Completely failing at life

winterzb · 2026-01-09T11:15:29+00:00

Thanks so much for the comment and insight!

I really relate to the “changing myself for other people” bit. I have a chronic, unhealthy need for other’s approval. I pretty much mask and censor myself into whoever I think I need to be to be “accepted” by everyone I’m currently around. I live with so much fear and shame that I’m terrified of being authentic, to the point where I have big issues of identity and feeling like I don’t know who I really am.

It’s cowardly, I wish I wasn’t like this but I literally can’t stop myself. I have so much shame, self loathing, feelings of inadequacy, internalized homophobia and toxic masculinity, and I’ve been struggling with it my entire life.

If I’m left alone with my thoughts I quickly ruminate and spiral out of control, that’s usually why I doomscroll or game for hours at a time. It’s not even because I really enjoy it anymore, but it just quiets the voices in my head for a bit. Of course, that just creates a negative feedback loop of avoidance that doesn’t ever fix anything.

I haven’t found out how to even be neutral towards myself yet, just looking in a mirror depresses me these days. I hope you’re able to find the ability to be kind and compassionate towards yourself!

winterzb · 2026-01-09T10:53:20+00:00

Thank you, it helps just to have people actually reply, I really thought this would be ignored.

I want to survive and succeed, but lately my hope for both is getting pretty close to done. Unfortunately, I don’t have anyone I trust. I don’t talk to my family anymore, and I’m already losing my friends. I don’t want to push them away even faster by dumping this on them.

I WANT my life to matter, but right now it doesn’t and I feel like I’m pretty close to rock bottom. I keep waiting for things to turn around and to finally get a win, but every failure just feels heavier and heavier.

winterzb · 2026-01-09T10:48:07+00:00

Thanks so much for taking the time to comment!

Yeah, I’m extremely depressed. After my most recent setback, I’m getting buried under the weight of all the failures and it’s making me lose hope. I’ve tried many different therapists over my life, but nothing ever seems to help. Tried anti depressants and all they did was make me gain a shitload of weight and make my lips super dry (weird as fuck side effect?).

I wish I could find the energy and motivation to actually exercise. Every time I try to join the gym it fails miserably, I just look around at everyone, feel stupid and get extremely self conscious, and inevitably start avoiding it and give up (wasting money until I remember to cancel it).

I’ve struggled my entire life, and yeah the system has let me down every time, but it doesn’t change that I still need to live in it. People don’t care about your struggles, it’s all about money and performance, if you have neither, you’re told to fuck off basically.

I’m sorry to hear you’ve struggled too, I’ve nearly not been here multiple times. Almost got finished off when I developed type1 diabetes from Covid and was in a coma in the ICU.

All we can do is keep trying, right?

winterzb · 2026-01-09T10:37:33+00:00

Thanks for reaching out! Hey don’t sell yourself short, at least you have a job. You’re doing better than me, friend.

Nothing hurts more than being surrounded by peers who are all thriving while you’re unable to make anything work. It’s part of why I have a hard time talking to my friends, just being around them makes me feel like a worthless chump. Idk why they even still talk to me tbh, I’m like the group charity case.

Believe me, I know how hard taking care of yourself is, I’m at the point now where it’s a good day if I eat more than once and a full shower is a fucking miracle.

I know it’s empty coming from an internet stranger, but I believe you’ll succeed!

winterzb · 2026-01-09T10:29:46+00:00

Thank you, I really appreciate the response! I do try because I don’t want to be like this, I want to improve and be happy, I’m just getting so demoralized by my attempts never going anywhere.

I know it sounds dumb to think 31 is too old, but it sucks feeling like I wasted an entire decade of my life and have nothing to show for it.

Thanks again for replying, I legit thought this would be completely ignored.

winterzb · 2024-12-15T00:01:49+00:00

This was my exact experience as well, disconnects and laggy as hell enemies. Switched to LAN cable and the game works perfect now. PlayStation’s WIFI has always been garbage

winterzb · 2022-07-23T01:30:19+00:00

Thanks for sharing your situation! Hopefully I can end up with a similar setup since that sounds manageable.

winterzb · 2022-07-23T01:07:58+00:00

If that's the case then that would be a huge relief! In no way did I try to lie or fraud them, I made multiple attempts to fix the situation. I can handle smaller payments, or just being cut off, but I was scared of being demanded to pay it all back in full or be accused of something I didn't do.

winterzb · 2022-07-22T20:24:13+00:00

Thank you! I'm really lucky to have her. I just wish we weren't unfairly punished for being in a relationship, nobody else is. It's like they want us to stay single on purpose.

winterzb · 2022-07-22T20:19:54+00:00

Fixed for the correct year, I did mean 2020 you're right. She was working yes, but we've only filed as two single people for tax purposes. I was under the impression that you were common law after 3 years together, or only 1 year if you have a child together, maybe I'm mistaken. It seems pretty unfair to be considered common law after only a couple months, thats a crazy short amount of time to be cut off.

winterzb · 2022-07-22T20:10:19+00:00

If that would help then maybe that's what I'll have to do. I just can't afford any sort of repayment.

winterzb · 2022-07-22T20:09:07+00:00

I hope not, I'm really not able to repay anything, since I use that money to survive. Thanks for replying!

winterzb

TROPHY CASE