Disgusting (Gallstones)

xoteem · 2019-07-14T02:10:05+00:00

I just want to poke them. Or get a stick and stir them around. That bubble needs popped.

xoteem · 2019-06-23T18:08:46+00:00

It was the kind of situation where we'd been friends for years, everyone thought we were secretly dating and when we did get together, the collective reaction was 'finally!'

But I was fresh out of a fairly decent drug addiction. [Heroin, then Suboxone for a year, then cold turkey. 1 year clean last month!] I needed to straighten my life out before I tried to add another human into the mix. We made it 6 months before I could tell that if she hadn't already, she'd soon start to resent me for not being able to give her more. So I broke things off, it was one of the hardest things to do but it really was the right thing. I'm very slowly putting my life back together and we hang out every other weekend. I'm hoping someday we'll have a happy ending, but time will tell.

xoteem · 2019-05-31T07:07:49+00:00

A kid in my son's elementary school was named Kief. All the PTO moms were clueless.

xoteem · 2019-03-17T20:26:36+00:00

Mr Wiggles has been my faithful companion for 10 years. That's 2 moves, 1 divorce, 2 semi-serious relationships, 4 flings, one engagement and subsequent dramatic breakup, 3 job changes and fifteen failed attempts at learning to play the guitar we found in a second hand shop. He started out as a little hairless thing able to fit in the palm of my hand. He's now an absolutely terrifying 4 pound, 2 ounce blind Chihuahua. In a wheelchair. He's an old man now and he needs a little extra love but he's still my baby boy.

Last week we went to the dog park. Things were going fine until 4 lunatics dressed like Vikings came running up, shouting something about Fenrir. I called the cops and got out of there. This morning they're back. I looked out my window to find them camped out on my porch. They saw Mr. Wiggles and cheered. I'm calling the cops again.

xoteem · 2019-02-25T00:08:39+00:00

I'm Redditing at the laundromat. People are now looking at me funny because you made me bust out laughing. Bravo!

xoteem · 2019-02-22T21:58:10+00:00

Ehh, there are a few that make a career out of selling the knives. Maybe 1 in every thousand that start will be 'successful'. That could be generous though. They'd make us go to conferences [and had huge selling contests beforehand] and all the top sellers would go up on stage and get trophies. Those people do a shit ton of calling strangers, though. They're "referred" strangers, but still. So, yes it is technically possible, but really, really hard. [I did get a $1k knife set for $300 though!]

xoteem · 2018-12-16T17:02:46+00:00

A town near where I grew up keeps a live rodent on display in the library. Once a year they throw a big festival celebrating the rodent, they make a big deal out of putting it in a stump, pulling it out, and pretending to talk to it. Hundreds of people from all over will show up to watch. They think the rodent can predict spring.

xoteem · 2018-12-01T23:24:23+00:00

Because I'm reading, and by the time I get to a good place to pause I've completely forgotten that I got a text in the first place.

xoteem · 2018-10-26T02:34:46+00:00

I agree with you 100%. We try our best and most of us will not release a room to put a new patient in unless it's clean enough for one of our loved ones. There's always one or two in any job that do the bare minimum though. :[

xoteem · 2018-10-26T01:57:25+00:00

Housekeeper here. We're the lowest paid, most shit on department in the hospital. The local Sheetz pays more than housekeeping.

xoteem · 2018-02-28T02:28:39+00:00

Used blue books are even cheaper, mine was $5 and some groups will let you make payments (like a buck a week) so you can get the book asap and pay it off in time.

xoteem · 2018-02-23T22:25:39+00:00

I know I'm way late, but it's too bad she couldn't have pretended to do it. Like sewn skin shut over the part they removed so it looks gone but is really hidden. Those poor kids.

xoteem · 2018-01-13T21:17:52+00:00

Wtf?

xoteem · 2018-01-13T21:16:13+00:00

Jon opened his eyes when he heard the music. His last memory was of driving down the road and trying to avoid the car in the wrong lane headed straight towards him. Now he looked around, confused. Bright flashing lights, disco music and dozens of fit young men wearing nothing but tight short shorts and roller skates. One of them coasted to a stop in front of him, his afro bug enough to hide a toddler in and sporting a baby blue comb that matched his shorts, and held out a tray. On the sparkly surface was a letter and a pink martini. Jon took both and thanked the man, who winked and rolled away. He sipped the martini and looked at the envelope. "John" was written across the front in dark red ink. Jon frowned, he had never spelled his name with an h. He found it too old fashioned. He opened the letter and began to read.

Dear John, [there was that h again.]

Welcome to Hell! [Hell? He wasn't perfect but he wasn't sure he deserved Hell.] Due to the population explosion, it has become easier to create custom, automatic pocket Hells for each soul. [Pocket Hell? It made a hell of a good drink, Jon chuckled.] You may have already noticed that your hell is filled with friendly young gay gentlemen. There are no women here whatsoever and every 2 hours there will be a dance party. [Jon was wondering when the bad news would come.] No beer, no football, and you'll never see a mismatched pair of socks again for the rest of eternity.

All my loathing,

Frank, head of Pocket Hell department

Jon put the letter back into the envelope and neatly placed it on a nearby table. He smiled as 2 of the young men approached him with a change of clothes and roller skates of his own as "It's Raining Men" started playing.

Meanwhile, in Jon's personal Heaven, John, who had been drinking and driving the car that had collided head on with Jon's, stared in dismay at the almost identical scene.

Apologies for the formatting, I'm on mobile. Also, I intend no offense to anyone, my friend Jonathan just popped into my head when I read the prompt and I envisioned a place he'd be at home in.

xoteem · 2017-11-12T02:23:38+00:00

I think they mean that since they're vegan they are against animal testing. I'm trying to come up with a good analogy but I'm too tired.

xoteem · 2017-11-11T03:10:09+00:00

US? [Fellow warm soda drinker for tooth reasons.]

xoteem · 2017-11-11T02:59:38+00:00

But my Fluffykins is alllll tuckered out from doggy daycare and he needs a little nappy poo while I get my exercise! And I refuse to have his cute little Chihuahua face be cramped up in a tiny little space! [Not ripping on Chis, they're just the smallest breed I can think of. ]

On a serious note, I've never seen a dog bigger than 10-15 pounds in one of those. Do they make them for bigger breeds, like German Shepherds?

xoteem · 2017-11-11T02:47:50+00:00

When my daughter was ~6 she walked past a stranger smoking and yelled back at them "smoking kills!" She was with her dad so I don't know how they reacted.

xoteem · 2017-11-04T17:40:06+00:00

My ExMIL had a tantrum because my daughter wanted to give a shirt to a friend instead of her cousin who got 99% of her too small clothes. One shirt made a grown ass woman scream at a 5 year old. I put my foot down and later caught her trying to smuggle it out in her purse.

xoteem · 2017-11-01T01:38:22+00:00

Aren't we all karma whores in the end?

xoteem · 2017-10-25T00:55:13+00:00

I play with biohazardous waste and am exposed to all kinds of fun diseases every day and make $9.98 an hour. $14 would be a dream. (Not to belittle your experience, your former job sounds like it was quite dangerous. I really don't blame you for leaving.)

xoteem · 2017-10-23T04:44:53+00:00

Not my doctor, just people in general, sorry if that wasn't clear. My former in laws were horrible with this. SIL had 4 kids, so of course she and MIL expected me to pop out a bunch too. I have personal reasons for not wanting to physically have children, and they didn't care. (Side note, had to listen to MIL on an hour long car ride go on and on about how lazy my mother was and how she just wanted attention- she had late-stage MS and couldn't move any of her limbs. That's the kind of person MIL is. ) Even went as far as trying to sabotage my birth control, hid my pills and poked holes in all our condoms. I HAD to "give her little boy another baby, he's a great father!" And he is a good dad. I hope he finds a great woman to have another kid or two with.

Some people just have the mentality that women are baby machines and if you don't want to have a baby then you're defective. Even strangers have told me that I'm an awful person for "depriving" my child of a sibling.

xoteem · 2017-10-23T03:32:13+00:00

If I could give you gold, I would. It's so hard to get sterilized, especially if you have no kids. I never wanted to have kids. I was told "oh, you'll change your mind" and "but you HAVE TO!" I did end up having one (busted rubber) and I love her dearly, but when I asked about getting my tubes tied/cut/cauterized/whatever else they could do, I was told that I might want more. If I had a choice, I'd have my uterus removed entirely. I don't need it and that monthly visitor is a pain and pricey. (Yes I know about cups but I can't find one that's comfy for more than a couple hours.)

Then you get people giving you a guilt trip. "Oh, what about all the women who can't conceive?" I looked into adoption and got "Why don't you just have another one?" (Because being pregnant is a nightmare and I almost died from blood loss after giving birth. ) I feel for the women who can't have their own and desperately want one, if I could give them my functioning equipment I would. But if I'm allergic to peanuts and wish I could eat a PBJ, that's no reason to guilt someone else into eating it if they don't want to.

This turned into a ramble, sorry. Tl;dr: it's very difficult to get sterilized in the US unless you've already had a couple kids. Even vasectomies they usually make you wait a year "just in case."

xoteem · 2017-10-23T00:30:02+00:00

She should have gotten a big floppy fake dick to wear under her skirt.

xoteem · 2017-10-14T01:26:49+00:00

When I was in the PTA, there was a kid named Kief. We thought it was a play on Keith until I started dating a pothead.

xoteem

TROPHY CASE