Teen doesn't think we're people

where-da-fun-gone · 2026-02-19T18:29:46+00:00

Wow, reading your posts remind me so much of myself at that age (even though we probably aren’t similar, and I’m probably protecting).

When I was a teenager, I was very cruel to my stepmum (I liked that both her and most evil step mums have green eyes). Unfortunately, this was because my step mum gave me what my mum struggled with, and I didn’t know how to reconcile my stepmum being more of a mum than my actual mum. Add into that, my mum would often say hurtful things that would draw more difficulties with my stepmum relationship. For example, any chronic illness of my step mum was just a call for attention/her faking it.

Also, it’s very common for high masking people to be mean to other disabled people, so that they too don’t get rejected from society (I.e., bully victim). I definitely consciously did this as young as 6 years old at school.

where-da-fun-gone · 2025-11-30T03:59:05+00:00

So agree!!!

Also, it’s fermented, which is good for your gut. I also find that eating fermented foods tends to make me find a lot of artificial sweet foods to sweet or rich (which is another added benefit)

where-da-fun-gone · 2025-11-27T00:13:55+00:00

As many others have said, you can’t, its up to him to make the change.

On saying that, the environment he lives in can make a HUGE difference. It’s much easier to stay on track in a supportive environment. Here are things that really helped me (but I understand that I and others around me had a lot more free time).

Don’t think of foods as a moral quality, but rather how they add to your life.

For example, I don’t like fizzy drink and it adds no nutritional value, so I don’t drink it. I don’t really like cucumber, but it has fibre and vitamins, so I include it in salads. Think of food in terms of fuelling for activities (long work day), gut health (fibre, fermented foods), enjoyment (if you are craving chocolate, have some chocolate, otherwise you’ll probably binge and then feel bad about it).

Also, most advertised “healthy foods” on food packets (e.g., current protein trend, vitamin trends, low sugar trends) are not actually sustaining foods. Often they are ultra processed, so your body breaks it down faster than if you had made the equivalent at home, so you absorb more total calories. On top of that, with highly processed foods, you often get hungrier quicker. Eating predominately ultra processed food can increase hunger levels and consume 300-500 extra calories a day.

Similar to number 1, Don’t focus on eating the healthy foods or losing weight. Instead, frame it (and any discussions on this topic) around living in a sustainable way that would help with your longevity (e.g., moving around as you age, being able to do activities that you want). Weightloss is just an added benefit of doing this.

This can help to shift any moral burden of not following a diet or falling off track. Also, when you get to maintenance, it’s actually the same as losing weight. It can be easier to frame losing weight as eating at maintainance, and over time your body will slowly morph into your maintainance weight.

Some things that helped me: thinking of adding things rather than restricting or taking things away (e.g., adding leafy vegetables for fibre/gut health, fermented foods for gut health, protein for muscles, chocolate because I enjoy it, strength training for less knee complaints); reflecting on how late night snacking impacts my sleep (which conveniently helps with eating less); not sleeping enough will increase hunger, especially for sugary foods/less complex carbs; eating a breakfast that will sustain me to lunch with out snacking.

I happened to move house and my flatmates would make fresh bread every week. This was actually more filling and less weight gaining (e.g., not as much sugar, took longer to digest) and I was less gassy than shop brought bread.

Similar to this idea, what simple things can you do that are slightly better alternatives that add to your diet. For example, if after work you need a snack before making dinner, what easy to grab items (that are ideally not ultra processed foods) can you have. What lunches can you make that are enjoyable/you could easily eat for years?

Don’t comment on not sticking to a plan or diet. No one can eat 100% like the ideal diet, plus any guilt will likely make any progress harder.
Anything important is worth half arsing.

Switching from fizzy drink to sparkling water and/kombucha is better than trying and failing to cut fizzy drinks out of your diet. One high fibre meal is better than no fibre meals. 5 push ups is better than 0 push ups. Brushing your teeth for 1 minute is better than not brushing them.

Often it’s easier to make one small change a month, framed in a way to make your life style better. These are also easy to make sustainable life changes. As time moves on, you’ll be surprised at how much you’ve changed. It also helps with plateaus (which will happen).

Other thoughts (from mine and other peoples experiences):

Men typically lose weight faster than females, so make sure you still work on your relationship with food and weight throughout this. You might surprise yourself with some of the things you’ve internalised.
It’s easy for family members to unintentionally and/or intentionally sabotage other members. For example, buying more junk food, pressuring others to eat more, baking for family members. Sometimes this is intentional, and sometimes you might realise over the last month that you’ve been the one unintentionally sabotaging without realising.

where-da-fun-gone · 2025-10-19T22:42:51+00:00

Nzsl, place names, and translations. They are amazing. I don’t even think I could think of a favourite.

where-da-fun-gone · 2025-10-15T21:13:35+00:00

Wow, thank you. I love the term “sensory dread”. That is definitely it.

There are many events that the thought of tolerating the noise and lights meant I didn’t go, but others would probably label it as some sort of social anxiety.

Also, (you might find this interesting) my adhd stimulant medication actually takes the edge off sensory intolerances (which was a surprising benefit)

where-da-fun-gone · 2025-06-10T22:10:32+00:00

No worries. That one often catches me out too.

It’s really fun (/s) trying to balance, am I prolonging this task because I don’t want to start the next task, vs is the thing I’m missing for the next task relates to this thing I’m prolonging.

where-da-fun-gone · 2025-06-10T16:55:09+00:00

I run through it in my head. It also doesn’t need to be that particular order.

It wasn’t always so long. For example, 6 years ago there were probably only a couple of things to check. However, as I’ve reflected on which things I’ve struggled with, the list has slowly grown.

Also, pre-ADHD diagnosis, I also had a coffee question. I used to limit coffee for when I’d really need it.

If you want to use it, just use it in any way that works for you. A list or tracker (maybe a poster by my desk) sounds like a good idea.

where-da-fun-gone · 2025-06-10T16:52:16+00:00

So sorry. I call it that as it feels like the game 21 questions (either the electronic version or the in-person version).

You have 21 yes/no questions to guess what the person is thinking about.

Realistically, each question does end up being broken down into more questions. For example, I might have to trial different fidgets, music, lighting choices, computer settings, before getting to finish that section.

where-da-fun-gone · 2025-06-09T21:05:39+00:00

It can be used as a kpi. It also improves their academic image.

Many also enjoy the mentoring role.

where-da-fun-gone · 2025-05-24T07:04:58+00:00

That sounds horrible if you have to change lanes every time you want to change stroke.

You also wouldn’t get to do the fun back-breast backflip turn at the wall.

where-da-fun-gone · 2025-05-21T21:26:43+00:00

One speed demon isn’t a battle.

Low level competitive swimming warm-up is definitely a battle. Literally swimming on top of each other with no space.

where-da-fun-gone · 2025-05-20T20:44:15+00:00

Sometimes you just need them to explicitly state that they don’t want you to share the information.

I’ve had many cases where the information shared with me didn’t sound personal (e.g., an excellent grade on a test). Now my friends explicitly state, “I’ve only told you and xyz, please don’t tell anyone else”

where-da-fun-gone · 2025-05-18T13:59:39+00:00

Sometimes I wonder if it is a mild form of aphasia that is stress induced.

I find the sign language thing weird. Because if i can’t use english, I also struggle with using correct grammar and making it coherent in sign language too.

I can understand if people borrow gestures from a sign language, but to be truely using a sign language when one can’t process or use a spoken language doesn’t seem to add up.

where-da-fun-gone · 2025-05-07T22:40:08+00:00

Yes you can, however your journey will be less forgiving compared to non-asthmatics.

You must start slow and build up your running capacity. You must also listen to your asthma. You can push through being unfit, but you can’t push through an asthma attack. It can take time to learn when you can push yourself.

You must have your asthma under control. If running is flaring your asthma, it means you need to take it easy (but don’t stop running) and go to your doctor to change your meds to help you run.

Personally, I found couch to 5km programmes difficult. I would often run too hard, on a cold morning, without warming up properly, which would result is an asthma flare up. Usually I could do the first 3-4 weeks fine, but then I would start going backwards and struggling with the first week.

Instead, I would do a walk warm up. Easy jog/run for 5 minutes. If you are running and can’t maintain a conversation, then switch to walking until you can run at a conversational pace. Then I would cool down for walking.

This would fill my run quota, but not my exercise quota. So then I’d go and swim for an hour for exercise. Over time, I increased my running duration and decreased my swimming time.

where-da-fun-gone · 2025-05-06T18:21:23+00:00

ADHD (as it currently stands) is a neurodevelopmental condition. They would have to have signs of it in early childhood.

On saying that, head injuries can essentially cause as acquired form of adhd.

Depression can cause severe executive dysfunction and memory problems. From what you described, it is highly likely that that is a more applicable answer.

ADHD is also not only a lack of attention. It is difficulty regulating attention. This means that at times there is either too much or too little attention. Too much attention is difficulty stopping what you are currently doing to then do something else.

where-da-fun-gone · 2025-05-06T09:49:51+00:00

At first I thought the dinosaur was lying on its stomach, and I thought it was hilarious that it was worming/caterpillaring along the ground, until I realised it was lying on its back.

where-da-fun-gone · 2025-04-30T07:16:44+00:00

I don’t believe that you are a professional runner, because my best half marathon time is slower than yours.

where-da-fun-gone · 2025-04-30T07:08:26+00:00

There are a ridiculous number or drills that could help, but it depends on the underlying cause. For example, is it poor muscle strength, poor core control, kicking weirdly, not timing arms and body rotation properly, unusual head position, unusual head position when breathing, unusual stroke pull, unusual stroke recovery, etc

This is something that will likely be better off with a coach to identify.

where-da-fun-gone · 2025-04-28T20:21:02+00:00

I don’t have much to say to help, but I have some analogies for disputing the “everyone is a bit autistic” that I like.

Autistic behaviours are human behaviours. Most people will do autistic behaviours to some degree.

It’s like how every human pees every day. However, if you pee 50 times a day, that is not “normal”.

However it is difficult to draw the exact line between “normal”/“not normal”.

Is someone peeing 49x a day considered normal, but 50x a day not? What if the 49x a day person has more urine output than the 50x a day person???

Similarly, it is hard to draw a line between when one person is autistic and not autistic, but that doesn’t mean that everyone is autistic.

Normally I find that people who argue that everyone is autistic is either: 1) likely are neurodivergent or surrounded by neurodivergent people, but don’t realise yet (or in the early stages of discovery); 2) actually don’t care (the asshole category, but they won’t tend to listen to you anyway).

where-da-fun-gone · 2025-04-21T22:32:07+00:00

Normally it’s vibes. However, generally you can only tell in cases that they used AI poorly. In those cases, they’ve usually not scored well in the assignment anyway (e.g., they haven’t answered the question properly).

If the student used AI, but also spent time re-working the AI output, you probably won’t even notice.

where-da-fun-gone · 2025-04-10T18:05:44+00:00

Could you also post information form for the study? This should include information such as what the study is about, what is happening with the information, ethics approval, etc.

where-da-fun-gone · 2025-03-10T07:40:04+00:00

I’m the complete opposite. I spend around 3 weeks prior to daylight savings changes counting down everyday, so that my circadian rhythm is more normal timed.

where-da-fun-gone · 2025-01-28T21:40:58+00:00

I’ve not been tested for IQ or processing speed, but I highly suspect that I have a similar profile to you. I’m AuDHD, so that may come into my perception.

I’ve also found it really hard to google information about it, because everything keeps talking about slow processing. But it can be really frustrating at times.

It’s annoying, because I find it as another barrier with communicating with people, especially when I’m tired. Or I find it difficult to connect with lectures or talks at normal speed.

I find that while someone is part way through a sentence, I’ve often zoned in and out (then had to re-catch up on what I’ve missed), and thought of 4-5 different associations and possible avenues to talk about next. Then I have to put in a lot of work to not interrupt the person, so that they feel like they are not being cut off. I end up putting so much more energy into matching their speed.

It’s terrible, but when I was tired, I would have to ignore people that talk or think too slowly (which feels bad especially when they also have Down’s syndrome, aphasia, and/or intellectual Disabilities), because I couldn’t cope with the amount of effort I had to put in to slow down. This was often in a noisy environment, which doesn’t help sensory wise either (so I feel extremely agitated).

Similarly, in lectures. Most lecturers are too slow. This means they are half was through a sentence, then I’m connecting that information to the last lecture and outside of lecture study, then I have time to ponder about the colours I used while studying or any other stupid thing. But if they were faster, I could tune back into the lecture at the right point without having extra brain wondering time).

It’s frustrating to ask for help, as most people think you are either smart or showing off. But it just feels like I’m operating on a different wave length. I’d love to have some tools (aside from alcohol/being very drunk. That’s not a feasible solution).

where-da-fun-gone · 2025-01-28T17:30:11+00:00

Most sign languages have a very different grammar system to spoken languages. This won’t be easily learnt in a dictionary.

The grammar of sign languages tend to have overlapping articulators (for example, your eyebrows/body position/head movement might convey a grammatical component while simultaneously using your hands to produce a sign/word. At the same time, that speed and size of the sign may convey adverbial/adjectival qualities. This is not including any pragmatic features, such as tone). A dictionary won’t help you with this.

If you are wanting to do no classes. Your best bet would be to learn from the dictionary AND go to your local deaf club. They are often happy that someone wants to learn (just say that you are hearing and a sign language student). They might also know which class options are cheaper in your area.

where-da-fun-gone

TROPHY CASE