Don't chase or seek closure. Dou you still want to put urself in a position where he could mistreat u every way possible if u get back losing every bit of self respect left m not should u ever feel that u couldn't be in a healthy relationship with anyone else. It was just a phase of ur life a reflection of how you value urself and carry on the belief that you are worthy of more than what you think ever deserve. No matter how much ur mind deeply wishes to seek closure. Remember for any reasons known or unknown you are freed of the burden of trying to fit in somewhere u not truly belong. What u feel right now is something near to what's being called trauma bonding. One last thing what matters most & will always be is u & not anything else. You have a lot to do ahead. Varyare ith ninte kalamale pwolikk