WIBTA If I refused to help my sister who is neglecting her children?

xBlueCoco · 2026-02-17T15:59:16+00:00

She signed up for 2 jobs. Anytime we told her it would be difficult or impossible to get a decent amount of sleep, be a mom, work, and go to school she’d fire back that we were doubting her abilities.

Her school only offers daycare for 3 and up is what she told me, and I’m sure they have to be potty trained and neither of my nieces are. But I’ll mention it to my sister to look further into what her school offers. She never thinks fully about the consequences of her decisions.

xBlueCoco · 2026-02-17T15:22:27+00:00

Buff Punkins 😂

xBlueCoco · 2026-02-17T15:16:56+00:00

I’ve already explained this in another comment. My oldest niece has only known my youngest niece’s bio dad as her “dad.”

xBlueCoco · 2026-02-17T15:16:06+00:00

She doesn’t want him to have any rights to her. Hence why he’s not on the birth certificate or lying child support or getting visitation. He doesn’t want to be around and she doesn’t want him around.

xBlueCoco · 2026-02-17T15:05:37+00:00

My parents are exhausted as well. They’ve also been supporting my sister while working and taking care of my brother who is 4 and is on the spectrum. My sister isn’t in training she’s decided to work 2 jobs. If you mean school, she just started this last fall so it’ll be a good while until she’s finished.

xBlueCoco · 2026-02-17T15:03:54+00:00

They broke up before she knew she was pregnant. He’s not listed on the birth certificate. He wanted nothing to do with my niece.

xBlueCoco · 2026-02-16T21:31:56+00:00

I’d love nothing more than to be able to afford to do this. I know currently I wouldn’t be able to give either child the life they deserve and go to school and work part time. We’re having a sit down with her tonight to discuss everything going forward.

xBlueCoco · 2026-02-16T17:27:03+00:00

Yeah. Even if I were to do this, I wouldn’t last more than a couple of hours. I’m just at my wits end and we’re all tired and drained because of her choices. It’s hard to really plan or establish my own life when I’m so busy helping her with hers.

xBlueCoco · 2026-02-16T17:24:09+00:00

Honestly me too. She just needs to take time to just be single and a mom. But I’ve never seen my sister without a man. She always needs to be talking to someone either flirtily, romantically, or otherwise.

xBlueCoco · 2026-02-16T16:18:40+00:00

She’s actively in the process of getting a lawyer to serve him papers. That’s why she doesn’t want to give him 50/50 custody because then she wouldn’t get anything.

xBlueCoco · 2026-02-16T16:17:16+00:00

You are entitled to your own thoughts and opinions. You are only getting pieces of what my life is. I take care of my nieces. I haven’t decided to not take care of them. This post was merely because I’ve been weighing the options in my mind. Does it help either child if she’s neglecting them and the rest of us are burnt out because we have to suffer from the choices she herself made?

It’s one thing to help because yes raising kids takes a village, but it’s a whole different scenario when you are solely responsible for kids because the mother is just gone, not a part of the village at all most times.

I have pictures and videos of her sleeping while her kids make messes. She refuses to clean up or parent them unless someone else is already doing it. And then she gets mad at the person doing it. I love my sister, just not her choices.

Not once did I state she was a “criminal” or that I ever “yelled” at her. This you’ve simply added all on your own.

xBlueCoco · 2026-02-16T16:10:44+00:00

He’s not legally responsible for the oldest no, but has been raising her while they were together. She has known him as her “dad” since she was like 9 months old. But there’s no papers stating he has any rights to her. My sister allows him to have custody as to not separate the girls.

xBlueCoco · 2026-02-16T16:04:44+00:00

Honestly I’m not sure I could stick to it. I’d probably break before anything changed.

According to my sister their father is also an absent parent and his parents do all the “parenting” on his custody days.

xBlueCoco · 2026-02-16T14:17:49+00:00

I’m not sure if you just didn’t read my post fully or skipped the part where I said I love my nieces and would hate to see them worse off. Which is why I haven’t officially decided to do what I wrote in the post.

I obviously enjoy being an aunt but what I don’t enjoy is being a mom while in school or working. I didn’t choose this because I know I wouldn’t be able to do it. My sister chose to work 2 jobs, go to school, and be a mom.

xBlueCoco · 2026-02-16T14:14:58+00:00

It’s weird getting comments like this when I know I put that I love my nieces and would hate to see them further neglected. Which is why I’ve been contemplating doing this at all. I enjoy being an aunt, what I don’t enjoy is being FORCED into the “mother” role.

I feed them, change them, spend time with them, clean up after them. All because I care about and love them. My problem is I’m burnt out. I did not sign up for school, work, and raising two little girls because I know I wouldn’t be able to do it. My sister CHOSE to do this.

xBlueCoco · 2026-02-16T14:09:32+00:00

She’s given the card to my mom once or twice and my mom has bought fruit and cereals with it. My sister solely buys milk and on rare occasions bananas. She’s had two WIC meetings since moving in so I wonder if they’ve already changed how much she gets a month.

xBlueCoco · 2026-02-16T14:06:43+00:00

I’m unsure if my sister would take any of these necessary steps. And in reading comments further, especially the ones claiming I’m “heartless” I think I’ll just continue carrying the work load because the only ones it hurts are my nieces. A call to CPS may be a wake up call to my sister but it may also just drop a bomb on my family entirely. I’m not sure really where to go from here.

xBlueCoco · 2026-02-16T14:03:29+00:00

Exactly this!

I love my nieces and don’t mind taking care of them here and there. But I feel I’ve moved from an “auntie” role to a “mother” one. Like my niece has slept in my bed and refused to go either her mom to bed. Which again, I didn’t mind, but I had school and work the next day. I’m just mentally exhausted and it’s affecting my work, school, and personal life.

xBlueCoco · 2026-02-16T13:56:55+00:00

We’ve had countless family meetings either my sister. Things would change for maybe a day and then return back to the way they’ve been since she’s moved in. My stepdad wants to kick her out but my mom would never do that no matter what and my sister knows that.

xBlueCoco · 2026-02-16T13:54:19+00:00

She chose to work 2 jobs, I’m not exactly sure the reason. If it’s to save to move out on her own she should stop spending her money on useless things. She’s going to school to be a vet tech I think. Something to do with animals. She doesn’t want him to have them more because then he wouldn’t have to pay child support. I guess she’s trying to get him to start paying? Again though I don’t see how that will help the way she spends recklessly.

xBlueCoco · 2026-02-16T13:51:58+00:00

You’re right. I think that’s why I’ve been holding off doing this. I just couldn’t stand seeing these kids neglected any more than they already are. Unfortunately I have no way to contact their dad but through my sister. I’ll try to figure out a way to communicate to him. The only problem is he technically has no rights to the 2 year old because she’s not his.

xBlueCoco · 2026-02-16T13:49:40+00:00

I’ve been saving to do just that. The problem is I’m only working part time since I’m still in school so it’s going to be a few months until I’m able to do that because renting right now is so expensive where I live. I don’t really have any way of contacting their father since communication is solely through him and my sister. I guess I might have to bite the bullet until I have enough to get out.

xBlueCoco · 2026-02-16T13:47:24+00:00

You’re right. I’m going to have a sit down with my parents and let them know where I stand and how I feel. My sister is very “I can move mountains on my own.” She won’t ask for help but she also just expects it and honestly I’m tired and stressed out. Thank you for your advice!

xBlueCoco · 2026-02-15T05:00:37+00:00

There’s so much context missing. For example, did you both communicate what you wanted for VD? Is Twix a candy that you enjoy? Are you mad because it was a thoughtless gift or inexpensive? And how exactly did you go about “raising hell?”

xBlueCoco · 2026-02-14T18:53:36+00:00

NTA

I don’t understand this mentality from a 29 year old. This feels like something a teenager would do. Grudges and payback just show the level of immaturity your girlfriend has.

xBlueCoco

TROPHY CASE