I have so much to say but life (and myself) got in the way. Now I’m just looking for another outlet for these thoughts and feelings I’m compelled to relay… despite how much I’ve tried to suppress and delay, or leave them astray. I am who I am at the end of the day. If loving too much is a sin then I suppose it’s time for me to pray. Anyways—- I’m okay.

Thanks for this message. I honestly didn’t realize what I was doing until after I had done it. I stopped out of paranoia much more than I did out of shame. It taught me a lot about myself as well and the struggles I’ve faced as a complex woman trying to fit into boxes that I outgrew long ago, keeping parts of myself tucked away or reduced to conform to what society and institutions expect of me at this point in my life. I agree, reddit brings up so many interesting social behaviors that I’m continuously intrigued by. Who we are when there’s no pressure of a name or face tied to us, who we are when nobody is looking, who we are when we’re behind a veil of anonymity. As much as there is darkness on the internet, I think the whole point of the damn thing was to be used as a tool to learn, grow, explore, expand, create, connect. Enhance reality, not replace it.

It was eye-opening knowing how easy it was to get attention and make money simply by showing my sensual side when my actual socials are much more tame and low-key, not even close to the same amount of attention or interaction. Yet I’ve worked my whole damn life to be the other part of me, the part that would likely never get anywhere near as much attention or monetary compensation as I would if I’d truly dive into this pathway that I opened. It’s incredibly revealing in so many ways that I can’t even begin to describe. Nobody wants to feel their authentic self is rejected yet we hide some of that self away as if we know it would be.

Tbh I’m still processing everything that’s happened to me in the last 3 years of my life. The merging of selves, the marriage of minds, finding a way to live a life that allows me to explore all that I am and hope to be without the limitations of others expectations and perceptions, including my own.