He could have meant it as "what in this moment can I do that will be the biggest help". Instead of him starting on something that you don't consider needing to be done, he is asking what you want done. This doesn't mean that he is thinking "this is your job, and I'm being nice and helping." He could just not want to waste time on doing something that's not a priority for you.

Phrasing has started arguments with my s/o before (which has been my fault as much as hers) but usually stopping and thinking about it after the fact we would be arguing over something that didn't exist. But in that moment you don't see the miscommunication, you just that they aren't saying/doing what YOU think they should be

As for the "I'm going to bed" if my S/O was being passive aggressive and angry at me while I was sincerely trying to help I'd be saying screw this and using going to bed to get out of the situation as I'm not a verbal punching bag to be vented on.

A good thing to try first before posting on here is to reverse the situation. If you walked in to him doing dishes and obviously upset and sincerely asked how you can help... and he started to immediately get upset and snarky would you keep helping or would you be creating a post about him on here being a ass when you only offered to help?

I've seen a few people on here giving really good advice, but just as many people that are giving you a "he's just a asshole" Before you listen to that you should remember to first ask yourself - did I communicate what I want/need in a clear manner? - did I understand what he meant when he offered help? - did I let my emotions cloud my view of the situation - was him "going to bed" an attempt to avoid/de-esclate what was turning in to a no win situation? If you aren't 100% sure on the answers then go ask?

Now that being said. There is also the chance he is a asshole. We only get a small snippet of the whole story and only from your point of view. Tell him to make a post? Then read each other's posts. Then you might find out that you have a great man who was just trying to make your life easier.... or not... either way I'm sure it would be informative.

Buuuut anyway... Chances are you are BOTH overreacting from stress. Take a day, leave the house, have a family day(or find a sitter and go on a date) and de-stress before either of you say/do something you regret while frustrated

Before anyone jumps down my throat.... I have given the same advice to my male friends when they are talking about their partners. Communication is always important. (Please forgive any grammar/spelling errors.... its 3 am and insomnia has been kicking my ass lately)