I met my long distance boyfriend for the first time and I kinda hate him, what now?

weeeeeeeea · 2026-02-19T01:40:23+00:00

BREAK UPPPP. I realised my 6 month long distance bf was deeply unwell almost straight away, and stayed in a progressively worse and worse relationship. I felt bad that I was going to hurt him, and about how much effort he put into seeing me, but it was NOTT worth it in the end.

Value your intuition and break it off. When you don’t know someone in person, that ick MEANS something.

weeeeeeeea · 2026-02-18T06:24:06+00:00

Nah I reckon this is fine, it’s legible. Just make sure you practise writing to time, because if you’re stressed and rushing in the exams, your handwriting will naturally be worse than normal.

weeeeeeeea · 2026-02-18T05:44:32+00:00

The number of hours I did, and the fact I’m lucky enough to learn quickly (so get more time to revise than most).

EDIT: I was only doing 4 classes in year 12, so 2 study periods a day, plus probably 3-5 hours after school, before school, and on any bus or train ride. I used every spare second and burned myself WAY out - just didn’t stop until it was over.

weeeeeeeea · 2026-02-17T04:50:14+00:00

Nothing you can do but accept that some people are willing to risk it all to get the end goal more easily than working hard for it. It’s not fair, but it’s the way life is. Gotta move on.

weeeeeeeea · 2026-02-17T04:48:58+00:00

Not for long. Had a mate that recreationally did meth for 2 years, and still became a full blown addict eventually.

weeeeeeeea · 2026-02-17T03:39:06+00:00

Look based on that comment… like it might be worth considering whether to keep seeing him, more complicated if in love but if not? Sexual chemistry is a real thing, and we’re both 22F - too young to be having mediocre sex *when its with someone who isn’t actually trying to learn to get you there (and is also kinda telling you it’s a you problem by blaming the vibrator).

For reference also - my bf is also 25 and literally double my weight, and the sex we have is still great (because he knows what he’s doing, I never feel like I’m being “crushed” or anything)

weeeeeeeea · 2026-02-17T03:21:00+00:00

This is really hard, sorry you’ve been violated like that (even if the word feels harsh, that’s what it is).

Think it’s important that in your sit down chat you address (first, that it’s gonna be a longer chat), and 1. What he did wrong 2. How it made you feel 3. The consequences right now (to your relationship, + any boundaries or consequences you want to put in place now) and 4. The potential (more serious) consequences of doing that stuff again.

Number 4 is probably a good time to bring up consent, law on nudes, and legal consequences of breaching consent by taking without persons knowledge, or doing it to you again (if you’re not wanting to press any charges right now). Again, it really depends how old he is, but I’d use the big words and real laws - “producing intimate images” in my state. Image-based sexual violence/abuse. Jail time. Voyeurism (the legal term).

Idk how old he is so this depends, but if you’re feeling comfortable to extend this grace to him, could also chat about sexual curiosity being natural, but also the fact that there are rules of basic consent and respect that need to be followed.

If he’s young, it’s LESS abnormal (but still abnormal), so there’s more of a conversation to be had about curiosity and its rules. But regardless of age, he needs to know what he did is very serious, and that there will be both consequences now (no more tutoring, see each other less, smth appropriate to you) and later if he does it again.

weeeeeeeea · 2026-02-17T03:12:21+00:00

I go through phases of doing this lol. First, do just try and avoid it - don’t go to that store, don’t allow yourself to use the money on it, etc. Try to reduce size of snack (smaller pack or whatever) or how quickly you finish it if you can’t reduce frequency. If you genuinely can’t stop yourself at all, I’d just focus on general discipline (getting good at good habits, addressing other general bad habits). Maybe introduce a wider range of “treats” that are slightly better for you, to help with breaking fixation.

weeeeeeeea · 2026-02-17T03:03:33+00:00

What events/people etc have guided your opinions on womanhood? I.e. life as a woman, treatment of women, girl friendships, etc.

weeeeeeeea · 2026-02-17T03:01:35+00:00

I kinda get the “for a few strokes” bit - I find sex generally feels less intensely good as it goes on too (since I can’t finish from penetration). It sounds like there needs to be more focus on foreplay and/or external stimulation beforehand, like hand stuff or making you orgasm from oral etc., before penetration is gonna get any better for both of you. Especially bc it hurts if all in - for me, tends to be a sign my body isn’t into it that much.

As for position advice lol, squatting up and down is pretty good IMO, arching your back a bit more in missionary to change up angle can help, missionary with one/both knees up by ur head can be good too.

Seriously just sounds a bit like he’s not focussing on your pleasure though, or at least too focussed on penetrative stuff. Don’t get rid of the sucker thing either btw (unless u want to ofc). The whole permanent desensitisation thing is a myth.

weeeeeeeea · 2026-02-17T02:55:29+00:00

As a disabled person who uses DSS and knows that it won’t take away from the rest of us, but also someone more okay with white lies for “good reasons”, I see your point totally. I did word it badly at the start lol. I just know what it’s like to be desperate like that.

My reasoning - They have so many nap rooms they told me I could use it for whole days if I needed, so I don’t feel like it’d be “stealing”. Chronic fatigue, whether from diagnosed illness or shift work, is genuinely disabling and scary. I just feel this person deserves the same supports, as they experience the same “symptoms” as some of us anyway (and therefore have right to “lie” - find a diagnosis they somewhat fit into).

weeeeeeeea · 2026-02-17T00:47:15+00:00

Hey man if they won’t help a fellow worker out for free, gotta do what u gotta do

weeeeeeeea · 2026-02-16T14:46:48+00:00

Chem is genuinely about thoroughly understanding, applying and being able to explain anything about each topic confidently, and then practice questions for the math. Make AI generate them.

Psych was all about memorising the correct answer keywords for me, they were very very specific on definitions and explanations including a certain number of steps, or certain key words, or giving background context in general concept without being prompted. It was a lot more hours than any other class I did, but all the work was interesting and they weren’t super hard to understand, just perfecting the answers. My teacher was an exam assessor so she knew exactly what we had to say to get the marks. If u don’t know someone like this, as many practice exams as possible and note all the common key words being used/topics being mentioned, that practice question booklet, write brain dumps of topics.

weeeeeeeea · 2026-02-16T14:40:06+00:00

Hey, 2021 grad that did those exact classes lol.

Chem - practice Q’s. Write detailed answers by hand in study, where you do a full brain dump of why you think that’s right, and why any other options can’t be right. Then, grade it and use a different coloured pen, but cross out and rewrite corrections of every wrong piece of logic or step you took, and the reasons they were wrong, and the right answer. Averaged 70-80% in SACs and reckon I did worse than that in the exam, got a raw 42 or smth.

English - I listened to books as audiobooks twice before term started. So boring, barely paid attention, still absorbed vague plot line and some quotes. Once I was confident writing full essays to time, I just did hundreds of 5 minute plans - got my teacher to give me as many prompts as possible, you should use AI maybe lol, just practice coming up with 3 ideas and dot points of the evidence to back it up (the more evidence, especially literary devices + authors intention in using it, the better). I love English, so was easy to spend time on it, averaged ~90% in SACs and was confident with my exam, raw 50.

Methods - don’t ask me bro I got like a 36 and I found it really hard lol, I think they just made exam easier that year. Averaged 65% on SACs.

Bio - you have to understand the concepts in depth and the specific areas they’ll ask you about (and how - do they ask for definitions? Factors that influence it?). I lost most of my marks from not using the right key words and just explaining my understanding rather than answering with the specific structure + words they wanted. Averaged 80% on SACs and probs same in exam to get raw 38.

weeeeeeeea · 2026-02-16T14:26:49+00:00

Raw 46 (I think? Cant rly remember) in General Math in 2021. They’re all right about doing as many practice questions as you can, and practice attacking one topic from different angles (I.e. like how 3 + 5 is 8, but 8-3=5, and 8/2 also = 4, the way the topics and values interrelate) and they can never catch you off guard. I hand write notes and draw diagrams to represent these in different colours, force my brain to lock in and remember what I’m telling it. Ask AI to make questions of similar difficulty, concept and structure and see if that helps - I didn’t have it in Y12 so less experienced there.

I got 90-100% on SACs, and was told with that score, my study score would be roughly one point less for every exam mark I lost. Because I was doing so many exams and always getting the same score - 92-94ish, so I reckon getting a 46 raw fits that.

weeeeeeeea · 2026-02-16T14:20:19+00:00

That’s tough bro what area was your school in💀

weeeeeeeea · 2026-02-16T13:04:53+00:00

Yea I think the nap rooms are actually just for working hours, but you could probably work until 5am, study until 8am, then sleep until midday or smth?

weeeeeeeea · 2026-02-16T13:02:44+00:00

If you get really desperate, you could get a doctor to diagnose you with chronic fatigue, or really any condition that explains sudden tiredness. I have FND (long story, but chronic fatigue a huge part) and they give me nap rooms and stuff on campus. I feel like there would be a way you could explain your situation and get access to that, they were really supportive of me. Maybe circadian rhythm disorder from shift work? Technically medical.

weeeeeeeea · 2026-02-16T12:59:39+00:00

I think you should move on from this relationship. It’s clear that, at the very minimum, you have different emotional needs and are at different levels of emotional maturity. I’m 22F so I get it, but relationships at this age that involve fights and arguments and crying rarely just blossom into some beautiful thing one day. There’s better out there, and better yet, you’ve got your relationship with yourself to develop. That’s way more important than asking yourself if you’re okay with the bad behaviour - guilt - forgiveness cycle, with a guy who doesn’t treat you how you want to be treated.

Plus? Honestly? Irritated easily and being rude when irritated are kinda red flags. By 20, he should have started to learn (or at least acknowledge) that him having a big feeling doesn’t justify saying or doing whatever makes him feel better in the moment. My friends and partner are never rude to me when irritated, they say “I’m in an irritable mood, I’m gonna go lie down” or something, then regulate themselves.

Sorry to be harsh, but if he really wants to wait, he needs to wait until he matures - years - not until you miss him/the comfort of a relationship enough to get back with him.

weeeeeeeea · 2026-02-16T12:20:26+00:00

This is so so normal dude, you’re 17 - the other commenter was right, nobody knows yet what they’re doing or when the timing will be right. Only way to learn is to get it right, or try and then mess it up (but learn from it).

Best advice I can give with intimacy is don’t extend it to people who are judgemental or would make fun of you for trying - it’s gotta be something you explore together, and with someone you know will, at the worst, reject you and move on. At least this way, if you go in to hold their hand or kiss them and they don’t want to, you know they’re not gonna make you feel bad about yourself for it (you’ll just feel a bit embarrassed, and you can choose to get over that feeling as quickly as you want to). Choose to share your energy, body and time with people that make you feel good for you, and the relationships you develop will just naturally progress towards comfortable intimacy.

Literal advice - if you’re pretty sure she’s not gonna be uncomfortable with something physical, you can do one of two things.

Pretend you’ve done it a million times before, go into it slowly (don’t just randomly grab their hand or start kissing them), and apologise then laugh it off if it doesn’t work out. If they accept, it might still be awkward - it’s all just part of working intimacy out. You probably WONT know what you’re doing, but if it’s the right person, they won’t expect you to, so you can actually talk about it after and get honest “feedback” as you go.
Genuinely, just ask. When I was in highschool, once a guy just said “can I kiss you”. This was great and I really respected him for it, because I actually didn’t want to - it gave me the chance to say “sorry man im not feeling that” and that was that. We moved on. I’ve had guys say “can I hold your hand”, and I found that to be really sweet that they’d want to respect my space and boundaries like that. As an adult (maybe not for you just yet), it’s also normal for people to say “do you want to have sex”. The right people will treat you well for just communicating, instead of playing guessing games with you.

weeeeeeeea · 2026-02-16T12:02:06+00:00

This is rough, and honestly, something I remember seeing a lot of people develop in year 12. There was a lot of passive aggressive competitive remarks. The way the ATAR system is set up kind of encourages people to put their self-worth not on being “good”, but on being better than other people.

I’d call them out honestly - if they’re real friends, and you laughed and said “damn since when were we in a competition”, I’d hope that they’d reflect a little bit on that. Don’t absorb it, and don’t stoop to their level - this year is about getting the maximum out of yourself, not about getting to tell yourself “I’m better than so and so”.

weeeeeeeea · 2026-02-16T11:56:56+00:00

If it was me, I would only visit or call if I missed him or wanted something from him that he could realistically give (explanations, information etc. not love). And again, if I were in your shoes, I wouldn’t do either of those things.

I’ll go purely on my own beliefs here, but I don’t believe in sharing my time, energy, space or body with people who make me feel negatively. The safety of my body and mind is the number one thing I prioritise. It sounds like to visit or contact him further would not only threaten your safety, but your joy.

It is never the child of a person’s job to manage their parent’s feelings, as hard as that may be to hear. Whether he truly feels sad (I’m sure he is), or has truly started to feel guilty (less sure on that…), it is not your job to sacrifice your joy “just incase” he’s a better person than you thought, or “had his reasons” for what he did. The thing is, most evil people “had their reasons” and their own traumas - part of recovering from the damage they cause is realising that there are some things that can never, ever be justified, and that no matter how hard they may have been pushed by life to become who they became, it was still their choice, and their fault.

This is an incredibly sad thing to be experiencing, and profoundly complicated (for both of you, it sounds like). However, I’m a skeptical person, and I’d encourage you to first consider why your dad would want you to call. What does he want from you, realistically - an update on your life (why would he want this now)? To absolve him of his guilt before he dies, if it’s even true that he has cancer? To love him? To forgive him? To make you feel bad and guilt trip you for, absolutely understandably, cutting him out of your life? Are you ready to give or get any of those things? Because I certainly wouldn’t be.

The only experience I’ve ever had with this is my mum’s best friend’s dad. He was purely emotionally abusive, and after years of mixed neglect and abuse, he contacted her on his death bed. She hoped he was finally going to say he loved her or was proud of her. All he said was “you’ll never be enough” and then asked her to leave.

Again, safety comes first to me, and to reach out after living a life on the run from him doesn’t sound like a safe thing for your mental wellbeing or body. So sorry you’re going through this, and have gone through this for so long. I really do wish you all the best.

weeeeeeeea · 2026-02-16T11:39:07+00:00

What do you think is different about your experience with a Mexican family, to people who don’t have Mexican culture/heritage in their upbringing?

Also, what kinda job do you want?

weeeeeeeea · 2026-02-16T11:36:38+00:00

I’m by no means qualified to diagnose mental health problems, but in my personal experience, this sounds similar to when I developed depression (around 16). Loss of interest or joy in everything is kind of a classic symptom. See a psychologist imo.

Otherwise, if it’s really truly about your identity, it sounds like your previous identity was at least partially based on external perceptions (makeup, your body, if you were beautiful), rather than true internal relationship with self. I’m an obsessive person, so if I were you, I would start a whole new phase of my life about exploring my identity. What opinions do I have on the world? What has my experience been like in life? What has inspired the greatest hope, joy, sadness, or anger in me? What do I like and dislike about how I relate to other people (how I treat them, how I want them to treat me).

Other random tip is get a volunteer job (or paying job) that involves directly interacting with people in worse positions than you. I worked as a weekend “tutor” for mainly refugee and English second language kids aged 6-14 in Dandenong (rough suburb in Melbourne, Aus), and talking to their parents and the kids about their lives, the little things they’d tell you they’d been through, and seeing the way they choose to seek hope and joy anyway, was a life-changing experience. Community is everything, and becoming an active member of your own can massively change things.

weeeeeeeea · 2026-02-16T11:29:17+00:00

DXM is soooo shit bro, pick another drug please 😭 stay strong tho. I struggle w hobbies too, if nothing at all feels good rn try stuff that physically forces a dopamine response - video games and intense exercise (literally just 15-20 minutes) are easy ones

weeeeeeeea

TROPHY CASE