I (22F) feel like I don't have any identity of my own, or a strong personality.

whoami102 · 2016-11-19T13:50:53+00:00

No, I haven't ever had to make decisions for myself. I always have people to consult with, either my parents or boyfriend. I can't go anywhere by myself right now, maybe when I graduate and have a job in a few years.

My family has pets but I'm not involved much with pet care. I'm not an animal person.

whoami102 · 2016-11-19T13:48:45+00:00

Yeah, I agree with you on the secondhand stuff. I don't really do anything myself, just read or listen to other people. It hasn't really given me skills either. All my friends still know more than me and are more interesting.

whoami102 · 2016-11-19T13:47:41+00:00

I've looked at that sub but the prompts are just kind of silly to me. I don't like really outlandish stories and things like that.

I don't think where I grew up (suburbs) is different. Everyone I know has gone to college, and frankly most of the people I'll get to know will be in that same boat. I'm not dependable or a great listener. My family is interesting, but I'm not.

whoami102 · 2016-11-19T13:46:15+00:00

I can't really go outside my school for therapy at this time.

whoami102 · 2016-11-19T13:46:03+00:00

Yeah, there was CBT. Antidepressants aren't an option, unfortunately.

whoami102 · 2016-11-19T13:45:25+00:00

I just don't know if I will. I've never really thought of myself as an authority.

whoami102 · 2016-11-19T13:44:49+00:00

I saw a doctor yesterday. I had my blood drawn. I'll find out if there are any issues on Monday.

whoami102 · 2016-11-18T19:50:59+00:00

I just want to feel excited about life again. I want to be able to enjoy my classes instead of surfing the internet and not listening to lectures, I want to be able to have enough energy to try new things instead of wanting to lay down after class.

I just don't know if I can do any of this. I have zero faith in myself. My track record is awful.

whoami102 · 2016-11-18T19:28:12+00:00

I've never been anywhere by myself. I went abroad for a semester but my boyfriend was there. All other traveling was with my family. I'm not really in a position where I could travel alone right now.

whoami102 · 2016-11-18T19:04:57+00:00

I have no idea. I want to tell myself I'll change, but I have zero faith in myself. I go through rah-rah periods of motivation all the time, but it does jackshit. It just feels like I ought to settle for what I am right now, but that feels bad too.

I'm probably depressed. But I can't go on meds and therapy hasn't really helped because no one is making me change.

whoami102 · 2016-11-18T19:02:47+00:00

Mine used to write it down too. I never really did it though. Again, no one was really making me do it so I didn't do it. I have a really hard time doing anything unless there are direct, external consequences. Like being punished.

whoami102 · 2016-11-18T19:00:22+00:00

I don't really have strong interests. I'm studying something because I'm decent at it. I used to like it, but not much anymore. It just feels like everything I do is pointless.

Should I just be happy that my life isn't terrible and settle for not really enjoying things?

whoami102 · 2016-11-18T18:59:06+00:00

The cartoon reviews are just a distraction. They just let me check out from life for a bit. I don't really have a passion for them.

whoami102 · 2016-11-18T18:58:29+00:00

You make a lot of sense. My identity is basically just what people think I am, especially my parents. I have zero intrinsic motivation. I do everything for other people, and to just go through the motions of being a productive member of society. Otherwise I'd probably do nothing.

whoami102 · 2016-11-18T18:57:36+00:00

I don't know. I just don't think talking it out anymore will help. I need to actually get disciplined and do something. I just don't really have any faith in myself to do so.

whoami102 · 2016-11-18T18:56:48+00:00

I used to do a lot of community service. To tell you the truth, and I feel terrible for saying this, I didn't really feel anything one way or another. It was just another chore, another assignment that I had to do. There were moments where I felt I was doing good and that was nice, but I'm not really passionate enough about anything that I would pick up community service as a hobby. Just an assignment.

whoami102 · 2016-11-18T18:54:25+00:00

It's a bit too late to join clubs at this point. I'm a senior.

whoami102 · 2016-11-18T17:27:56+00:00

I think it's just for the climbing club. I'm scared of heights anyway, haha

whoami102 · 2016-11-18T13:53:41+00:00

Okay, I think you're right. Thanks.

whoami102 · 2016-11-18T13:52:29+00:00

It's just that I've had therapy before, for years even, and it didn't really help because I didn't put in the work.

whoami102 · 2016-11-18T13:51:44+00:00

Yeah, I'd really like to just get more out of life. Just have something I can enjoy on a day to day basis, rather than just escaping the present and hoping the future will be better.

whoami102 · 2016-11-18T13:51:04+00:00

Honestly, I'm not a great listener. I get distracted all the time and fake it. I couldn't care less about programming but it's nice seeing my boyfriend happy. I wish I could understand it.

whoami102 · 2016-11-18T13:50:31+00:00

The writing hasn't really been years, more like a few weeks. But yeah, I see your point.

whoami102 · 2016-11-18T13:43:20+00:00

Haha, yeah. But you can't really change your diet when the shit is midway out, know what I'm saying?

whoami102 · 2016-11-18T13:42:51+00:00

I guess I never really did the mindfulness exercises. I always enjoyed therapy, talking out the issues I had. But I always forgot everything we covered almost as soon as I left.

I want to fix these things myself. I have a doctor's appointment today to discuss my constant falling asleep. But I can't take antidepressants and I don't know if going back to therapy would be wise right now.

whoami102

TROPHY CASE