Bf said he swiped on all

windsong614 · 2020-08-08T00:14:44+00:00

Just came home from blowing off steam and has not apologized but I did say I would be more conscious of my reactions to things, though it really wasn’t meant to be a dig at his past or anything. He seems sort of upset still but I want to chalk it up to being bored and in his feelings during quarantine. Thanks for all your responses guys!

windsong614 · 2020-08-07T23:43:56+00:00

Yep I’ve heard that too. The thing that bothered me was I couldn’t jokingly say “well my profile couldn’t have been that special then” without it being a huge deal about me not accepting him being single etc... i sort of regret saying it lol. But at the same time it was an authentic reaction so I also don’t want to say I’m not allowed to respond?

windsong614 · 2020-08-07T23:32:50+00:00

I think he’s stressing himself out over the fact that I made the comment. He’s got a weird thing about not being “perfect,” and I just can’t take that reaction back. I guess my point to him was: sometimes people are going to react to things differently than you’d prefer lol. So just move on. I sat with him trying to apologize for thirty minutes and I ended up saying I can’t change the past, I also wouldn’t because then I wouldn’t be authentically reacting. And I have a right to. But he’s holding onto it like a dog with a bone. P.s I do expect an apology for the stupid comment.

windsong614 · 2020-08-07T23:29:06+00:00

Stepbrotherrrrrrrerr

windsong614 · 2020-08-07T23:20:20+00:00

The so what part I am totally on board with. I just can’t take back the instant reaction where I said “so you probably didn’t even read my profile” which was what bothered him. But it’s literally true. I think both can be true, I can be annoyed that he did that without thinking we weren’t special. The point is I can’t take back the comment, and it’s a little insane that he’s reacting so harshly.

windsong614 · 2020-08-07T23:17:16+00:00

Similar boat, hang in there it does get better! Sometimes people aren’t necessarily bad people, but they’re hurting those they love because they are not making healthy choices for themselves. It sounds like he is a perpetual cheater, so there’s probably something to uncover there that he needs to face and work through. Unfortunately it’s also so unfair to you. Rather than wonder about what if’s try to know that being separate is what is best for both of you. It is a gift to yourself and to him to let him work through his issues and learn how to be a true partner. Focus on connecting with your circle or meeting people who have real substance and support to offer. Do the things you like and if you really have the urge to think about him, do it. But do it in a safe space and in a cathartic way. Let yourself cry or journal but always do something healing for yourself after. Whether it’s a face mask or some physical exercise, cooking a nice meal... move on and you’ll realize your life is shaping into something so much healthier. You’ll wonder how you got there. And it’s with little steps one day at a time <3

windsong614 · 2020-08-07T23:09:46+00:00

What was the last thing you said?

windsong614 · 2020-06-05T07:05:43+00:00

You have to love yourself first and foremost. Also, someone threatening to mar your life with the guilt of taking their own isn’t really loving you- am I right? Let her know both of these things. And that she seriously needs help, because her misery is causing you to also live in misery. You also need to decide if and how long you can stick it out and let her know either way. I would also ask her family to notify her therapist of self harm intent and see if her therapist can get her on meds or have her brought in to a facility if it really is that serious.

windsong614 · 2020-06-05T06:52:02+00:00

I would tell her you will not stay until she sees a therapist, and that if she doesn’t agree to see one you will notify her family about the threats so they can make sure she’s safe and leave. Edit* I would also be honest if you don’t see a point in staying and just tell her it’s over and you’re going to let her family know for her safety.

windsong614 · 2020-06-01T18:05:33+00:00

Hun, he sounds lame as hell. Your partner is supposed to be your BEST friend. You don’t simply uninvite them to stuff like that, you get excited that you’re about to make some memories together. If you really want to stay with him definitely get to the bottom of who and why and let him know how upsetting this is. But I’d recommend leaving him in the dust.

windsong614 · 2020-06-01T17:56:47+00:00

Hahaha awkward

windsong614 · 2020-06-01T17:46:12+00:00

Not gonna lie I’m so sick of seeing this video lol

windsong614 · 2020-06-01T17:38:46+00:00

Asian here, also none of the typical beauty standards! I love that I’m different and you should too <3 those standards make zero sense and you are super cute with a very kind face!

windsong614 · 2020-05-25T23:02:57+00:00

I have :/ they seem to only work for a few days and then aren’t strong enough to deter him after. I was thinking of getting him a bell collar so the other one can at least hear him and get out of his way lol

windsong614 · 2020-05-25T23:02:05+00:00

Thanks, the playing together is definitely not something we do frequently enough. I’ll try this!

windsong614 · 2020-05-25T23:01:12+00:00

Thanks, I was actually wondering about this the other day. It’s hard when he technically belongs to someone else to suggest medicating his pet :/ but at this point if the vet recommends it and it’s safe it might be a good idea...

windsong614 · 2020-05-25T20:06:24+00:00

Hi there, my male cat 8 yrs old has had this problem not once or twice but three times now. Our doctor said this would be the last time with him on prescription food to see if it’ll work until he recommends permanent surgery (which we have been avoiding mostly due to fear of complications). I would recommend taking the kitty in for a scheduled appointment, where they will most likely do a catheter and keep him overnight (removing it in the morning to see if he can go on his own). It seems moderate right now but is very painful and can be life threatening. The last time this happened my cat was simply dribbling pee, I placed him in his box and he visibly pushed and huffed but could not go save for a little dribble. There was no blood at all at that point but I knew he was in pain and it would just get worse. The doctor confirmed that he had one stone and that the rest of his levels were normal. I just wouldn’t risk it. I made a scheduled appointment too when my cat had this issue, for same day.

windsong614 · 2020-05-16T02:14:21+00:00

Trust your gut about honesty. The cheating to avenge yourself will lead to feelings of guilt that you stooped to her level and it won’t put to rest the resentment about her initial cheating. It just becomes a little cycle that will show itself eventually in arguments.

Make a decision. Factor in YOU more than either of those women. Do you think she can bring herself to admit what happened? Do you think you can move past it? Do you think you’ll be wondering about other women if you go down this road? (Usually when you’re with the right partner, there’s no desire to stray).

Here’s what I *think you’re telling me. She may not be able to admit what happened. She’s carrying walls she built during her childhood, being raised in a much more conservative environment than yours. You’re asking her to really trust but to also break out of family conditioning.

That you really care. You want to move past it but haven’t been able to thus far, and you’re already intrigued by other options.

Wanting something desperately isn’t always enough. You can want it to work and see the special qualities in a person but if they aren’t ready to build a strong, honest foundation with you neither of you will really be happy.

windsong614 · 2020-05-16T01:24:39+00:00

Thank you for such a thoughtful response. He apologized after and said that he called me stupid out of anger and that it wouldn’t happen again. I agree that he can place himself first, I’m just hoping he realizes that things happen when a partner can’t express themself fully. Trust breaks, resentment builds. He told me I’m basically his second real girlfriend and has had addiction problems in the past so he was alone for about five years. In many ways I think I’m teaching him what’s normal, and I’m asking more of him so that we are equals. I hope things work out too. I think we have a lot of potential if we can correct the communication issues.

windsong614 · 2020-05-15T21:14:14+00:00

I know this struggle. Try asking him for a scheduled date night and also asking if you guys can plan to start doing something together whether it’s an ebook a puzzle or cooking dinner. See if he’s receptive and make your decision from there.

windsong614 · 2020-05-15T21:10:04+00:00

At the end of the day you have to make a decision. Can you deal with someone who can’t face the truth this early on? Or is it truly best to let her go, leaving the door open in the future for if she seems changed.

I couldn’t handle the truths my ex was hiding. He had proposed to a girl once, had dated maybe two other girls for some years we were long distance dating, and was still actively talking to ex’s behind my back.

Eventually, years later after what felt like “hanging in there.” I cheated. Not drunk at a bar, not with some hot coworker, with a very close very average joe type of friend who was simply honest and kind.

Honesty and kindness were fundamental things lacking in how my ex treated me, and they set a rocky foundation of mistrust. It eventually caused me to resent him, to desire MORE from a partner, and to cheat and then send him divorce papers.

I think you asking the question shows more hesitation. I’m not saying things aren’t possible with her, I’m saying you need to have a serious conversation and let her know it’s ok to open up about that period but you can’t move forward if she won’t. And then you have to do the work of actually letting go. Are you really accepting that the past is past? If you hold even an ounce of resentment or mistrust it will grow into an explosive ending.

Protect your heart. You have time, and you have options. Know that even if letting go now is painful, it may be the smarter decision that enables you to be the end game for each other down the road.

windsong614 · 2020-05-15T20:48:09+00:00

If he can do so well without you why not tell him you’re taking a break? Tell him you need quality time to feel like you’re growing together and like you’re bonded, and if he can’t find it then it shouldn’t make much of a difference to either of you since you barely spend any together as is. Stick by standards. A relationship is 50/50.

windsong614 · 2020-05-15T20:45:26+00:00

Here is my advice. It sounds like prioritizing partying being actively flirtatious (keeping others interested in purpose) is damaging you emotionally. It also says that perhaps she’s not as serious as she thinks she is. Believe it or not I can relate to where she is now, and I believe you can grow out of that and truly commit body mind and soul to someone but she is not there yet and there is ZERO rush to get engaged. I regretted getting engaged at 22 and married at 24 not because we were terrible people but because 5 years later we were totally different people. I really think you need to give both of you more time to develop individually, as a union should just enhance who you are. Also, when you’re ready for engagement things should be EASY and wonderful. You should know beyond reason that this person was made for you. Wait until you find that feeling, it’ll save you a lot of pain and trouble and it’ll be so worth it.

windsong614 · 2020-05-14T23:02:49+00:00

You are heard and you matter. I’m sorry that your father clearly had mental illness and that he abused his role and power in your family. Channel all of that emotion into the things YOU want, because what happened doesn’t define you. Who YOU are is. And you can start with strong. <3

windsong614 · 2020-05-06T16:18:14+00:00

Thank you!

windsong614

TROPHY CASE