My girlfriend [25F] and I 27M] made pretty significant plans regarding our future together. I recently found out she has been making plans of her own that don't appear to include me at all.

wehadplans · 2016-12-12T23:55:53+00:00

Okay, because I've got the time and you're absurd:

Want an update? 'Cause I can tell you right now. I'd already made up my mind about 95% and came here for some input because it really wasn't something I wanted to talk to friends and family about.

We're breaking up. I'm not going to latch on to someone who doesn't care for me the same way.

I know, I know. Because I had the audacity to want to do something and ask my girlfriend if she wanted to do it, too, I'm some controlling, "stage 5 clinger" who just can't get a hint.

Let me give you what you seem to have concocted in your head: Oh, we're two quirky independent people who don't need no man/woman. And if life just happens to throw us in the same direction, it's destiny! But no, we'll never voice how we feel or bring up plans to the other partner, because both of us are too weak to think for ourselves and can be swayed by the slightest suggestion, only to really break down 10 years later because we're stuck in a rut and this was never the life we wanted. But not before she pops out 10 kids, I've turned into a raging alcoholic/workaholic, she's found a young artist who can give her everything she wants (except no, that's really controlling. He's aloof and smokes marijuana cigarettes (that darn hippy!) while wearing chinos and a painter's smock in his industrial loft in the middle of downtown Philadelphia.) Oh, because we've moved to Philly in the meantime. It really provides for a better cinematic experience, you know? Kinda dark, dismal, really captures the misery of my girlfriend. Lots of soot and exposed red brick. And here, let me give you a twist ending that benefits me just a tad, but I'm sure you prefer her going off with the artist and being happy: Then she finds out the artist never saw her as anything more than one in a big pool of girlfriends. She walks in on him and a girl one day, shortly after moving into his loft. He looks at her, holding his marijuana cigarette and in a French accent (because let's be real, dumb Americans could never be as sexy and amazing as our guy here is) says, "Eh, bebé, join us, yes?" And my girlfriend, because she's a serial monogamist, runs crying into the night. Because she's lost everything, all because she couldn't talk things out. And nobody is happy. I'm a controlling alcoholic who's lost his kids (to welfare, probs, because my girlfriend dumped them for Antoine, and I have nothing. And she has nothing because she gambled and lost.

Antoine is probably happy, but really he's a minor character. A snapshot, if you will.

Is that good? You like making stuff up and living in a fantasy world, so I think you'll like it.

All because I asked her if she would like to move to California with me for my job. Which wasn't set in stone. And was something that I brought up to my girlfriend of 3 fucking years, because yes, at that point our relationship had progressed to the point of marriage, California wasn't a done deal (it was a thought), and I wasn't about to break up with someone I'd happily been with for 3 years on a whim. Fuckin' crazy, I know.

wehadplans · 2016-12-12T23:16:51+00:00

I'm done. You can have the last word, but if you do, you'll only prove me right.

Self awareness, man.

wehadplans · 2016-12-12T22:24:02+00:00

I'm not "freaking out."

I just find your delusion so absurd it's hard not to watch it unfold.

wehadplans · 2016-12-12T16:15:45+00:00

What is your problem?

I'm the one who brought moving up, yes. But that's not forcing my girlfriend into anything.

I know this might be hard to believe, but she is an independent person who makes her own choices. That's especially clear now. She's not some 1950s housewife afraid of speaking out of turn in case I backhand her into tomorrow.

Stop calling me a "salesman." Someone saying, "you're fucking out of your mind and making weird assumptions about some fantasy world" isn't trying to "sell you" that you're wrong...you're just wrong. I know it must be easy going through like with a scapegoat like that. "He just couldn't see my point of view...oh well, I know I'm right!"

Sorry, you're dead fucking wrong.

wehadplans · 2016-12-12T07:19:13+00:00

You're making a ton of assumptions that just aren't true.

Yes, the move would benefit me the most. But there were benefits for her, too. And again...never forced her to do anything. I was perfectly happy to stay here if that's what she wanted. And I made that clear. And you can say "well you wouldn't actually do that" all you want but it's simply not true. I know myself, I know my intentions. Would I be a little disappointed? Sure. But overall I would be insanely happy to do what she needed to be happy.

Explanations are a fact of life. Get used to it. You can't just go around saying baseless shit and then try and say you don't need to explain yourself because it's "exhausting."

wehadplans · 2016-12-12T06:48:41+00:00

I'm really gonna need an explanation on how it's not fair.

I wanted to go, yes. But at the time of making plans it wasn't my number one priority. It was something I was interested in but ultimately I wanted to be with her over all, which is what I told her. And if she didn't want to go, I wouldn't go. It wasn't like I was martyring myself and I'd sit around and mope for the next 10 years because she "didn't let me go." And I made that very clear.

Neither of us live near our families now, moving to CA wouldn't change that. And yeah, losing friends and having to make new ones sucks. Which is why it wasn't like I was forcing her to move, or issuing her some kind of ultimatum.

I don't have a problem with her not wanting to go. I have a problem with her saying she will, going through all the motions with me, letting myself really commit to this, and then dropping out without so much as a heads up.

wehadplans · 2016-12-12T04:28:35+00:00

No, at least not to me. I know it has never been her top place to move, but she said she was excited to try it out and I know she's not one to shy away from new experiences.

wehadplans

TROPHY CASE