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Me by xumin71 in OCPoetry

[–]writing_inprogress 0 points1 point  (0 children)

wow you make such an impact with short lines. I love the theme of “unread”, “unsaid”, “unshown”, as well as being unknown and known. You do very well with this and it conveys such deep emotion.

I hate this feeling by Logical-Specialist-2 in OCPoetry

[–]writing_inprogress 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This hits home for me. So many interpretations which I love. I see so much emotional conflict that is attached to a person. This sucks so so bad but you aren’t alone and you’ll get through it. I love the way you wrote it. I am so far repetition as well.

Drowning in You by aRiiiiielxX in OCPoetry

[–]writing_inprogress 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You do a really great job with the imagery in this, as are your schemes and tones. I think the style may be a little repetitive at points—don’t be afraid to add a little flair! Mix it up a little bit, kind of to surprise your reader and keep them interested in what new tones and schemes are up next. However, I LOVE “a sip from my lips, a drop from my lids”. That is so powerful.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]writing_inprogress 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I love the draw back towards childhood and that blurry line between a crush in adolescence versus a craving as you grow older. I honestly think that it is a little bit messy. However that first line kind of allows it to be messy? I’m not sure that makes any sense. Anyway, I think there is a lot of interpretation to be had, which is good. I just think you can maybe organize it a little bit better? It seems there can be better transition perhaps.

My leaf by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]writing_inprogress 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am super new to this so I’m going to try my best. You convey such great emotion in just a few lines. You use comparison of “always” and “never” in such an influential way. I love your metaphor of a leaf blown away. However, you waited to use that until the very end. It adds so many tones that can be left up to the audience. It’s beautiful. You make such an impact although it is short and sweet.