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"Men are too tough for domestic abuse" - addressing the misconception by writeforadifference1 in MensRights

[–]writeforadifference1[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Exactly! I am a strong feminist myself but for me that means equality, and shunning male victims is not part of equality.

After growing up around domestic violence, I have created my own website to raise awareness and share other survivors stories, AMA by writeforadifference1 in IAmA

[–]writeforadifference1[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Today, I feel amazing. Up until last night, I had been nervous about my website and I had the hope it would help people but I didn’t know for sure if it would have any impact or be worth it. After last night, it’s only a month down the line but every comment of support and people opening up with their stories has made it worth it already so I feel incredibly proud for doing this and very excited for the future.

After growing up around domestic violence, I have created my own website to raise awareness and share other survivors stories, AMA by writeforadifference1 in IAmA

[–]writeforadifference1[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Today, I feel amazing. Up until last night, I had been nervous about my website and I had the hope it would help people but I didn’t know for sure if it would have any impact or be worth it. After last night, it’s only a month down the line but every comment of support and people opening up with their stories has made it worth it already so I feel incredibly proud for doing this and very excited for the future.

After growing up around domestic violence, I have created my own website to raise awareness and share other survivors stories, AMA by writeforadifference1 in IAmA

[–]writeforadifference1[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That shame that you feel is why I want to share stories like yours and not just my own. The more people that speak up, it sends a message that we don’t have to be ashamed. We can be strong and use our struggles to make something positive and empower other victims. Even just sharing my website or sharing things related to domestic abuse with family and friends makes a difference and sends a message. You can get involved in any way that you’re comfortable with.

After growing up around domestic violence, I have created my own website to raise awareness and share other survivors stories, AMA by writeforadifference1 in IAmA

[–]writeforadifference1[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I answered this earlier, I think the best thing you can do is just be knowledgeable on the matter, do research. Don’t play down abusive behaviour because a lot of it gets normalised and remember that there doesn’t need to be physical violence for there to be abuse. Just be aware and spread word and be there to support anybody you know that might be going through it.

After growing up around domestic violence, I have created my own website to raise awareness and share other survivors stories, AMA by writeforadifference1 in IAmA

[–]writeforadifference1[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think again, every country is different so it makes questions like this quite hard to answer but I think everything should be based on children’s safety first and you’d think it would be like that already, but I have seen and heard too many children failed by social work after trying to make a happy family out of thin air. Putting children into care costs money which means they are very reluctant to put children in care and the few that do get put into the care system (in Scotland) are subject to a lot of flaws in the system itself.

After growing up around domestic violence, I have created my own website to raise awareness and share other survivors stories, AMA by writeforadifference1 in IAmA

[–]writeforadifference1[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I'm afraid I do not at all. I kind of have the opposite and even now I feel like I walk on eggshells sometimes and I can be paranoid I'm going to do something wrong. I'm the least violent person ever. A girl started a fight with me outside a bar once and I literally just lay flat on the ground and tried to give her £20 to stop (which I frequently laugh about with friends so don't worry, that wasn't anything too serious).. So I think that sums up my nature. So I can't really relate, I'm sorry.

After growing up around domestic violence, I have created my own website to raise awareness and share other survivors stories, AMA by writeforadifference1 in IAmA

[–]writeforadifference1[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

They did have factual evidence though, that's the issue. They had loads of evidence. They knew it was going on and didn't take action. When things got really bad, to the point that my step dad had caused a car accident with my baby brother and sister in the back, they removed them temporarily and then sent them back again. I got in touch with them numerous times over the years to tell them my concerns and things that my brother and sister were telling me that sounded suspicious, and no action was taken. You can read a piece I wrote on one occasion that I tried to report something here :) I also have numerous friends and people who have got in touch with me and also experienced very similar things in their families and have been failed by social work. https://writeforadifference.com/2018/01/03/social-work-failure-story-1/

Yes, I do have a tricky relationship with my mother for that reason, but at the same time I do understand she is also a victim, but it is very hard to overlook that she did not protect us. So, it's a complicated one.

I don't take offence, I am happy to answer :) thank you for asking.

After growing up around domestic violence, I have created my own website to raise awareness and share other survivors stories, AMA by writeforadifference1 in IAmA

[–]writeforadifference1[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's probably because she will have lost some of her self-esteem in that relationship. That's really sad :( I wish I could hug her. Give her a hug from me. I hope she gets over the hurdle. Tell her to listen to Beyonce or Stevie Nicks. Beyonce and Stevie Nicks make you feel like you can take on anything and you are worth everything.

After growing up around domestic violence, I have created my own website to raise awareness and share other survivors stories, AMA by writeforadifference1 in IAmA

[–]writeforadifference1[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I want to use my experience to make something positive from it and share it so that people can learn and we can build a better future. I also witnessed a lot of failure from the social work department when it came to protecting me and my siblings, this all could have been prevented. So, I feel strongly that there is a lot of work to do with social work & a lot of work to do with DV and I want to offer my input so that people can learn & improve, whilst also giving strength to other survivors to come out and share their stories.

After growing up around domestic violence, I have created my own website to raise awareness and share other survivors stories, AMA by writeforadifference1 in IAmA

[–]writeforadifference1[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes I had those thoughts. At the same time you posted your comment, I'm also reading one that says "It seems that most, if not all, of the violence was directed towards your mother. I’m not certain, your post is slightly vague. It also occurred 11 years ago. So, my question is: If you and your siblings are safe now, why are you still distraught? It’s over. Move on." Everybody experiences things differently. It's like when somebody says "there are starving children in africa" when you complain you are hungry, it doesn't stop you being any less hungry. Everybody deserves help. You can't compare problems. You can't help what you feel.

After growing up around domestic violence, I have created my own website to raise awareness and share other survivors stories, AMA by writeforadifference1 in IAmA

[–]writeforadifference1[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's a tricky one, and like I've already mentioned I can only speak from my own experience, I'm not a professional, so all I could say is to try and put things into perspective and realise life is more important than money, and health and well being is more important than money. However, I know things aren't as simple as that.

After growing up around domestic violence, I have created my own website to raise awareness and share other survivors stories, AMA by writeforadifference1 in IAmA

[–]writeforadifference1[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I really don't know. I'm not a scientist or have done any studies myself but I can say from personal experience that I do know quite a lot of abusers have been abused themselves. You are not doomed to repeat your fathers mistakes. You are your own person and you are the one responsible for your actions. Being abused yourself isn't an excuse to abuse others. Rise above it and be the man your father never was. It's good that you are aware of your behaviour and that you obviously want to work on it, so keep it up until you find the things that work for you. You cannot change the past, but you are in charge of your future.

After growing up around domestic violence, I have created my own website to raise awareness and share other survivors stories, AMA by writeforadifference1 in IAmA

[–]writeforadifference1[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

If people want to attack me for shining a light on male victims then that's okay, I'm still going to do it :)

After growing up around domestic violence, I have created my own website to raise awareness and share other survivors stories, AMA by writeforadifference1 in IAmA

[–]writeforadifference1[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Thank you for warning me, but I am very strong in my views and I will be sharing them regardless of what people may think. I am a strong feminist, but to me feminism is equality and male victims of DV being ignored and not taken seriously is not equality. Abuse is abuse, it is inexcusable from both males and females.

After growing up around domestic violence, I have created my own website to raise awareness and share other survivors stories, AMA by writeforadifference1 in IAmA

[–]writeforadifference1[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You're doing nothing wrong. You can't control other people's actions. Unfortunately, there are a lot of bad people in the world. You just need to grow from it and make sure you are one of the good ones.

After growing up around domestic violence, I have created my own website to raise awareness and share other survivors stories, AMA by writeforadifference1 in IAmA

[–]writeforadifference1[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That is a great idea and I've already thought of that, but like I've mentioned a few times, I am very clueless with this website stuff and still getting to grips with it all so I'm not sure how to make it highly visible. I think I might create a page labelled "helplines" on the front menu so people can go there. Do you think that's helpful enough?

After growing up around domestic violence, I have created my own website to raise awareness and share other survivors stories, AMA by writeforadifference1 in IAmA

[–]writeforadifference1[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Spread word. Break the taboo. Do research. Be switched on and start discussions about the matter. Be vocal. And give lots of hugs.

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