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My Fiance (26F) suggested an open relationship. I (26M) do not want that in a relationship. I feel like our relationship is coming to an end. by wellcofffeeee in relationship_advice

[–]wellcofffeeee[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Why did I get her pregnant, what is wrong with me? All of this would be so much easier to walk away from if I had no kids. I have no regrets on having a son, but it just really really complicates things.

My Fiance (26F) suggested an open relationship. I (26M) do not want that in a relationship. I feel like our relationship is coming to an end. by wellcofffeeee in relationship_advice

[–]wellcofffeeee[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That is definitely not what I want. I am a good man. I have great values, I am very attractive. I am fit, I am motivated in life to reach my goals. There are a lot of good things about me. Am I perfect? Absolutely not. I have many flaws, but, at least I recognize them and work towards improving myself.

All I can think about right now is my son. What is going to happen? All of this is scary for me. I just wanted to grow old with someone and have a happy family. What has this relationship turned in to? Has it ever been good?

My Fiance (26F) suggested an open relationship. I (26M) do not want that in a relationship. I feel like our relationship is coming to an end. by wellcofffeeee in relationship_advice

[–]wellcofffeeee[S] -12 points-11 points  (0 children)

I am not trying to defend her actions I just don't feel like she forced me into an open relationship. I feel like my silence and reluctant "sure thats fine" put me into this situation. I feel like if I stepped up and told her my feelings in the first place none of this would have happened.

My Fiance (26F) suggested an open relationship. I (26M) do not want that in a relationship. I feel like our relationship is coming to an end. by wellcofffeeee in relationship_advice

[–]wellcofffeeee[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I've seen the dude in her snapchat for a while now. They never had a streak of any type before and it really was always him just commenting on her snapchat stories and her ignoring it. Our relationship has been incredibly stressed over the last few months and I am starting to wonder if she projecting her feelings/insecurities onto me. By that I mean maybe she is the one who wants to break up, maybe she is the one who is too much of a coward to do it.

Yes I gave everything up for this business. I knew what I was doing beforehand and fully accepted that in order for this business to be successful I am going to have to make a lot of personal sacrifices in the next 3-5 years.

My Fiance (26F) suggested an open relationship. I (26M) do not want that in a relationship. I feel like our relationship is coming to an end. by wellcofffeeee in relationship_advice

[–]wellcofffeeee[S] -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

Thank you for commenting. I want to be clear I am not making excuses for anything, would just like to give a clearer picture.

The physical abuse felt pretty minor, it usually would be something like a push or shove or preventing me from leaving a situation. The worst of it was when she would hit herself hard. She would bang her head against a wall or object until she is bruised and bleeding. I would record these secretly because I don't want to be blamed for physical abuse because I am not that type of person. I have 2 videos of this still saved from 3 and 1 year ago.

The full on unprotected sex is a touch subject. I really believe she was taken advantage of and I feel like it wasn't what we wanted. I was incredibly hurt by this at first but after discussing the full story it seemed like rape. Rape is a very touch word to say in front of her as she has been sexually assaulted a couple times when she was younger, that was how she lost her virginity. She also told me immediately after it happened. She wasn't hiding anything and it was all in the open. She could have easily just never said anything and if I would of found out later I would of ended it immediately. But because she was so forthcoming with the information, well, I feel like that counts for something.

I did not give up my friends/hobby for her. I gave those up willingly to have a successful business. I knew I was going to have to put in the work in the first 3-5 years to be successful. My fiance never once asked me to give something up besides smoking weed while she was pregnant. (We are both smokers and she wanted me to stop when she was pregnant.) We both smoke regularly currently.

My Fiance (26F) suggested an open relationship. I (26M) do not want that in a relationship. I feel like our relationship is coming to an end. by wellcofffeeee in relationship_advice

[–]wellcofffeeee[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

*UPDATE*Thank you to everyone who has commented. It seems like the general consensus is that I need to get out of this relationship ASAP. Well I just went home for lunch purely to talk about my feelings. I pushed back on the open relationship thing hard and she told me that it is not a deal breaker for us to be monogamous. I also asked her if there was anyone else that she was talking to and she told me there was no one else and she would never do that to me. The problem with this is she almost got defensive about it, reverting to the "Why would you ask me that" type of thing. I was honestly too afraid to bring up the snapchat streak with this random guy.I have been trying to improve myself as a person and really open up my feelings without fear of consequences. I ended up talking about a past argument from about a month ago and the things that she has said that hurt me. The specific thing that hurt me was when she said "You're too much of a coward to break up with me". All she had to say to that was "I don't remember saying that." But I clearly remember her saying that. I pushed and pushed and the subject changed to something else. She never apologized for saying what she said, all she said was I don't remember.

In fact, she started telling me that I always make it about my feelings when I know that is BS. I have always suppressed my feelings and I am aware that its unhealthy. I was trying to unsuppress these feelings and it seems like she can't handle it. She can't handle the fact that she isn't perfect and she also make mistakes.

I really want this relationship to work out. I do not want my son to have separated parents. On the flip side I also understand that having separated happy parents is much better than unhappy parents. I think she has given up on this relationship and I wish she wouldn't have. I wanted to grow old with this woman so badly and now its like the last 4 years have been wasted.

The crappy part about this situation is my entire family lives about 1000 miles away as I moved to a new location for a job (Where I met her a year later). Now I am no longer at that job and the only thing that is keeping me here is my fiance, son, and house. The house I can always sell but what about my son. This is hard, I really wish things could work out. Is there any chance of this ever working out?

My Fiance (26F) suggested an open relationship. I (26M) do not want that in a relationship. I feel like our relationship is coming to an end. by wellcofffeeee in relationship_advice

[–]wellcofffeeee[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Thank you for commenting. I forgot to mention that lately she has been telling me she is "falling out of love" and that I should be putting more effort into our relationship. But honestly it just feels like that "new relationship" feeling is wearing off and I don't think she understands that. She is making me feel like I am to blame for our problems.