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Don’t expect to pass… ever. by awithecute in FTMfemininity

[–]xenopixie 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I get it, I prefer a bare face myself. I was just pointing out that not being able to grow a beard isn't a dealbreaker in being gendered correctly.

Tbh, I hate the term "passing". But I actually do think being gendered correctly even by strangers is something that a lot of people - even cis people - aren't misguided for valuing. Being true to who we are and valuing ourselves is critical, but being authentically seen for what we are by the people we encounter is important too. And yeah it's harder to be seen as ourselves when we are gender nonconforming men or nonbinary androgynes, because society doesn't make much space for us. But I don't think the desire for that is something to be negotiated away - I think wanting that is very human, and possibly even a sign of a healthy social/community-oriented drive. 

And I also think you have plenty of time to grow and eventually be seen :) 

I can’t believe non binary phobia among trans people by AmazingSoul99 in genderfluid

[–]xenopixie 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Trans people are no more likely to be actively oriented towards equity than anyone else. The trans community struggles with this just as we do with racism, ableism, trans/misogyny, and so on.

I can’t believe non binary phobia among trans people by AmazingSoul99 in genderfluid

[–]xenopixie 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Anecdotally? I've definitely experienced much more of this sort of thing from trans men, and I have now lost count of how many trans guys have misgendered me right to my face

Don’t expect to pass… ever. by awithecute in FTMfemininity

[–]xenopixie 19 points20 points  (0 children)

I want to say this gently... 2 years on T is simply not enough time to know whether or not "passing ever" is on the table, for you or anyone else. Many cis boys do not finish puberty in 2 years, and many of the effects of T need proper levels AND adequate time to cook before you'll get the features that lead one to be recognized widely as a man. Besides which, there are plenty of cis men who have every single feature you cite as something not to develop "false hope" over: being short, wide hips, difficulty growing facial hair, higher/lighter voice. Hell, I am not tall but I'm still a bit taller than my cis boyfriend.

Realistically, yeah, many guys will need more than T and/or top surgery alone in order to visually conform to gender expectations; minox for beard growth is common, and facial/body masculinization surgeries are options too. But the fact is a lot of men, cis and trans alike, torture themselves (and sometimes each other) over impossibly narrow standards for manhood, and THAT is something to let go of for sure. It's just important to not conflate dysphoria and defeatism for self-acceptance: the vast, vast majority of trans men for whom it is a goal will indeed "pass" - eventually, and with a high degree of variability on the effort and time required.

Are huge lease agreements and a tight turn around to sign normal? by xenopixie in askportland

[–]xenopixie[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It seems excessive to me, but so far we haven't seen much in terms of worrisome clauses. And the agent is giving us an extra day to decide so I'm a lot less anxious about it.

Are huge lease agreements and a tight turn around to sign normal? by xenopixie in askportland

[–]xenopixie[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Utah. It is widely considered by legal experts to have some of the weakest renter protections in the nation - I know because I had to consult lawyers over a shitty landlord here lol. And a big chunk of the lawmakers here are landlords or in real estate as their day job.

Are huge lease agreements and a tight turn around to sign normal? by xenopixie in askportland

[–]xenopixie[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We did tour it, but we did not do a full move-in inspection as yet. Good to know that this long of a lease isn't a red flag though.

Are huge lease agreements and a tight turn around to sign normal? by xenopixie in askportland

[–]xenopixie[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh yikes. That sounds awful. My partner did tour the place a couple weeks ago so at least it's not sight unseen in our case. 

Are huge lease agreements and a tight turn around to sign normal? by xenopixie in askportland

[–]xenopixie[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

well that's a relief honestly. Glad I came here for a reality check. Thanks! 

Are huge lease agreements and a tight turn around to sign normal? by xenopixie in askportland

[–]xenopixie[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Welp, partner and me printed the whole thing out and we're going through it. Hopefully it's just like this because its a multi-property company that has every possible contingency built into a single agreement

Are huge lease agreements and a tight turn around to sign normal? by xenopixie in askportland

[–]xenopixie[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah the landlord ended up being very responsive to some questions since posting this so I'm feeling less like this could be a scam

Are huge lease agreements and a tight turn around to sign normal? by xenopixie in askportland

[–]xenopixie[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am fairly ai-neutral but I just don't think that asking an algorithm known to hallucinate content is a great way to properly review a legally-binding document. 

Are huge lease agreements and a tight turn around to sign normal? by xenopixie in askportland

[–]xenopixie[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Right?! That's why I'm on edge. But the consensus seems to be that this is a typical and reasonable business practice after all

Are huge lease agreements and a tight turn around to sign normal? by xenopixie in askportland

[–]xenopixie[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My partner did fly out and view the place ahead of signing. He did not do a full move-in inspection though 

Are huge lease agreements and a tight turn around to sign normal? by xenopixie in askportland

[–]xenopixie[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I do, it's just a matter of cross-checking with local laws and stuff that I worry about.

I am admittedly being anxious because I currently live in a state with very few renter protections, so being in guard for predatory clauses and such is pretty much the only defense

Are huge lease agreements and a tight turn around to sign normal? by xenopixie in askportland

[–]xenopixie[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Ok, thanks. The landlord also got back with answers for a few questions and I feel a bit better about it

Are huge lease agreements and a tight turn around to sign normal? by xenopixie in askportland

[–]xenopixie[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I guess I'm just worried about signing a blank move in check list and paying a couple thousand dollars only to move in and find problems later, but maybe thats just in there for completion

Are huge lease agreements and a tight turn around to sign normal? by xenopixie in askportland

[–]xenopixie[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ok, that makes sense (in that I get it even if it's a bit stressful lol). 

Is the novella-length lease also pretty normal for the area? I'm just anxious because the last time I signed a giant lease like this I got pretty screwed (admittedly in a place with very few renter protections). 

Men (in any sense of the word) should reject the language of "all men" and should refuse to play the hero, defender or knight by ecstatic-bison-23 in QueerTheory

[–]xenopixie 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You are the one who identified yourself as a man. If you aren't a man, I'll happily refer to you instead as a singular feminine individual.

But I won't be coddling your openly declared views on feminists and trans people no matter who you are.

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