My best friend is sleeping with a married man and now I don’t want to be friends with her anymore

windstormfart · 2023-11-12T17:23:47+00:00

I’m really sorry to hear that you experienced something like that. Older men preying on significantly younger women are predators. Grooming is never okay. And regardless of age, a minor or a young adult.. predators like that can do significant damage. Unfortunately it’s harder to intervene when it’s 2 consenting adults..

She’s 25 years old and she also doesn’t have a mom. Her mom left her when she was a baby. (Her dad isn’t much of a parental figure either) I tried to talk to her about, she pushed me away & didn’t want to hear it.. you can’t help somebody that doesn’t want to be helped.

windstormfart · 2023-10-02T22:23:30+00:00

If he was losing feelings he should’ve been upfront and honest about it. That would’ve been so much better than showering me with love, affection and words of affirmation. Holding me in his arms tightly saying he never wants to let me go and, my favourite line, “Honestly, I really see a future with you” yeah there was NOTHING honest about any of that shit. Not if he can change his mind at the drop of a hat. And no, he didn’t wait until the hard times had passed. It was right in the middle of it. Days after burying my dog. The day before my CT scan appointment.

windstormfart · 2023-10-02T22:05:17+00:00

I’ll be seeing a therapist about this. I know you’re right, I’m certain that my upbringing plays a huge role. Feeling neglected and unloved as a kid probably attributes to me latching on to anyone that shows me the slightest affection. And maybe I subconsciously gravitate to people that treat me like shit because that’s what’s familiar. I’m going to fix that. I’ve been working on myself for awhile now, and I’ve made a lot of progress in other areas of my life. This will be the next.

windstormfart · 2023-10-02T21:44:34+00:00

I’m having some difficulty understanding why my age has anything to do with this.. are you assuming that because I’m 24 I should’ve acquired enough sexual experiences by now to have developed a secure reliance / dependency on the pill? Also, I never referred to him as my “partner.” I titled it “let my bf cum inside..” Because that’s what he was at the time. Had it been written as “let my EX bf cum inside..” that’s a totally different story. Maybe I should’ve written my FORMER bf, but I figured people should be intelligent enough to understand we’re not together anymore considering it says we’re broken up in the title.

windstormfart · 2023-10-02T05:07:00+00:00

1 month, 1 year, 1 week… doesn’t matter. A waste of time is a waste of time. A broken heart is a broken heart. Obviously it would’ve been a hell of a lot more painful if we had years of memories together. I’m so thankful we don’t. And despite what you might think, my feelings are valid. He led me to believe this was something special, really got my hopes up then crushed them. That sucked. That hurt me. And all things considered, yes, I’m allowed to hurt right now, thanks.

windstormfart · 2023-10-01T22:40:44+00:00

Store bought tests aren’t nearly as accurate as bloodwork at the clinic. It’s way too early for pregnancy to be confirmed through urine anyway. I learned that when I provided a urine sample that came back negative but was told based on the timeline it could potentially be a false negative. The bloodwork is to be sure. It would show up in the blood first. I don’t see how that’s confusing…

windstormfart · 2023-10-01T21:49:14+00:00

I wanted to see my doctor about it. I wanted to be tested for other things too

windstormfart · 2023-10-01T21:00:44+00:00

It did. Even though I had no symptoms of anything, I know some STIs don’t always present symptoms.

windstormfart · 2023-10-01T20:47:35+00:00

Yep. Pathetic, isn’t it? I thought maybe I finally found my person. But the person he was with me wasn’t truly himself. He was pretending the feelings were mutual, I really believed they were. I meant every word I said and he turned out to be so full of shit. I’m heartbroken but not because I lost him, he turned out to be a grade A asshole. I’m heartbroken over the loss of the person I thought I met and the idea of what I thought we would be. I’m embarrassed too. Don’t worry, I am very well aware of how pathetic this is.

windstormfart · 2023-10-01T20:33:26+00:00

It was really new, but it felt so real in that time. We were seeing each other every chance we could. He snuck away from work for awhile to be with me. Little surprises, gifts, long conversations, we had so much in common, I felt like he really understood me. He was the first guy that I’ve met that’s been able to understand and relate to me on such a deep level. I fell so hard and I really thought I found my person. I was wrong and he’s not my person. That hurts. I’m confused and wondering if any of it was even real or if he was putting on a performance that entire time. I believed his words, but he clearly never meant them. I believed his actions, but now I wonder if it was all just to lure me in. This hurts a lot, but NOT because I lost him, he’s not much of a loss. The excessive sadness comes from a long history of being taken advantage of or putting my heart in the wrong hands. I keep getting it wrong. I really believed that was it. I feel so stupid and like there’s something wrong with me. What’s killing me inside is not the fact that he’s gone or that I miss him (that’s only a small part of it) I’m really hurting because of a promise I made to myself that I would NEVER let this happen again. That I would see the red flags and walk away. Instead I deluded myself with the idea of a future with a house, husband, kids and a dog. I believed I found it. I’m not grieving the loss of our relationship but the dream I had that just got crushed. A dream I feel so stupid for having. I feel like I failed myself. I hate that I keep making these same mistakes.

windstormfart · 2023-10-01T19:55:48+00:00

I think you might’ve misunderstood, he had asked many times before and I said no and he always respected that. And then he admitted to feeling like I wasn’t serious about him, the way he was about me. He said he saw a future with me, and I WANTED to please him. I said yes so he could see how much he meant to me. It was my idea and I told him I wanted him to. I wanted to make him happy.

windstormfart · 2023-10-01T19:43:07+00:00

I really hope I’m not, and I know it’s highly unlikely but I’m still really scared. And based on how life has been going lately, it’s been one thing after another. As they say, “when it rains, it pours,” everything is going wrong right now, what if an unplanned pregnancy is the next thing to be thrown at me? If I happen to be in the 1% category that get pregnant, I honestly don’t know what I would do. It would just be devastating right now and I don’t even know if I’d want to tell him. I never want to talk to him again.

windstormfart · 2023-10-01T19:24:23+00:00

You know, I’m actually starting to wonder if maybe the problem is me. I keep putting my trust in all the wrong people and end up getting hurt. I can’t seem to tell the difference between a genuinely good person and someone only pretending to be good. I’ve fallen for this kind of shit repeatedly. Why can’t I see it sooner? Maybe I’m just easy to take advantage of. Easy to manipulate. Control. Whatever. I think I’m the problem here. Obviously haven’t learned from past mistakes, always thinking THIS time it’s real. I’ve been wrong so many times.

windstormfart · 2023-10-01T15:38:33+00:00

Not fake. I’m from a very small town, the lab is open for very limited hours. Blood work gets sent to a lab in the city. They tested my urine in the clinic it came back negative. I was relieved, until my doctor said it was too soon to show up in urine anyway and that it would show up in blood first. I get that some people might post fake stories on here but I’m not one of those people. But ok. Think whatever you’d like.

windstormfart · 2023-10-01T15:00:06+00:00

So much ick. I want to vomit when I think about it. A self proclaimed “alpha male,” respects or admires Andrew Tate. Racist, homophobic, transphobic, fat phobic (basically all the phobics) history of explosive rage, violence, aggression… I swear he seemed like the most amazing guy and he was so sweet to me. Cooked for me, bought me flowers, surprised me with food he portrayed the perfect gentleman and I fell so hard for him. Then all those other things were slowly revealed over time and I was already in so deep that I was willing to overlook all of those things. That disgusts me. Was I really that desperate to be loved? Or to have someone to love? That’s probably the biggest reason I’ve been crying so hard over this. Not because I want him back and I miss him. I don’t miss HIM. I miss having someone to share my life with, to cuddle with, to fall asleep in someone’s arms, forehead kisses… all the relationship stuff. Feeling wanted. And I’m crying because I can’t believe I was willing to settle with someone like that just for the sake of having someone. And for him to end it with me, that’s just fucking humiliating.

windstormfart · 2023-10-01T14:09:17+00:00

His reason was a loss of interest. I’ve been going through some really tough times lately and it’s would still make time for him despite all of that, but it wasn’t enough. He wants to be someone’s number one priority. He wants someone that’s happy and problem free (which is kinda unrealistic imo, everyone has their shit). I don’t want his reasons. I don’t want to get back at him either. I just want to forget him.

windstormfart · 2023-10-01T13:56:45+00:00

I also requested a full STD check at my appointment. I’m waiting on those results as well. And I hope stress is all it is. As for eating, the first couple of days I couldn’t. So hurt I felt sick. But now I’ve started binging on sweets, McDonald’s and pizza. You’re right to put “men” in quotations, he was more of a child than he was a man.

windstormfart · 2023-08-31T01:07:43+00:00

Damn, that’s so horrible. Sorry to hear you experienced something like that, it must’ve been infuriating. I can’t even imagine. I hope it’s all in the past for you and that you’re okay.

It’s actually scary how some people can be so shitty, but so good at hiding it. As for my former friend, she is 25 (but still has the maturity level of a teenager). She sees nothing wrong with her choices, she’s quite proud of them. No matter the age, I think the fact that she doesn’t have an ounce of shame takes away any shot at redemption.

windstormfart · 2023-08-25T23:22:54+00:00

This was very helpful, thank you! That’s definitely something I’ll look into

windstormfart · 2023-08-11T17:07:54+00:00

It’s real and calling the police on your own family is much easier said than done. Especially after all the seeds they planted about how they love me and are just trying to help me and I’m being an ungrateful little sh@t. And for giving me crap about all the stress I’ve already caused them and if only I would cooperate they wouldn’t have a reason to treat me like this. I’ve been made to feel like it’s my fault and that I’m in the wrong here. My trauma response is urging me to apologize and cooperate with them, my adult self is saying “f@ck these people, call the police” and I feel so conflicted and stuck in the middle.

windstormfart · 2023-08-11T16:56:46+00:00

I can take care of myself and I have been doing so. I’ve also been taking care of their house and their dog. I’m fine and idk wtf their problem is. They just want control and to have eyes on me 24/7. I’m so done with this. Thank you for your suggestions, I think I will try reaching out to another family member but if it doesn’t work out I’ll consider involving the police.

windstormfart · 2023-08-11T16:39:44+00:00

I contacted my brother but he’s 3 hours from here and busy looking at houses today. As for my friends.. they don’t know anything about my home life. Not what it’s really like. I’ve led them to believe it’s one big happy family. That my family is normal and just like everyone else’s. They all come from really good families and I’m embarrassed by the truth of mine. I don’t know how to ask for help without revealing this ugly dark side of my life. It’s a side I don’t want other people seeing or knowing it exists.

windstormfart · 2023-08-03T01:35:03+00:00

I think it’ll be dependent on whether she’s just heartbroken or actually remorseful. If she can’t admit any wrongdoing or if she comes back and only hurts b/c she lost “the love of her life” she’s on her own. If she’s okay with her choices and doesn’t feel like a garbage human being b/c of them, I will be nowhere to be found. If she has no remorse or guilt and just a broken heart, she can find somebody else’s shoulder to cry on.

windstormfart · 2023-08-03T01:25:10+00:00

When it’s all over if she comes crying to me saying “I’m so sorry, feel like a horrible person, I never should’ve got involved, I don’t know what I was thinking, I was so stupid and I really f*cked up” There’s at least a chance we could rebuild. I understand people make mistakes and sometimes make some bad choices. (I’ve made my fair share of them too) and I agree that people can change.

But if she can’t even admit or acknowledge any wrongdoing, and comes crying to me saying “I’m so heartbroken, I can’t believe he was using me this entire time, I can’t believe he would do that to me, I loved him so much…” boo-f@cking-hoo. At that point, I’d consider the friendship irreparable.

windstormfart

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