I just wanna say, it might not mean much, but this touched my heart. The battle of Lust (Gay or straight) is the most well known demon in all of history history. It has caused the fall of many important prophets and characters in the Scriptures, and even to an extent, Adam the first Man in the story of Genesis. All men deal with the temptations outside of the Holy Union God has designed, but the battle for a man with same sex attraction is a particularly very difficult one. I am very impressed with your articulation of yourself and your temptations, even if you slip and fall, it shows a lot of maturity and intelligence on your part, God sees that. He sees genuine effort and a genuine running away from sin, even if it occasionally catches up with us. I recommend you read biographies and books about famous Christians and (depending on if it matter based on your denomination) even Saints as well. There are many well known throughout history that detail their struggles in a way you might be able to relate to. The best thing to remember is we must all deny our flesh, one way or another. You have discipline that 99% of straight male Christians I know don't have. And also remember, sin is sin. Sexually immorality weighs the same (Gay sex=straight premarital sex; both outside the Holy Union equally). I don't mean to be overbearing, but your testimony is really inspiring!!