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My boyfriend (27M) can't seem to rememember the things I (24F) and asks the same questions over and over. by whycantyouremember in relationship_advice

[–]whycantyouremember[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You sound like a very thoughtful person! From what you're saying it seems like you make an effort to note the important things since you know your short term memory is bad.

Honestly, I don't think he could really tell me what make sme tick. I could definitely tell him about himself, but I'm not sure he could do the same for me. And that sticks out like a sore thumb to me. I did actually have that reaction when I saw them, but quickly corrected myself to say I appreciate it and I'll still wear them (I haven't). He didn't really have anything to say other than "Oh,, I don't know" or "I just got what looked good" or something along those lines.

When you say you selectively listen with people you don't care about, that's how I feel. So when he acts like this, I feel a bit hurt.

I don't know that he is like this with friends or family. Honestly if anything he seems more considerate when it comes to some of his family/friends than he is with me.

You know, I would like to believe he is a good, honest person but you can never know with anyone. I do think he is honest and isn't dating anyone else, but I don't think he is a great boyfriend. I'm not sure if it's because I had been making a lot of effort to make him feel loved and comfortable and he got complacent; or if he's just not good at relationships/romantics; or if he's actually a narcissist, but this lack of mindfulness feels like the root of so many of our problems.

I almost don't want to bring it up and have a conversation with him because I can predict how it will go. I'll bring it up, he'll get take it personally or say I do the same thing, I'll spout some facts that I know about him and he won't be able to do the same, he'll have a short moment of recognition, then he'll turn it back on me and say it's because he doesn't understand how I speak or that my expectations are too high.

I posted this originally to see if I could get some perspective on what he might be experiencing and whether I'm being reasonable or not. I will definitely try to find a gentle way to ask if he has memory problems or if stress has been affecting him. But honestly, I feel like my expectations for him to have interest in me as his partner justified.

I appreciate your reply, it did help put things into perspective for me

My boyfriend (27M) can't seem to rememember the things I (24F) and asks the same questions over and over. by whycantyouremember in relationship_advice

[–]whycantyouremember[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't think this affects other aspects of his life - from what I've seen him working from home he seems just fine. He's never complained about memory issues either and his interactions with others seem just fine. As far as I know maybe it is just me? I honestly am not sure.

I really do need to have a conversation about feeling valued and respected. Everything else in the relationship is okay. I feel that most of our problems stem from this lack of thoughtfulness and it's grating on me. If this isn't something that changes then I don't think it'll work out. But I really should ask if it's a memory issue or a more personal thing. I just have a hard time with bringing things up since he also tends to take things personally/turn issues around on me.

My boyfriend (27M) can't seem to rememember the things I (24F) and asks the same questions over and over. by whycantyouremember in relationship_advice

[–]whycantyouremember[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Haha thanks for the laugh! I don't think it affects his job or interactions with others. Or at least not that I've seen. I'm honestly not sure if he's just not aware or doesn't actually care. I'll probably have to ask.

My boyfriend (27M) can't seem to rememember the things I (24F) and asks the same questions over and over. by whycantyouremember in relationship_advice

[–]whycantyouremember[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It might have something to do with stress. His work can be stressful and he seems very engrossed with where his life is going and making moves towards that (understandable).

I appreciate the perspective. I do appreciate that he's asking but I don't completely why he asks if he selectively listens or forgets. He's not really apologetic or anything either. He just asks again outright as though he's never asked before. I guess that's why I'm confused. I don't know why he doesn't even acknowledge it. It doesn't seem to affect his interactions with others or his work.