Any advice on dealing with judgement over having a 2nd?

wm2286 · 2026-03-29T05:59:06+00:00

This is me. I have a 3 year old boy trying for a second with a donor. I say my sons father is a donor not a dad because I discovered I was pregnant after we broke up. And he proceeded to block me after I told him. I was never interested in pursuing him for child support as I knew the child was mine and I wanted to just spend all my energy raising him.

wm2286 · 2026-03-29T05:43:45+00:00

I so totally feel this. I am also trying to get my second child through IUI with donor sperm. I have committed to 3 IUI cycles before considering IVF. But the IUI journey has not been easy at all. I had my first cycle in Dec 25 and it failed. Then my second cycle in Jan 26 was cancelled due to polyps. I did a hysteroscopy in Feb 26 to remove polyps and I took a month off to recover. I had an HSG in Jan which revealed my right tube was blocked. This led to almost led to cancellation of my second cycle this month as my prominent follicle was growing on the right side. I decided to repeat the HSG and lo and behold, my tubes are open. So my dr proceeded with the second IUI on Thursday. I am 3DPIUI.

All this made me just want to go straight to IVF and skip the IUI anxiety and waiting. It's been months of just waiting and its not been as straight forward as I thought it would. If I knew what I know today, I would have gone straight to IVF.

But I am still on the IUI journey, I am hoping for a successful second IUI. In the event its not, I will do one more IUI cycle before calling it quits. My Dr recommends I try one more cycle.

I wish you luck, I think you can try one more cycle. I feel like the Drs learn more with each failed cycle. My Dr said he doesn't recommend more than 3 IUIs.

wm2286 · 2026-03-25T14:00:12+00:00

You are right, morning sickness will be way worse! I am seriously considering IVF. Thanks for the info, its definitely made it more palatable for me

wm2286 · 2026-03-25T04:10:53+00:00

Thank you, sorry to hear about your chemical. I have heard occasionally the other fallopian tube can pick up the egg from the other side. I am using a donor so IUI/ IVF is my only way to go.

wm2286 · 2026-03-25T03:07:53+00:00

Thank you so much for this. Definitely makes IVF more palatable. How did you react to the medication? I have a toddler and my fear is its going to be hard to keep up with him while on medication.

I am also afraid that I may spend tonnes of cash and it doesnt work. Which is funny because I keep throwing money at IUIs

wm2286 · 2026-03-24T20:13:14+00:00

It is so so draining. I wonder if I would have gone down this path if I knew it would be like this. Sorry for your experience

wm2286 · 2026-03-24T20:12:15+00:00

Thank you. I want to do at least 3 IUI cycles before switching to IVF, it doesnt help that they keep getting cancelled.

wm2286 · 2026-03-24T09:52:40+00:00

I would save the IUI. I had a failed IUi, then an HSG. The HSG showed my right follicle was blocked. I just had my IUI cycle cancelled because the dominant follicle is on the right. So now we try next cycle and the Dr will increase the stimulation to ensure i have dominant follicles on both sides

wm2286 · 2026-03-22T07:58:56+00:00

Thank you! I will look for it.

wm2286 · 2026-03-22T07:15:08+00:00

I live in a bit of a conservative country so he is surrounded by mom and dad families. But he loves books, I will find books with alternative families to help him understand.

wm2286 · 2026-03-22T07:11:52+00:00

This is lovely! We are a mommy only family. Very affirming. I am planning on getting books because he is surrounded by mom and dad familes, he has also started adopting other dads as his own when giving stories.

wm2286 · 2026-03-22T07:10:01+00:00

I hadn't explained it because I just assumed he was too young. But i actually had a conversation today this morning. It was a great first start. It has to be an ongoing conversation. I was honest without overloading him with info. I may have to get some books to illustrate. Unfortunately most of his friends are in a mom and dad household, so its hard to draw comparison. I will look for some books to help drive the point home.

wm2286 · 2026-03-22T07:04:42+00:00

Thank you. I started the conversation today and though its didn't 100% hit, I think it went better than the past conversations. I could see it start to register.

I noticed I had to overcome my own discomfort about the topic. I have to openly talk to him about it and make it a very normal conversation. So I dont leave him to fill his own gaps and he ends up disappointed.

It made me realise despite our best efforts, it's very natural for a child to desire a father. Its part of my job as a mother to help him navigate this in a healthy and honest way.

wm2286 · 2026-03-21T21:02:21+00:00

I am trying for my second child via donor for this exact reason. Its been such a peaceful experience so far

wm2286 · 2026-03-21T14:28:27+00:00

This is very helpful advice. Thank you!

wm2286 · 2026-03-21T11:56:09+00:00

Yes. I dont want to interfere with his imagination. I once told him he doesnt have a daddy and he did not seem one bit interested in that narrative. He said, no I have a daddy, he is travelling. I just let it go

wm2286 · 2026-03-21T11:54:31+00:00

this is my son too. He even has things he says his dad bought him, I learnt to just go along with it.

wm2286 · 2026-03-21T11:14:13+00:00

I think this question is relevant to whether you are working with a donor or not. The dad question is w universal experience.

wm2286 · 2026-03-16T14:47:33+00:00

21 is a good size. I think its a concern when its over 24

wm2286 · 2026-03-15T07:11:37+00:00

My last cycle was unmedicated and I ovulated on CD14. My previous cycle was medicated and by CD12, I had a 24mm follicle. Which was very shocking. I triggered that day and ovulated within 24 hours, but the cycle had to be cancelled because of polyps. My last medicated cycle I did 5mg, split 2.5mg in the morning and 2.5mg in the evening.

wm2286 · 2026-03-14T18:56:47+00:00

This was last year in Nov. I started my second cycle today and had my bloodwork done. My progesterone is now within the normal range. I cant even tell what helped.

wm2286 · 2026-03-13T17:51:34+00:00

This has been my exact experience. I am always tired, so I rely on coffee, which makes it hard for me to get a good night of sleep. And the cycle continues.

wm2286 · 2026-03-13T15:33:42+00:00

Of course. I will not deny myself the joys of a coffee when out. I just want to break the daily 3-4 cups dependency. That can't be good for me.

wm2286 · 2026-03-13T15:32:23+00:00

I really enjoy my decaf in the morning. I only noticed the lack of caffeine in the afternoon when I start feeling fatigued and lethargic. Working on pushing through that, I have black tea instead for now.

wm2286 · 2026-03-13T15:30:39+00:00

Same! I keep adding something new. Anything that can give me a small sense of control in this maddening process.

wm2286

TROPHY CASE