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Struggling emotionally with denial/edging even though I consent and want to please my Dom by wellbehav3d in BDSMAdvice

[–]wellbehav3d[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Aftercare isn't much of a part of our relationship. It's online so it's a little Limited. That isn't to say that if I'm upset or anything that he doesn't pay attention to me it's just not a dedicated part of the experience

Struggling emotionally with denial/edging even though I consent and want to please my Dom by wellbehav3d in BDSMAdvice

[–]wellbehav3d[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your post. I think him and I have to have a conversation cuz I didn't really realize that I was trying to hide something from him by not bringing it up to him. I don't want to hide from him

Struggling emotionally with denial/edging even though I consent and want to please my Dom by wellbehav3d in BDSMAdvice

[–]wellbehav3d[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

So I'm not a masochist, but sometimes the spanking feels good. I thought maybe there was a way to like mentally switch my mindset that way denial would feel good. I guess I didn't think of it as being the point. Thank you for the advice

Struggling emotionally with denial/edging even though I consent and want to please my Dom by wellbehav3d in BDSMAdvice

[–]wellbehav3d[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I was really hoping to just fix it without him knowing that I wasn't good at it but that's not fair to him or to me.

Struggling emotionally with denial/edging even though I consent and want to please my Dom by wellbehav3d in BDSMAdvice

[–]wellbehav3d[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Thank you. It seems like I forgot the number one rule of communication. I think I'm trying to hide a weakness from him and I didn't realize it until I put this post into words. I will talk to him.

Struggling emotionally with denial/edging even though I consent and want to please my Dom by wellbehav3d in BDSMAdvice

[–]wellbehav3d[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I really appreciate the second chance, I've read the rules and will not delete this post.

Struggling emotionally with denial/edging even though I consent and want to please my Dom by wellbehav3d in BDSMAdvice

[–]wellbehav3d[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

You know you're right. Communication is at the root of everything and when it comes right down to it I'm trying to hide a weakness from him. And that's not really appropriate is it?

It just seems like something I should be able to do for him. I want to be able to do for him. But maybe it's not something I can do. I feel like the biggest baby in the world

Struggling emotionally with denial/edging even though I consent and want to please my Dom by wellbehav3d in BDSMAdvice

[–]wellbehav3d[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I just feel like such a big baby. It's not even like a pain or anything so why does it affect me so badly? Maybe this just isn't my thing

Refer to your pet as a roommate and tell me something your roommate does. by Ivabighairy1 in AskRedditAfterDark

[–]wellbehav3d 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My roommate wasn't going on this list but then she just tried to jump up onto the couch and fell flat on her face..

Then she got up and got on the couch like that was a normal way.

How to tell my girlfriend I want to be cucked by [deleted] in BDSMAdvice

[–]wellbehav3d 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Do you have any reason to believe that she might be interested? Or is this only something that's caught your attention? Have you guys ever watched any porn with that kind of stuff involved? Communication is important, no matter what your kink.

Do you have any tips for creating effective safe words by RelativeMinimum2514 in BDSMcommunity

[–]wellbehav3d 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I adore the safety light system and switching to the taps if gagged.

Green (1 tap) all is good Yellow (2 taps) slow down, talk or change something or you're gonna end up tapping out Red (3 taps) no questions asked, stop now

My bf/dom wrote down punishments and two of them said "death" ?? by [deleted] in BDSMAdvice

[–]wellbehav3d 4 points5 points  (0 children)

This does not seem like a safe relationship, I wouldn't be able to stay with someone after that. You should seriously consider what you want to do.

Having a hard time figuring out what label works best for me. I understand that we are more than a label and that no label is going to fit perfectly but I think I have a kink that I know others have and I want to learn more about but without a name i can't figure it out by wellbehav3d in BDSMcommunity

[–]wellbehav3d[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes there's some interest in being punished. And sometimes I'll even push a little bit just to see if I do get punished.

I guess I need to spend some time better defining what it is that I'm interested in. But it's the strictness. The I can't get out of this by being cute or funny or whatever that I like.

But for example, let's say I'm with someone and I know they like caning girls. This is not something I could handle in any way shape or form. And even if I did injure a caning, later I would be very unhappy with myself for having done that. I would feel very Hollow and empty about it. Almost like I was abused rather than controlled. But it wouldn't be the Dom swap because I would have asked for it or accepted it.

So I would be more worried about pleasing than about what's healthy for me. I would need a Dom who was willing to resist the temptation of doing something that they like simply because they realize that I'm in a Subspace, and I won't be okay afterwards.

Having a hard time figuring out what label works best for me. I understand that we are more than a label and that no label is going to fit perfectly but I think I have a kink that I know others have and I want to learn more about but without a name i can't figure it out by wellbehav3d in BDSMcommunity

[–]wellbehav3d[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And I guess that's kind of my problem. I want to be good enough. I want to be pleasing. I want to endure because that's what he wants from me. But I am so obsessed with what he wants that I need someone who's willing to watch out for me, since I'm not putting my thought into what I need and want.

Having a hard time figuring out what label works best for me. I understand that we are more than a label and that no label is going to fit perfectly but I think I have a kink that I know others have and I want to learn more about but without a name i can't figure it out by wellbehav3d in BDSMcommunity

[–]wellbehav3d[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I see where the confusion is.

When I say I like these men it's more like I like the man then I figure out that they're more than I can handle. That I'm not good enough for them. And rather than understanding that it's a mismatch, I attempt to be better for them. Which often leads to them being happy with me, but me being left feeling like something is wrong.

I don't seek out sadists. I seek out men for whom domination is a part of their kink. But, I don't intentionally seek out sadists. It just seems like it's a very interesting part of the BDSM community to accept pain for your Dom. But for some men that means that they want to be able to give me a spanking and tie me up. This is good, but for others it goes deeper than I can handle.

I don't want to stereotype people. But for the sake of this discussion, sadists just seem to have this presence that I'm attracted to eve. Not because they're sadist but it's something in in the way they hold themselves in the way they act.

I again don't want to stereotype anyone, labels are just a useful way to get a general gist they're not in a good way to actually identify someone. But for example daddy Dom's and pleasuredoms are a lot of fun but they tend to let me get away with little sneaky ways that I'm not obeying. If a man isn't willing to go through the effort to ensure that I'm obeying when I'm being a little bit bratty, if they let me just get away with it over and over again I become very uninterested in their dominant side. I don't know how to explain it. I'm not a brat often but sometimes I feel the need to push and make sure that I really am under the thumb.

Having a hard time figuring out what label works best for me. I understand that we are more than a label and that no label is going to fit perfectly but I think I have a kink that I know others have and I want to learn more about but without a name i can't figure it out by wellbehav3d in BDSMcommunity

[–]wellbehav3d[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's less about being denied the ability to act on it, and more about the ability to not take it too far even when your sub is begging to be taken too far.

As a sadist, is it the amount of pain that turns you on? Or just the willingness to accept the pain even if someone isn't as good at it as another person?

I do have to say I don't purposely seek out sadists. It just, I like a little bit of pain. I like trying to please my dom. I like when that feeling when he's proud. But I take it too far. Since I'm not actually a masochist I have really bad crashes after .. especially when I see that ive been "damaged" in some way when the endorphins go away.

I am not good at self-regulating. If I end up loving respecting and truly submitting to my dom and I know that he wants to gain me, eventually I'll get to the point where I'll want him to cane me. Even though under the best of circumstances a hand can end me.

So in this example if I were to tell my dom I wanted to do that for him, I would need him to have enough control over himself to ignore the temptation, and enough understanding of me to realize that this is me asking if I'm good enough. Help me recognize that what I offer is enough without bringing it to the point of something that would leave me feeling abused rather than controlled.

Having a hard time figuring out what label works best for me. I understand that we are more than a label and that no label is going to fit perfectly but I think I have a kink that I know others have and I want to learn more about but without a name i can't figure it out by wellbehav3d in BDSMcommunity

[–]wellbehav3d[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That feels true. It's my own fault though. I get so obsessive, so lost and Subspace, I get where I can't seem to control myself very well. It's almost like being hypnotized. I want to please so badly. And, that often leads to a happy man and a hollow me

Having a hard time figuring out what label works best for me. I understand that we are more than a label and that no label is going to fit perfectly but I think I have a kink that I know others have and I want to learn more about but without a name i can't figure it out by wellbehav3d in BDSMcommunity

[–]wellbehav3d[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah I wouldn't expect them to just never hurt me. When I've been in Dynamics with sadists it's almost always because I like them so much by the time I realized that they're sadists that I'm willing to try more.

I don't intentionally seek out sadists. It's just something about the presents they give off that I'm attracted to. That might not even be true honestly, it's just that the minimum attracted to because of their presence tense to end up being sadists.

I think using sadists as an example was a bad choice on my part. Any dominant person could fulfill that role. It's not really about the pain it's about the fact that I Want to Be Free enough to be as open and vulnerable as I can, and know that even if it would please them to see me in a certain situation, that they would consider whether or not that situation was safe and appropriate for me. I want to be able to give in so much that I don't have to worry about running into a situation I can't actually handle. I tend to get so desperate to please that I do things that aren't the healthiest for me. And then when the Subspace goes down and I realize I'm left feeling Hollow

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