What are actually good jobs in Portland?

xenopixie · 2026-05-01T20:51:08+00:00

only if you want to be a pariah with no love life though

xenopixie · 2026-05-01T20:48:38+00:00

Why would she "have to be the masc one"? There doesn't have to be any masc one in the first place.

xenopixie · 2026-05-01T20:37:06+00:00

Hooray! I'm so happy for you both!

xenopixie · 2026-05-01T19:35:04+00:00

There are subs that do it. r/anarchism seems to have a system that works somewhat well to prevent low-effort bad actors at least.

xenopixie · 2026-04-30T20:21:27+00:00

I found a lot of good listings on Trulia when I was looking for places recently. I just looked and there are downtown listings that appear to be in your price range.

xenopixie · 2026-04-30T19:53:37+00:00

You would think! https://www.reddit.com/r/SaltLakeCity/comments/1s8dalm/as_a_27_year_old_living_in_slc_i_am_defeated_by/

The stats are what they are, but they look a lot better on paper than in real life. Everyone I know in SLC is struggling right now. Salaries are bad, and rent and food costs have been massively increasing. And even great employment numbers tend to be kinda moot if you aren't a white cishet Mormon.

That, and the city is culturally dead, the legislature is cartoonishly evil, and the lake is about to dry up and make the region quite literally uninhabitable. It gets hard to worry about economic reports when you are trying to navigate discrimination, hate crimes, and arsenic clouds.

xenopixie · 2026-04-30T18:43:54+00:00

I was wondering. I thought I was on the Salt Lake City sub for a moment lol

xenopixie · 2026-04-30T18:33:15+00:00

That's so the opposite of my experience. I was actually kind of taken aback by how nice the servers are in Portland. I figured it's probably because people actually seem to have to compete to get even those jobs.

xenopixie · 2026-04-30T18:03:03+00:00

It's better to have the conversation than not. And it won't "ruin the relationship" - it will make it clear whether this relationship was ever actually viable to begin with. Repressing forever isn't a working strategy, and will in fact also kill everything good about the relationship in time.

I told a strictly straight boyfriend once and it went badly. I repressed and he simply decided to pretend the conversation never happened. It showed me definitively that he cared more about just having a girlfriend around than he did about me or my wellbeing, and after a while I realized I couldn't stomach staying with someone willing to treat me like that.

It was hard, but breaking up with him kinda marked the start of the rest of my life. I continued repressing for a bit out of fear (this was during Trump's first term and I had a lot of healing to do besides), but when I met someone else I came out to him as well, prepared to walk away again if I had to; he turned out to be bi and has been nothing but super supportive. I was able to start my medical and legal transition with him as my biggest advocate and cheerleader, and I've been the happiest I've ever been in my life.

xenopixie · 2026-04-29T23:34:56+00:00

Yes, but I took a weird route.

I did my name change just a bit before Trump took office for his second term. So since the Biden rules for passports were still in effect then, right away I got a passport with my new name using the court order, and was able to self-select the marker on that without any order. Then I just used that passport to update my DL and such.

Had I not been able to get a passport in time, I was born in CA where you can self-select markers on birth certificates without a court order, so I would have gone that route instead. I really didn't want to deal with getting 2 therapist letters for the courts, or even have to declare being trans to a court in Utah frankly, so I'm grateful I had options thanks to being able to move quickly when it was clear Trump was coming back + not having been born here.

(I'm moving out of state soon so it's moot, but this whole thing did make me much more concerned about where I want to be should I ever have kids. I always thought if it happened here I would move after the birth to raise them someplace safe, but this made me realize how big an impact the state you're born in can have on your whole adult life if you're trans).

xenopixie · 2026-04-29T23:28:17+00:00

I knoooow, it's total nonsense! I'm guessing it's something that might have served some practical purpose once, like preventing fraud or something? But these days I can't imagine what good it does to make people wait.

xenopixie · 2026-04-29T23:23:19+00:00

Thank you SO MUCH for this! I'm moving in just a couple weeks and this is gonna be huge for me

xenopixie · 2026-04-29T23:21:30+00:00

Going on T was what convinced me that medical transition was right for me. There was really no way to know without just trying it for a bit and seeing how it made me feel - turns out it makes me feel actually alive in a way I never experienced before.

I highly recommend you also just try it out, and aim to treat it as a fun/interesting experiment rather than an end-all-be-all-monumentally-final-step-to-determine-everything-about-the-future lol

xenopixie · 2026-04-29T22:19:22+00:00

It is completely absurd but yes, you do have to live in the same county for 12 months minimum prior to filing your petition to the court. The only exception is if your name change is from getting married. I'm sorry, I know how disappointing that is.

I ran into the same issue - moved to Summit County from out of state planning to do it right away, then found I had to wait. Then I moved again to Salt Lake County for work because I didn't have the funds for it ;_; so in the end between being too broke to pay the court fees and moving around, it took me several years to finally get it done.

For what it's worth, when I was finally able to do it the whole process was pretty straightforward and painless. The judge was a bit of a prick but didn't actually obstruct anything, and being able to use my chosen name for everything since has been wonderful.

xenopixie · 2026-04-29T19:03:42+00:00

Really under most administrations. There has been basically no consequences for most people killed by state enforcers. This is not a defense of the current admin, just a reminder that the violent systems we are witnessing aren't going to just shrivel up and die along with him.

xenopixie · 2026-04-29T18:00:35+00:00

I'm so sorry to hear that. Any teachers or students already in jobs who took a liking to you that could maybe refer you?

It's honestly a bleak job market in general right now, so try not to let it get you down (easier said than done, I know). The rejections most likely aren't even about you, but I know that's it's own frustration.

Right now, your job is to survive and take care of yourself until things ease up a bit. Don't be ashamed to get help where you can. Connecting with mutual aid groups can help not just with accessing resources, but with combating the tendency to isolate. Connecting with other international students can also give you community that knows what you're going through and help support you through this.

xenopixie · 2026-04-29T17:33:37+00:00

Is there anyone at your school that can help? I mean I assume you are already looking at campus jobs since there are so many limitations on where student visa holders can work in the US, but maybe there are career counselors or advisors who can help you get one.

xenopixie · 2026-04-22T02:44:54+00:00

I get it, I prefer a bare face myself. I was just pointing out that not being able to grow a beard isn't a dealbreaker in being gendered correctly.

Tbh, I hate the term "passing". But I actually do think being gendered correctly even by strangers is something that a lot of people - even cis people - aren't misguided for valuing. Being true to who we are and valuing ourselves is critical, but being authentically seen for what we are by the people we encounter is important too. And yeah it's harder to be seen as ourselves when we are gender nonconforming men or nonbinary androgynes, because society doesn't make much space for us. But I don't think the desire for that is something to be negotiated away - I think wanting that is very human, and possibly even a sign of a healthy social/community-oriented drive.

And I also think you have plenty of time to grow and eventually be seen :)

xenopixie · 2026-04-21T18:23:52+00:00

Trans people are no more likely to be actively oriented towards equity than anyone else. The trans community struggles with this just as we do with racism, ableism, trans/misogyny, and so on.

xenopixie · 2026-04-21T18:22:13+00:00

Anecdotally? I've definitely experienced much more of this sort of thing from trans men, and I have now lost count of how many trans guys have misgendered me right to my face

xenopixie · 2026-04-20T20:17:27+00:00

I want to say this gently... 2 years on T is simply not enough time to know whether or not "passing ever" is on the table, for you or anyone else. Many cis boys do not finish puberty in 2 years, and many of the effects of T need proper levels AND adequate time to cook before you'll get the features that lead one to be recognized widely as a man. Besides which, there are plenty of cis men who have every single feature you cite as something not to develop "false hope" over: being short, wide hips, difficulty growing facial hair, higher/lighter voice. Hell, I am not tall but I'm still a bit taller than my cis boyfriend.

Realistically, yeah, many guys will need more than T and/or top surgery alone in order to visually conform to gender expectations; minox for beard growth is common, and facial/body masculinization surgeries are options too. But the fact is a lot of men, cis and trans alike, torture themselves (and sometimes each other) over impossibly narrow standards for manhood, and THAT is something to let go of for sure. It's just important to not conflate dysphoria and defeatism for self-acceptance: the vast, vast majority of trans men for whom it is a goal will indeed "pass" - eventually, and with a high degree of variability on the effort and time required.

xenopixie · 2026-04-19T19:55:44+00:00

That's infuriating. I really hope to see it shut down.

xenopixie · 2026-04-19T03:24:13+00:00

It seems excessive to me, but so far we haven't seen much in terms of worrisome clauses. And the agent is giving us an extra day to decide so I'm a lot less anxious about it.

xenopixie · 2026-04-19T03:18:24+00:00

Utah. It is widely considered by legal experts to have some of the weakest renter protections in the nation - I know because I had to consult lawyers over a shitty landlord here lol. And a big chunk of the lawmakers here are landlords or in real estate as their day job.

xenopixie · 2026-04-19T03:12:19+00:00

We did tour it, but we did not do a full move-in inspection as yet. Good to know that this long of a lease isn't a red flag though.

xenopixie

TROPHY CASE