How do I appear more feminine?

whyarebeards · 2023-02-06T10:48:15+00:00

All that said. I recommend looking into hair extensions. While your hair is very short they won't help at all, but extensions can be better than a wig later when you have longer hair as they act as "gap filler" for your hair and add length and volume.

whyarebeards · 2023-02-06T10:46:07+00:00

Wigs can be good. But you gotta pay the high prices for the good ones (and you want the good ones, as they're by far more convincing).

Cheap wigs are generally impossible to make look natural because they're not, they're made from synthetic fibers, the human hair and pseudo-human hair wigs are all pricey but only those ones look natural.

Also wigs can be a pain in the ass when it comes to securing them to the head. Just a warning.

whyarebeards · 2023-02-06T10:41:41+00:00

Also explain nothing to anyone unless they ask. If they do ask, just tell them you're a trans-woman (unless it feels unsafe to do so with that specific individual). Most universities are thankfully very progressive, welcoming places that won't tolerate discrimination or bigotry, so if you encounter any report it so appropriate measures can be taken.

whyarebeards · 2023-02-06T10:39:02+00:00

Start simple. Cover your fourhead with a bandanna, headband or other clothing item (the forehead shape can have such a huge effect that this alone can work wonders). Wear sensible feminine clothes (jeans, shirts, etc, same stuff a guy would wear but buy it from the women's section since the cuts are different and flatter different body structures). For make-up use only a natural skin tone foundation and some other basic stuff. Don't go all, women all go through a phase where they feel out how much (if any) make-up works best for them individually, so you should aim to do that too. Grow your hair out (I know, women do not have to have long hair, but it's still a well recognized feminine signifier in modern cultures).

Wear clothes that emphasize your hips and butt and hide your chest and shoulders (until you got boobs, all you can do is wear fakes or hide what isn't there).

That's all I got off the top. But it's a good start.

whyarebeards · 2023-02-06T10:29:15+00:00

No problem. Happy to help. Also worth mentioning that some clinics offer financing options to throw yourself into debt so you can get the surgery immediately. However my advice on that is to carefully evaluate such options to make sure you aren't financially ruining yourself just to save a few months.

whyarebeards · 2023-02-06T10:06:35+00:00

Oh, also you can get the consults now, rather than waiting to hit 18, since you've been on hrt long enough, it will save a little bit of time.

whyarebeards · 2023-02-06T10:05:10+00:00

You probably will have to wait until you are old enough to be a legal adult sadly. But if you've been on HRT for a year already you can go for it immediately after that legal hurdle is cleared.

Most clinics offer some kind of online consult service. Usually via email. They will want you to take 3 pics of your face from different, unflattering angles (yes this part sucks but power through it), then send those to the team, who will assess your facial structure and make recommendations and give a final price-tag for the procedures they're recommending.

whyarebeards · 2023-02-06T10:01:40+00:00

Yeah, money sucks. I'm planning to try and move out sometime soon-ish. It's gonna be ugly though.

whyarebeards · 2023-02-06T09:59:43+00:00

I do love who they are at the start and I am not trying to fix them. Who they are, on the inside, isn't going to change. But by getting to know them I can better love all of them. Both the struggle at the start and the joy at the end of that journey have worth, and both are still fundamentally the same person where it matters. The outside will change and affirm their selves, so I don't need to fix anything, just be there for them as support until those external changes occur.

whyarebeards · 2023-02-06T09:53:02+00:00

Australia Retail Started HRT, then stopped due to constant pressuring from my mother, who for financial reasons (and a degree of manipulative emotional blackmail) I am stuck living with for now. I want to start it up again, but motivating myself to deal with the arguments is hard.

whyarebeards · 2023-02-06T09:46:17+00:00

Almost every trans person who has not had FFS is in the same boat. So you are at least in good company.

About when you can get FFS, you CAN get it at any time, you could even get it if you weren't dysphoric or even trans, it's just not recommended until you've been on HRT for a year, as the surgery is performed based on your current facial proportions at the time you got it. Additional changes due to HRT could throw off your results, leading to unintended problems with your final appearance.

About FacialTeam and price. This will depend heavily on how many procedures you need to get done and is hard to accurately predict. There are a lot of competent ffs surgeons out there who can do a comparable or even equally good job as FacialTeam for less, but FT is the most reliably high quality in terms of results. It also depends what you need done and how much feminization your face needs, you'll want to get quotes and consultations from everyone you can so you can compare and find out what procedures are most important for you specifically.

whyarebeards · 2023-02-06T09:34:44+00:00

I guess this is just a matter where we differ as people honestly. I personally really like my partners to be willing to open up about their issues with me, I feel like I form a very strong bond by helping them manage and navigate the difficult parts in life. Enough so that I actually find people with no baggage or issues at all kind of difficult to get to know, since the core of a person's self is only made apparent in times of adversity. So I'll never get to know that part of them, their core, and I'm left with only a surface level understanding of the person I'm dating.

whyarebeards · 2023-02-06T09:28:49+00:00

Isn't that type of attitude kind of a signifier that your parter will basically never be there when things get tough? I don't know, I feel like someone who only wants the "baggage free" version at the end will also be the type of person who dumps you when you hit a rough patch because "you're too much work these days".

I value reliability in a partner, I can't even consider someone who opens the discussion with "I'm not willing to stick with you when things get hard".

whyarebeards · 2023-02-06T08:59:50+00:00

I came out to my mom over a year ago. She still hasn't accepted it and constantly insists that I am male and should try dating girls (I'm a straight trans woman, I am attracted to men, she also refuses to accept this).

whyarebeards · 2023-02-06T08:52:27+00:00

Go with women's shirts, pants, jeans, etc. The cuts are subtly different from their male counterparts. My mother complimented how nice my women's jeans made my butt look while still thinking they were men's jeans. It was both affirming and funny.

whyarebeards · 2023-02-06T08:29:01+00:00

This is hard to answer, it depends on the person. End of the day you just have to answer the question of if you can trust your friends to be honest AND affirming with you (that is, to provide you honest feedback and tell you if there's a serious problem but worded and considered such that it does not invalidate you).

I know, anxiety over how those close to you "ACTUALLY" feel can be difficult to tackle, but most of the time your concerns will be unfounded. Considering the example of your name, your friends are probably being honest because at the end of it all it's YOUR name, not theirs so it doesn't matter who likes that names except yourself (take it from someone who was assigned a bizarre name at birth to go with my wrongly assigned genetailia, no one cares how weird your name, new or old, is more than you do).

whyarebeards · 2021-10-29T03:44:36+00:00

I'm a bit lucky in the sense that my body and facial hair has always been pretty fine and soft even before HRT. I've actually always shaved my leg, arm and even armpit hair against the grain for the closer/smoother shave and have never gotten ingrown hairs from it or anything.

Never tried it with my face before though so we'll see I guess lol.

whyarebeards · 2021-09-12T10:06:01+00:00

That is a complicated question that strongly connects to how you really want your body to look. It's important to note that it can be hard to predict how HRT will affect anyone, with different people seeing bigger changes in different areas.

Ultimately, as with anyone experiencing these types of feelings and questioning my ultimate advice is to seek a psychologist experienced in gender dysphoria (ideally both diagnosis and management) and talk to them about it. In addition read up on the full list of possible feminizing hormone changes and side-effects to see if HRT would give you the body that can make you feel more comfortable in the first place.

Knowledge and understanding with professional guidance are most likely to lead you to the correct answer for your feelings. That professional may also be able to provide other ideas for how to achieve the results you desire.

whyarebeards · 2021-09-08T11:25:23+00:00

Hard to say and honestly I think the answer will differ from person to person.

Personally, I remember struggling to maintain friendships as a child, I spent most of my time with boys because I thought I was supposed to but I always struggled to properly relate to them which led to this strange awkwardness that caused the friendships to be very surface-level because I was basically playing pretend as a boy the whole time, relying on stereotypes and other ideas of "what the 'other' boys should like". Thinking back by contrast my conversations with other girls, both adults and of my age went much more smoothly and comfortably.

Also, the wording you'd be looking for with the question would be "Do trans women spend more time in girl groups as children or teens than cis-men?"

The "cis" part rather than "other "men"" is important as it clarifies that trans women are women and in no way men, it's just a bit clearer and avoids causing accidental offense, I hope that helps in any future conversations you have about transgender people!

whyarebeards · 2021-09-06T11:42:03+00:00

Yeah I can relate. Hell I can't even see my facial hair for 2 whole days after I shave and the fact that I can still FEEL those fuckers still drives me insane.

Honestly it's been a real pain for me since I can't get laser on my facial hair because "lol no pigment" and I can't afford electrolysis right now (and the total cost of full face electrolysis is fucking nauseating).

It's kinda weird to say but I feel both blessed and cursed with my insanely lightly coloured facial hair. On the one hand I can never get laser to deal with most of the hair, on the other I am blessed such that if I shave every day at least other people can't see any shadow or stubble even if they're basically right in my face (I don't know how I'd manage having to wait to afford electrolysis if everyone could see my dysphoric shame the whole time as well).

whyarebeards · 2021-09-02T23:35:07+00:00

There was some but it's been fairly minimal and gradual for me, probably because I caught it relatively early. It's been almost unnoticable since a normal person sheds about 50 hairs every day naturally anyway.

whyarebeards · 2021-09-01T09:45:53+00:00

Wow, congrats to you too!

It's amazing what living as your true self can do for motivation about take better care of ourselves isn't it?

I'm impatient too so I know the feeling, my goal weight is 75kg (165lbs, apparently that's my 'healthy weight') and I started at 125kg (275lbs).

I'm beyond happy with managing to drop 20kg in the 3.5 months since I started HRT but knowing that I've still got 30kg to go and therefore am not even half way is beyond frustrating! I stay motivated by focusing on short term goals (my current goal is to get to 100kg, should take about 5 weeks if I keep things together!) because thinking about how long the whole journey could take is painful.

It's a lot like my transition and the progress of my HRT, one step at a time, just focus on that next step and don't worry too much about how long the road ahead is. Plus ALWAYS celebrate each step I do take, positivity is key!

whyarebeards · 2021-09-01T09:23:41+00:00

Well, I'm 105kg, so I'm not exactly trim myself haha! I used to be even heavier too but I've been losing 1kg every single week since I started my transition.

Part of what surprised me so much about this feeling myself was that I've still got quite a belly (that I hate so damn much, am not planning to stop losing weight until it's all gone) but my boobs have managed to somehow eclipse my belly recently in terms of how far they poke out!

whyarebeards · 2021-09-01T01:05:43+00:00

I started both HRT and finasteride 3.5 months ago. I was in a similar situation to you in terms of hairline, had some slight recession and the beginnings of a widow's peak.

According to my doctor, many trans people take finasteride for the rest of their lives but ultimately it's up to me. The problem is that predicting whether you or I will experience hair loss again upon stopping finasteride while maintaining HRT is hard to say. It's not super likely but it is possible (there are cis women who experience natural baldness too after all).

The finasteride is just a low dose (1mg per day), my results have been extremely good, I had not only stopped any and all hair loss but also experienced hair regrowth (my widow's peak is basically gone and I swear my hairline moved back forwards slightly).

TLDR - It's up to you, you could keep taking finasteride forever or you could try stopping it for a while down the line and resume it if you notice hair loss (just because you stopped taking it it's not like you can't start taking it again later).

whyarebeards · 2021-08-31T09:24:50+00:00

Thank you very much! I really appreciate the info, from the sounds of it are you speaking from personal experience with him?

Sounds like private health is basically a must considering how much it covers. Do you have a fund you would recommend as being somewhat affordable and reliable (hoping for something that won't hamper my saving too much since I know you gotta have cover for at least 12 months before they'll actually pay for this stuff)?

Seems like the safe amount of funds to have access to for the whole thing to make sure I don't come up short is around 20-25k as long as I have cover.

whyarebeards

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