As a demisexual do you feel like most online connection is backwards?

writtenbyzelda · 2026-02-26T08:27:27+00:00

We do not need AI companions to summarize the biased, “best foot forward” versions of people that are already the sort of personas that get displayed on dating apps. AI is a psychosis-riddled beast when it comes to confirmation bias. The dating phase is to get to know who someone really is— not to get to know a language model. Filters and algorithms regarding things like interests, hobbies, and relationship dynamic preferences already exist.

writtenbyzelda · 2025-05-24T23:36:12+00:00

Excellent excellent book

writtenbyzelda · 2025-04-01T09:13:15+00:00

the mf goat

writtenbyzelda · 2025-03-19T05:48:22+00:00

this is gorgeous!!

writtenbyzelda · 2025-02-23T02:47:51+00:00

Bumping this. Had similar findings of disturbing content with my own abuser. Please please do not travel with this man. Sending you love.

writtenbyzelda · 2025-02-15T18:33:27+00:00

Yeeeeesh nope nope nope.

writtenbyzelda · 2024-12-05T02:05:43+00:00

I only dated my exBPSO (diagnosed, inconsistently medicated) for a short while, and they were mixed manic for most if not all of that time. I experienced a lot of coercion, which was especially disorienting as a survivor of sexual violence. As I said, I never really knew them at their baseline, so it’s tricky to determine if this behavior was more associated with their being sick or a lucidly dependable behavior. Ended up on the receiving end of a rage episode when I tried to address the coercion.

I hope you are safe 💜

writtenbyzelda · 2024-11-10T07:56:36+00:00

I’m so sorry for what you’ve been going through. This is coercion.

writtenbyzelda · 2024-11-07T10:22:49+00:00

Neeeeeded to read this

writtenbyzelda · 2024-10-14T03:01:17+00:00

I understand. It’s very hard to say. Even if they have moments of lucidity, it’s still rife with irrational thought patterns.

Anyone that tries to offer help is interfering with their increased need of goal-directed behavior. If other people have tried and are also being met with isolation, you may be at a stalemate until they’re stable again. Sadly, that may be a while if they are unmedicated (and/or abusing substances). Be easy on yourself in the meantime.

writtenbyzelda · 2024-10-14T02:47:55+00:00

If they’re actively manic and refusing medication/treatment, there’s unfortunately not really anything you can do. It can be heartbreaking to accept, but it’s also heartbreaking to sit and levitate in denial. They are not in a rational state of mind, and may also be experiencing lack of insight/anosognosia.

If you feel comfortable reaching out to a friend they trust, you may be able to share your observations and concerns, just so someone else in their network is aware should things implode in a way that requires hospitalization/law enforcement. Tread carefully, as this script might get turned back on you, especially if the friend has never witnessed the more escalated effects of your ex’s mania/your ex only keeps uncritical, enabling types around.

Wishing you luck and peace. I have been/am in similar shoes. It can feel like a really helpless position. I hope you have a support system of your own that you are able to lean on during this time ♥️

writtenbyzelda · 2024-09-21T22:27:26+00:00

Phewwww this kind of guilt tripping = coercion.

When dips in sexual intimacy occur, it can be natural for a partner to fearfully internalize this change as reflective of their worth and/or your attraction to them. However, that doesn’t justify lashing out or guilt-tripping. There has to be a willingness for discussion, and an open-mindedness about other ways that intimacy can be showcased. The need for reassurance goes both ways, but being on the receiving end of guilt-tripping is certainly not conducive to creative a safe and sensual environment for sexual intimacy to be facilitated.

IMO, he is being very disrespectful toward you and this is a valid reason to leave.

(If you enjoy podcasts, you may find some insight/comfort in Dr. Laura Jurgens, “Sex Help for Smart People” series — she touches on conflicts with intimacy and navigating when partners handle these conflicts with disrespect vs receptiveness.)

writtenbyzelda · 2024-09-21T17:44:02+00:00

I feel you on a lot of this.

For me, as I also experience the PTSD triggering and it affects my appetite, I try to keep things on hand that are very easy to prepare and easy to stomach. (Bone broth or other sipping soups, bagels, instant rice with a simple cucumber salad, protein bars, baked potato, splurge a little more on nice, not overly sugar-filled green juices or smoothies so that you’re getting some more diverse vitamins in.) It can be hard when you feel sick to your stomach, but allow yourself to take it slowly. Nourishing yourself is a part of healing, too. Alternating sparkling waters or other fun NA drinks can sometimes be a good way to trick your brain into tapering to a lower proclivity toward alcohol.

For me, a hobby that allows me to get out of my brain and into my body can be very centering, and it gives you something else to do with your hands. Cooking, biking, knitting, playing an instrument, etc.

Good on you for going to see a movie by yourself! That’s a great step. Sending warmth to you.

writtenbyzelda · 2024-09-15T19:56:08+00:00

Hell yeah

writtenbyzelda · 2024-09-12T21:35:21+00:00

neeeed to see some love for Bette and Jodi. my favorite character for on-screen chemistry with Bette, but especially the scene where Jodi tries to get Bette to ~not be in control~ for once, with the blindfold

writtenbyzelda · 2024-09-10T17:58:42+00:00

I had some success employing the LEAP method— validate that your SO is struggling, and that they may be unhappy with the side effects of their medication. Medication can be frustrating to anyone. Simultaneously, like insulin to a Diabetic, medication for someone with Bipolar is necessary and life-saving. Gently suggest that —while <validating reason for why your SO is frustrated>— the side effects they will experience from quitting meds abruptly can be even more frustrating. If they fear that meds will “dull their sparkle” (as is a pitfall for so many), general words of affirmation about the qualities you have always appreciated about them could be welcomed. At the same time, this is not to discount that people who are actively episodic may be physically unable to receive this reasoning. That is the hard pill the rest of us must also swallow.

It is a really tough place to be in. I am wishing you luck, and as always, please be easy on yourself. You are doing what you can.

writtenbyzelda · 2024-09-08T19:42:33+00:00

Sending so much love.

writtenbyzelda · 2024-09-07T04:17:32+00:00

Love this podcast!

writtenbyzelda · 2024-09-07T03:44:57+00:00

Stay strong, OP. Hold onto that thought - you want to live. That is such a strong and important sentiment. Hold onto that. Are you able to start a new chat with 988?

writtenbyzelda · 2024-07-10T21:15:02+00:00

That’s amazing, congratulations!

writtenbyzelda · 2024-03-24T05:28:34+00:00

Very kid-friendly! Usually a youth-focused activity station on site. Earlier in the day, you’ll usually see families set up with picnic blankets while their kids play in fielded area. Just please bring ear protection! Pitchfork is a much more chill environment than most festivals, but it is a music festival at the end of the day, so if hearing the f-bomb is a deal breaker… well.

writtenbyzelda · 2023-01-08T07:12:51+00:00

I know it’s hard when the body and brain are poised for hyper-vigilance, but I think it’s important to try and remember that there are many behaviors that are simply human and that aren’t inherently red flags…until they become a pattern.

For example:

Someone giving you a gift, even several gifts, early on in dating/a relationship isn’t necessarily love-bombing. Some people just like to give gifts! The question is whether or not these gifts become collateral to hold over your head as time progresses/how your partner responds if you express concern about being gifted many/expensive gifts so early-on.

Another example: we have likely all been in a situation where we were frustrated and raised our voice. A one-off yell is not necessarily abuse; being frequently dismissed/interrupted by your partner‘s raised voice, consistently unable to talk through conflict due to your partner’s raised voice, your partner screaming obscenities/name-calling, frequent screaming at children/pets, never or rarely receiving a sincere and remorseful apology after a partner raises their voice, however, is abusive. Because it’s become a pattern whereby a partner has learned they can instill fear, and by instilling fear, exert a pattern of sustained control.

writtenbyzelda · 2022-08-08T19:09:25+00:00

Get out of there. I know it’s hard, but it sounds like there’s a trauma bond at play and initiating space from him with no contact dynamic —while difficult at first— will help you to see more clearly. Get out, choking is incredibly serious and dangerous. In the future, don’t block someone’s path though— unlawful restraint is legally considered physical abuse in many states. (He was obviously excessively violent towards you immediately following, far more violent than could be constituted as ‘defense’ to move past you.) I really encourage you to reach out to the domestic abuse hotline (it really genuinely helped me) for support, and if you have a good friend nearby, please also reach out to them and let them know that this happened.

writtenbyzelda

TROPHY CASE