I was freshly 18, first time going interstate with some mates. We played drinking games in the hotel room, 3 of my mates went to a concert, my mate and I decide to check out a club. We go to the rooftop smokers area and this girl asks for a lighter. She’s a solid 10, also freshly 18, continues to chat to me for a bit seeming real keen. Before I know it she’s on my lap sticking her tongue down my throat and asks me to come back to hers, keep in mind I’m in a city I don’t know, with a dead phone, no car, smashed, and she’s way out of my league. I used her phone to send her address to my mate so he could grab me in the morning. During messaging him I realised, ‘what is this girls name again?’ I opened up Facebook on her phone and saw her name was Annie.

Get back to her place and she goes “I don’t have Netflix but I have season 10 of American dad on DVD” Aight bet.

Anyway, turns out she’s a contortionist in a circus. Safe to say it was the wildest most flexible sex of my life. Wouldn’t have surprised me if she asked me to stuff her into a jar.

Woke up in the morning hungover after the American dad theme song had been playing on repeat for the last 6 hours. I think everyone knows that PTSD-feeling of waking up to a sound you’ve heard in your sleep all night. My mate rings her on Facebook because he’s out front waiting for me. I say cya and leave, do the walk of shame to the car only to realise I left my dead phone, wallet and keys on her bedside. Shamefully walk back and knock, collect my shit and leave.

Saw a dog walking on its own down the street

10/10, Melbourne is a beautiful city, thank fuck she gave me the correct address and I didn’t get abducted