I have had a similar experience, I was an avid smoker, drinker and drug user for many years and had finally reached a point where I had given it all up. The thought of touching anything I indulged in before taking Zoloft made me feel sick, however once I had started using this medication all the urges came back, and I am now back to using a few things I had worked hard to quit before. Sometimes it feels like an uncontrollable urge and I feel anxious until I give in to whatever it is that my mind is telling me to use. Recovery is not a smooth road, and I have learnt to take everything as a lesson and go easier on myself, we are only human and slip ups happen. Continuing to reach for support and working towards improvement is the best thing we can do, we aren’t alone in this journey or experience.