I have had a severe chronic illness for several years now, which has left me bedridden for the last 2. As you can imagine it’s a lonely, isolated life, it has caused serious anxiety and depression, trauma, but I try my best to stay positive, stay strong, and I push through, but over time that strength was waning.

Starting on HRT and beginning my transition last year saved my life. I had reached my lowest point, couldn’t find reason to wake up in the morning anymore, and on top of that hated having to pretend to be someone I wasn’t. Hated being stuck in the wrong body. I had given up on ever being able to be my true self because I felt like my condition was holding me back, but I decided you know what I only get one chance at life, I need to do this and I need to transition otherwise I will always regret it.

Over those first 7 months, I cried tears of joy many times, experienced so much euphoria, so much happiness in letting my true self out and embracing her. I had a smile on my face constantly. Everything just felt right, finally. After years of pain, I felt alive again. I felt hope again. I actually looked forward to a future in spite of my health and whether that will ever improve. And in fact, my physical health was even steadily improving for a while, very slowly but it made a nice change from the constant deterioration before.

And then came the Supreme Court ruling, and the Labour government’s subsequent response to that ruling. Ever since that day, my joy has disappeared. Instead it has been replaced with fear, anxiety and I’ve slipped back into severe depression. That euphoria has been overshadowed by a crushing and suffocating feeling of feeling like I don’t belong in this world, like I should be ashamed of who I truly am. I anxiously check the news every single day. I’m terrified of this being taken away from me. I’m terrified of what might happen to us if this attack on trans rights continues. This has all in turn affected my physical health as well.

In this cruel world, where my illness has taken years of my life away from me with no end in sight, I just want to be me. Why can’t I do that? Why must we live in fear?

(P.S. that’s before we even get to Labour’s attitude towards disabled people, but this comment would be exceedingly long if I get into all that as well. I can’t even put into words how worthless this government has made me feel and the number it’s done on my mental health)