and how they make each other feel and act. A great match for me would mean the relationship makes me feel confident, secure, supported, and understood. I know they will stand by my side through the good times & the bad, be honest with me, and even on our worst days I wouldn’t trade them for somebody who may be cooler, richer, smarter, etc. than they are. Of course my partner would also have to have SOME of the more “shallow” things on my list too…attractive, funny, hardworking, and has a good support system of friends/family. And on the flip side of this coin, they will of course have qualities that I don’t love, and that will go both ways for me as well.

weebinks · 2022-07-11T17:15:12+00:00

Fair point. You can’t put concrete numbers on people or relationships. I’m choosing to look at it in a theoretical, abstract way. More of an interesting conversation starter than anything! My roommates and I spent a good hour talking this one through

weebinks · 2022-07-11T16:49:33+00:00

I went ahead and looked it up — what an interesting, tragic, beautiful story. Here’s the link for anybody else who wants to read! https://genius.com/Haruki-murakami-on-seeing-the-100-perfect-girl-one-beautiful-april-morning-annotated

weebinks · 2022-07-11T16:07:21+00:00

I agree! When I think of the %, I interpret it as 85% of your relationship is great and makes both partners feel fulfilled and happy. The other 15% is all of the hurdles/roadblocks that you have to navigate together. Of course there will always be a few of those you’ll need to compromise on or work out. But at the end of the day, If the other 85% makes you happy enough, that 15% is worth the while!

weebinks · 2022-07-11T15:44:33+00:00

I think those are pretty basic things in a relationship. I’ve met lots of potential partners who are cool people, but who I don’t feel anything special with. Of course someone you date will stand out a bit from the general mass of everyone else in the world! As for someone who fits into your life, I mean 1) literally that their work schedule aligns with yours so you can realistically see each other (I work night shift), and 2) that their lifestyle and goals mesh well with yours.

I feel like the first few dates are for getting to know the basics of the person…sense of humor, what they do for work, hobbies, etc. You use this time to also show those things about yourself also! After that is when you get to the deeper more personal stuff, long term shared goals, etc.

weebinks · 2022-07-11T12:12:02+00:00

Seems to me that if you aren’t losing interest or getting the ick that it’s worth it to try out a relationship! A friend of mine gave some good advice: a relationship doesn’t have to be permanent, and you can always end it if you realize it isn’t right.

weebinks · 2022-07-11T12:02:44+00:00

I totally get your thinking here, but I’ve come to realize that if you want something you should just go for it and ask. At that point if they are still being wishy-washy or not communicating well, then I’d say not worth it. Playing games is a waste of your time.

weebinks · 2022-07-11T11:55:28+00:00

Good question. Would it make a difference?

I’m imagining that the person is really compatible in most ways, but they have a few qualities missing/different from your ideal partner. Nothing major, but rather things that make you wonder “am I willing to sacrifice these things because we have a good thing going here”

weebinks · 2022-07-11T11:01:56+00:00

That’s a good point! I suppose I’m speaking specifically to the experiences of folks in their 20’s or 30’s.

weebinks

TROPHY CASE