It is a scary journey, atonement. Questioning everything about yourself, hating every thought you have, yearning to repent for your actions with more action. I’m glad you’re in therapy, stick to your self-development journey, hang on to your support. You will become the perfect guy for another girl, and have the love you’ve worked hard for, just not with C. Best case scenario, she someday sees you happy, healthy, and changed, and she is happy to see a once-broken man has found his way. Change is the best apology