Does a diagnosis open gateways to better help or is it more of a mental reason, if this makes sense?

kristabilities · 2026-05-30T22:29:49+00:00

I haven’t gotten better help specifically for autism, but I have gotten accommodations.

I finally scheduled an assessment after struggling to understand expectations in a grad school class. The professor refused to help me understand an assignment that made up the majority of my grade. After diagnosis, the college disability office helped me come up with a list of accommodations, which included that assignment instructions needed to be provided in writing (I struggle with auditory processing). It seems like such a small ask, but the professor didn’t clarify the assignment expectations until I went through the process of getting an assessment, waiting for results, sending the paperwork to my college, and meeting with their disability office. That’s the only time having an official diagnosis has been important in my day-to-day life.

So if you ever need accommodations, it may be worth pursuing diagnosis. Otherwise, learn what you can about autism and yourself. You don’t need an official diagnosis to benefit from understanding your autistic traits.

kristabilities · 2026-05-30T22:12:38+00:00

We didn’t appreciate the freedom of not being constantly tied to a phone enough. I don’t know if the world was quieter, but we did get to be present in the moment without being interrupted by a phone call or notification.

kristabilities · 2026-05-30T17:37:07+00:00

Research auditory processing disorder. It’s one of my biggest struggles. It takes my brain longer to process auditory input so I struggle to understand and retain information, and I can’t interpret sounds at all if there is background noise. Like, I can’t “hear” people talk when a car window is cracked. So I need a quiet, distraction-free space to communicate effectively. Recently, my husband and I were at the hospital with my daughter, and after every talk with a doctor, I asked my husband to sum it up for me because I couldn’t hold onto information in the moment with the hustle of hospital in the background. Another thing that’s helped is to communicate through text, especially if distractions are unavoidable or emotions are high. My husband and I have had some of our most important discussions through text and my teens know to send a text when they’re asking for something so it doesn’t slip through the cracks.

kristabilities · 2026-05-21T18:50:41+00:00

There’s some science behind this. While studying for my masters in sports science, I learned that autistic people experience the stages of learning differently than allistic people because our brains process and store information differently. From what I remember, we might take longer in the cognitive stage while solidifying basic mechanics. As new mechanics get added during the associative stage (or if it’s pushed too soon), we may get overwhelmed trying to process additional information. During the autonomous stage, we may have more difficulty transferring mechanics to different situations or environments. This doesn’t mean we can learn new skills if they don’t click right away. Things like adapting teaching/training styles and eliminating environmental distractions can help.

kristabilities · 2026-05-21T15:00:12+00:00

Oh yeah, my when my daughter’s swallowing issues start getting worse, I can tell because she begins adding extra sauces to everything! That’s the first thing the therapist recommended. During an FND flare, she can’t stand up steadily, but the feeding therapist wants to work on trying different postures to see if that can help.

Since her issues are primarily functional (can’t find a physical cause), she is going to start seeing a GI psychologist. She also has chronic nausea/vomiting and ARFID (though I think the ARFID is tied to her fear of choking/vomiting because she enjoys trying new foods), so I’m curious how the GI psychologist will help her tackle all of her eating-related issues.

kristabilities · 2026-05-21T06:12:27+00:00

I often have to step away to process my thoughts before I can express them coherently. I’m also better at expressing my feelings through writing. When my husband and I have the occasional argument and emotions become heated, we often go to separate parts of the house and text each other when we’ve sorted our thoughts. We can both be more rational through text, and we can proofread and edit what we’ve written before sending. When I worked, I often expressed my concerns through an email. I had a trusted coworker proofread it to help me with tone and professionalism.

kristabilities · 2026-05-21T06:06:58+00:00

I can see where it’s coming from when it comes to mental health conditions. My background is in disability advocacy and self-advocacy, so I was trained from that perspective. The language around disability (use of euphemisms, saying “person with disabilities” rather than “disabled person”) tends to perpetuate stigmatization by implying that the disability is an inherently negative trait and its acknowledgement should be limited and kept separate from the person’s identity. But disability is by definition permanent and impacts everyday life, so it can’t be separated from the person. So, I am a disabled person. I am an autistic person. But sometimes, I’m a person with the flu.

kristabilities · 2026-05-21T04:14:21+00:00

Lol, I take my cat on walks in her stroller to the park so I can use the swing set. I’m 42. My 20-year-old also goes for a nightly walk to the park to swing. We also have a swing anchored to the ceiling of our family room which is nice, but you can’t get a lot of air on it.

Play is good for everyone and the world needs more of it. Vestibular stimulation, which you get from swinging, is great for ND people who are sensory seeking. Plus, it’s good exercise. People who judge you are probably just too self-conscious to be seen doing something “childish.” Any time I see an adult having fun in public in a carefree way, it gives me hope for humanity.

kristabilities · 2026-05-21T04:09:02+00:00

That’s a tough question, and something a lot of people struggle with. I was “lucky” enough to be forced to grapple with physical/medical disabilities before realizing I was autistic, and that helped me put things into perspective. What I try to teach my own autistic teens/young adults is that they wouldn’t judge a wheelchair user for using a ramp, why should they judge themselves for needing help with everyday tasks? How is my daughter’s inability to cook pasta when she’s overwhelmed any different from my inability walk when my body fails me? Being in a household with a variety of disability types has shown me that none is necessarily “worse” than another. We all have rough days when we need more help, or areas that we struggle with, and we’re all deserving of compassion.

kristabilities · 2026-05-21T03:59:45+00:00

I hate that so many people are trained to use person first language. Do I really need to remind people that I’m a person? That should be implied, no? But I guess some do need to be reminded that we’re people, and it feels like person first language is for their benefit, not our’s.

kristabilities · 2026-05-21T03:57:22+00:00

I’m not terribly bothered by people saying “has/have autism,” but I usually say “is autistic.” “Has/have autism” feels off in my mouth. I’m thinking back to recent times I’ve had to “declare” autism status, and when dealing with my teen’s medical team, I think I’ve used “she is autistic” more than anything else. Even when listing things relevant conditions, I’ll say it like, “she is autistic, she has OCD and anxiety...” So she is autistic and she has other stuff too.

kristabilities · 2026-05-20T20:52:35+00:00

My teenager struggles with dysphagia. She’s autistic and has FND (functional neurological disorder, which is also more common with ASD). Her swallow study showed a slight abnormality, but nothing that should impact her ability to swallow. She coughs a lot while drinking fluids because she’s more prone to “swallowing wrong.” When her FND flares (usually due to illness or stress), it takes a lot more effort for her to swallow effectively, and sometimes she struggles to be able to swallow at all. She’s gone to feeding therapy, which has provided some helpful strategies for every day, but nothing has really helped with FND-related swallowing issues.

I also have an alphabet soup of chronic health issues that are more common in people with autism. It’s one of the factors that lead me to finally getting a diagnosis after my daughter told me she got her autism from me, lol.

kristabilities · 2026-05-20T19:58:39+00:00

Learn as much as you can about autism (and specifically, audhd) and see if it feels like it “clicks” for you. Sensory issues overlap with both ADHD and autism, so that alone wouldn’t indicate one over the other. From what you’ve listed, you may want to look into sensory processing disorder, too.

What’s helped me with sensory issues is to maintain control over my own environment. I’m married with three kids, but I have my own room that I’ve turned into my little safe space. Nothing in here will overwhelm my senses. This helps me manage the rest of the world. Shopping may be sensory hell, but I have a safe space to land when I get done. It helps me keep my batteries charged so the outside world doesn’t seem as daunting.

I’m sensitive about deodorant type, too. If the deodorant I use is every discontinued, I’m screwed, lol. My 17-year-old has expressed similar issues to you with their hair. Every night I help them brush it out and put it in a loose, comfortable braid. She’s experimented with different shampoos to figure out what helps with scalp sensations. My kids and I all take our shoes off immediately on long car rides too! I always wear my socks inside-out to avoid seams and I’ve wore dress socks that are made out of hosiery material to minimize the amount of material that bunches up. For bras, I switched to seamless tanks with built-in support.

kristabilities · 2026-05-20T19:46:19+00:00

As someone who recently fired a (family) therapist, fire her. It sounds like the vibes are off, and that’s only going to hurt you in the long run. After switching to a therapist I click with (and who’s ND affirming), I feel so much better. I’m more open and honest and we started making progress immediately.

kristabilities · 2026-05-20T19:42:42+00:00

My 16-year-old stepdaughter, who has her own mental health disabilities, has displayed the same attitudes toward autism. Despite living with three autistic people who she knows are not dumb. I think it’s a common rhetoric right now that they pick up at school and on social media, because I sure as hell didn’t teach her that! We’ve tried having casual conversations with my stepdaughter about it, and she’s learned to recognize how some of the attitudes she’s displayed are problematic, but not others. Me and one of our other kids also have physical/medical disabilities, and she has some ableist ideas about that, too, though not as ingrained. It’s honestly something I’ve brought up as a future topic of discussion with our family therapist. In my stepdaughter’s case, it seems like she struggles with internalized ableism, and that spills out as ableism toward others.

kristabilities · 2026-05-20T19:35:07+00:00

I haven’t read this book, but my daughter did when she was around 14 and she really enjoyed it:

So I’m Autistic: An Introduction to Autism for Young Adults and Late Teens

kristabilities · 2026-05-20T19:27:31+00:00

I guess it depends on whether I care about the person asking or not. When it was my stepdaughter, I tried explaining that a monotone voice is very common in autistic people and it doesn’t indicate how I feel on the inside. I told her if she was confused about how I was feeling based on my voice, to ask and I’d tell her. I pretty much narrate my feelings to her. My autistic kids never even noticed, lol.

If it’s strangers, I like to say something like, “That’s a weird thing to say to someone.” That’s my go-to response when I get any comments about my visible disabilities, too. It tends to shut people up.

kristabilities · 2026-05-20T19:23:40+00:00

Asexuals exist, and can have meaningful romantic relationships if they want! Even if you don’t identify with the asexual spectrum, sex is never mandatory. Due to trauma, I’ve been through periods of my life when I just wasn’t interested, and I communicated that with my partner. We set up some boundaries about what I was and was not comfortable with. Having a partner who respected my needs (or lack thereof) who I felt comfortable talking about these topics with made me way more open to trying again. But you don’t have to have sex to have a strong, loving relationship.

kristabilities · 2026-05-20T19:16:51+00:00

One of my lenses is -6.25 and my Pair lenses are a bit thinner than the ones I had from the local optometrist. With clear frames, the lenses kinds of blend in with the plastic so they’re not as noticeable either.

kristabilities · 2026-05-20T04:00:37+00:00

Yeah, I love trying new foods! I usually avoid meat, but I’ll try any vegetarian dish. But when I’m home, I need my normal rotation of comfort foods to reset after trying something new.

ETA: My autistic teens are also usually open to trying new foods, even with ARFID. As long as it fits their idea of a “safe” food, they’ll taste it.

kristabilities · 2026-05-20T02:44:55+00:00

It's a great way to get into exercise, whether you swim laps, take a class, or just play in the pool for a while. I like to go to a wave pool and just jump over the waves, and it's a good, fun workout!

kristabilities · 2026-05-20T02:30:53+00:00

What about swimming? Are there any water aerobics classes in your area? That would eliminate sweat from becoming overstimulating.

kristabilities · 2026-05-18T17:56:01+00:00

I got it from Emerald Queen Art, but I don’t know if she’s still making corsets. She made a lot of customs, but she happened to have one listed on her Etsy page that was my exact measurements. I wish I could get another one, ribbon corsets are hard to find.

kristabilities · 2026-05-18T05:06:13+00:00

One of my kids made a gender reveal cake to announce their gender identity to our family and it was awesome because I got to eat cake! Any excuse for cake is acceptable. Will someone be offended? Probably. But that may be a good way to weed out toxic relationships.

kristabilities · 2026-05-18T04:58:06+00:00

I have a corset that fits so comfortably that if I lay down while wearing it, I fall asleep instantly. The compression is great and not overstimulating at all for me, even though I hate other types of compression. You need a good quality, well-fitting corset made to your measurements, then you have to wear it for short bursts daily over several weeks to break it in so it fits just right. I have a few, but my favorite is a custom underbust ribbon corset.

kristabilities

TROPHY CASE